LAZARUS RECORDS DIVISION FILE NO.: 96-ANSI-021
ORIGINAL CLASSIFICATION: TOP SECRET
DECLASSIFIED PER FOIA 5 U.S.C. 552
RELEASE STATUS: PUBLIC RELEASE NO REDACTIONS AT THIS TIME
SUBJECT: INTERNAL COMMUNICATION / SCENE UPDATE
DOCUMENT TYPE: NFO TRANSCRIPT
SECURITY TAG: FBI-LZR-1337
RELEASE ORDER: 16C-2026-354
DATE: 1996-06-03
ITS JUNE 1996 MOTHERFUCKERZZZZZZZZ
Im going to start by just listing everyone who joined and everyone
who left because writing stories about all of them is boring.
Joined: ewheat, chromatik, trinitron, snake grunger, hiro pantagonist,
eerie, bisnouours
Left: Grindking, Hennifer, K1, Nail, Pinguino, Savage, ,
Warpus
Are we sad to see them go? Nope - fuck em.
With GrindKing and Hennifer gone did I mention fuck them?
Fuck them. our senior staff now looks like this:
President: Mel Farr Suppastar
Senior Head of ansi division: Mel Farr Suppastar
Senior Head of Music Division: Mel Farr Suppartar
Senior Head of Coding Division: Snake Grunger
Senior Head of Modding Division: Mel Farr Suppastar
Senior Head of Courier Division: Snake Grunger
Senior iRC Coordinator: Open
Bitch who can suck a dick: Hennifer
Bitch who can also suck a dick: Warpus
Bitch who can really and truly suck a dick: still Warpus
Bitch who can really suck a dick with impressive alacrity and
manual dexterity: Savage
Insert small picture of savage sucking something??
As you can see we are taking applications for iRC coordinator
--- We at Lazarus believe iRC is the future and we are ready to
embrace that future. Please submit applications with your credentials.
Ok now on to the funstuff.
First off THE REGENCY IS NO LONGER OUR WORLD HEADQUARTERS THAT
BBS FUCKING SUCKS.
Second off SARCASTIC TOASTER IS NO LONGER OUR NORTHERN NORTH
AMERICA HEADQUARTERS THAT BBS ALSO SUCKS.
Next off I just want to say I am sick of all the fucking drama
in the scene. I am sick of people lying and not doing what they
said they were going to do and then blaming it on me when they
get kicked out of the group or cant be our world headquarters
anymore. Im sorry that most of you are lame.
We are currently taking applications for a new world headquarters -
please send us your modem speed, hard drive size and clarify
whether we may give out your new user password to our couriers.
Thank you.
Second off, i bought 3 socks today -- can you guess what the 3rd
one is for? WiNK
Fourth off, I got some dAnk wEEd yesterday so I might be pretty
high as I write this...so if it sounds weird WeLP!
Third off, Clarification on the merger with ACiD ---
Ok all the shit you heard on irc is bullshit. This is what
happened. We were in talks to merge with ACiD for a long time,
and the agreement we made is that we would become ACiD CaNaDa
which to be honest was exactly what we fucking wanted.
And then...you all know what happened.
We wake up and ACiD released a pack calling itself LaZUS WE
DID NOT AGREE TO THAT. So there was a bunch of back and forth and
it honestly looked like we were going to be fighting over the
name Lazarus for the forseeable future, but then radman came to
his fucking senses and realized that if he rebranded as
MiSTiGRiSUS he could still get that sweet canadian rub without
making the worst enemy in the fucking scene me. But just to be
clear RaDMaN if you want to come to the ambassador bridge I will
FUCK U UP. ONE OF US WAS CAPTAIN OF JV WRESTLING AT
MISSISSAUGUA HIGH SCHOOL AND ITS NOT YOU.
Next off I want to say to everyone: IF YOU ARE GOING TO SEND
APPLICATIONS TO JOIN HOW ABOUT YOU MAKE SURE YOUR ANSI ART DOESNT
FUCKING SUCK FIRST!! We are an elite group do not request admission
unless you are one of the very best in the scene. Im looking at
you NAIL you should join your friends sAVaGe and Burps and start
a new group called CANADA for CANnot Actually Draw Ansi.
Next off I want to say if you are a young and up and coming artist
hit us up -- we are always looking for new talent to mentor! I can
promise you you wont have to deal w/ any bullshit drama like every
other group in the scene. We are the super Chill onez. We dont
shit on people we help them become l33t artists like us.
Sometimes with all the bullshit drama, I dont even know why Im in
the scene. I just wanna make cool art and hang out but people keep
fucking it up I dont get it. Heres an idea --- if youre just
going to be negative and cause a bunch of drama how about you
SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Next off I want to talk about Blender 6. I DESERVED TO WIN AND I
WAS FUCKING ROBBED. Its pretty obvious that Hennifer and Warpus
are now so loyal to RaDMaN lets just say they should not be
judging COMPETITIONS THAT ACiD excuse me MiSTiGRiSUS are also
competing in. I just want to say to them --- have fun in ACiD your
new group is fucking lame and we rule, bitch.
