LET IT RAIN TRASH PANDA GUTS a blender vignette by warpus
It was a beautiful opening ceremony involving smurfs, depantsed wizards,
and a 500 year old duke who once said something profound after painting a
dolphin. The worlds most renowned AI soprano zebra was singing the queen
of the night aria from a blimp. Only the Polanadians could have thought up
something so equally convoluted and beautiful.
As the necromancer made her way down the river Styx with a flaming head
on a stake held up high in the air, 50 squadrons of drunk silesian falcons
burned up in the atmosphere creating the worlds largest ever PAMPERS logo,
without which funding for the olympics would not have been possible.
Suddenly an obese raccoon was lowered from the top of the CN Tower down
into the recently discovered archeological dig site which helped prove once
and for all that Protoslavic sailors were the second to settle North America
where they were squatting for a while until they were kicked out by a Mayan
lawyer princess. Upon reaching the ruins of the gold-plated squattery the
raccoon exploded into a flaming carcass of olympic love, as suddenly it
was clear that the necromancer had arrived a half a second beforehand,
raising the flaming head of a leprechaun up at the exact time as the falling
raccoon had reached it. The result was a spectacular explosion of visual
energy seen as far as Ohio and smelled as far as the Azores.
With the power inherted from the dark lord and the money made from
the contract we signed with pampers, we are able to announce to you today
the official opening of the 87th olympiad!, exclaimed the necromancer
as he hurled the racoons flaming testicles into the interdimensional
cauldron which lit it up and began to pulsate throughout 17 of the 18
dimensions.
The president of Polanadia stood up and exclaimed the traditional phrase
signalling the official opening of the olympics: CORRUPTION!. This meant
that the athletes could now legaly take out their branded condoms and apply
any required amount of ceremonial lube.
A dance crew dressed up as kitchen appliances jumped out of a plane and
using jetpacks landed on a boat and started laying down some serious moves.
The Olympics were here. And the necromancer was just getting started.