On now its time for a new feature --- WORST GROUP OF THE MONTH
WORST GROUP IN JUNE 1996
Honorable Mention: ACiD discussed above
WINNER: Zal.
I looked at the Zal pack. its all pictures of some old guy. No
spawn or the maxx anywhere. Lame
Ok now its time for a new feature --- TOP 3 LAME ASS BITCHES OF
THE MONTH
3rd LAMEST BITCH IN THE SCENE: The KnightFuel
By now you guys know the story but ill just recap it here. The
Knight reached out TO ME to do a joint. I was like cool I love to do
joints with good artists or so I thought. So I sent him a thing i
was working on it was a super hot bitch with big tits and an
implausibly contorted body and I sent it over to the knight or I
should I say... the lame. And he sent it back after working on it
and what did he do? He turned it into Spider Man. I was like what
the fucking fuck and he goes I just am not comfortable objectifying
women like that. No dude, what you are is a fucking pussy. So I said
take my handle off your bullshit comic rip and then he released it
without crediting me so fuck him for that.
2nd LAMEST BITCH IN THE SCENE: Pinguino
Where do I even begin. You guys know that if theres one thing we
hate at Lazarus its: FAKE ASS BITCHES WHO LIE AND START DRAMA WHEN
WE SHOULD ALL JUST BE CHILL. The scene is about making art, its
not about starting fights to make yourself look bigger than you
actually are when youre probably 14 and cant drive yet. Well
pinguino is always doing that shit so fuck pinguino.
and now
THE NUMBER ONE LAMEST BITCH IN THE ENTIRE SCENE: Cthulu
I dont know if you guys have been paying attention, but for a
couple of years now Cthulu has been the SECRETARY of ACiD. What
does that mean? That means his only job is to write nfo files.
So think about this, this is a dude in an ansi group who doesnt
really draw ansi and all he does is write the NFO file. What the
fuck is that? Yes you need an nfo file because people need to know
who joined and who left and if applications for iRC coordinator are
open but like where the fuck does someone get off thinking that
writing an nfo file contributing. Like is anyone excited to
read NFO files? Are they entertaining? Thats why we keep ours
totally short at Lazarus. Just the facts, maam. I literally cannot
think of anything lamer than a person who is in an ANSI ART GROUP
and all they do is write long ass nfo files. Its pathetic.
So to sum this all up....
LAZARUS IS NOT JUST THE BEST GROUP IN THE SCENE IN 1996, we are
also the most chill and drama-free and most importantly, we dont
have someone on staff whose sole responsibility is writing nfo
files. In other words we are NOT LAME.
LAZARUS --- THE BEST GROUP IN 1996 BY A FUCKING MILE. BOW DOWN.
--- Mel Farr Suppastar, Senior Head of Lazarus Music Division
SNAKE GRUNGER Senior Head of LAZCoding LAZCourier
Hey hey hey whats up guys. Thanks for all that Mel that was very
informative.
First thing -- if you need to get in touch with us the best way is to
go to our website:
http://www.geocities.com/paris/6522/destiny.html
Its pretty easy to remember if you just think about how 22 x 3 66
and 66-1 65 so essentially X X+1 / 3 .
So I am super sad to report that we lost a few people -- Grindking,
Hennifer, K1, Nail, Pinguino, Savage, Warpus. All of them were amazing
and we wish them well at ACiD/MiSTiGRiSSouth. We are going to miss
you guys!
Next thing
LAZViEW is going great. We all know what the scene needs is more ansi
viewers. We are also hard at work on our signature project: mp32ans.
Some people think its cheating to turn a song into an ansi instead
of drawing it, but we all know that one of the biggest problems with
the scene is that its very unwelcoming to people with synesthesia so
we are working hard to correct it.
LAZ courier division is SUPER EXCITING. we have succeeded in getting
our packs out to nearly every board east of winnipeg so east of Grand
Forks for those of you in the states.
I also just wanted to take a minute to do some greets:
Pinguino: Sup homie!
TK: love your new spider man ansi!
Hennifer Warpus: Im jealous of you guys because of how many hot
girls you bang
NAiL, sAVaGe, Burps: love your guys art! Amazing stuff
I do have to mention, there has been some controvery surrounding
Lazarus lately. I would love to say weve handled things perfectly but
no one really can, but we are working on it. One thing that might help
is if people have issues, reach out to me instead of MFS. Hes really
busy with his new girlfriend. I havent met her but Ive heard really
good things including that she definitely 100 exists.
All in all 1996 is shaping up to be an amazing year for Lazarus. We
lost a lot of people but weve gained some new people and its all
really exciting!
-- Snake Grunger