the battle by horace pinker
the battle by horace pinker
The Battle
Standing atop the hill, admiring the carnage below, i noticed a faint
humming to my left. i slowly turned around to see a thing. it was about
3 meters tall and the only other thing i remember was its large gaping maw
and sharp claws. it pointed at me and rubbed its belly and laughed, a
wicked growling laugh that gave me the feeling something bad was about to
happen. without warning i jumped at him, axe ready, and he simply sidestepped
me. i growled in anger but when i was ready to charge him, a flash of light
appeared and i was temporarily blinded, and out of a twisting black
portal came a man dressed in a black robe with stars near the bottom.
he motioned me to go into the portal and when i only snarled he snapped his
fingers and i had the sudden urge to go into the portal.
I gleefully stepped into the portal and i felt a twisting at my guts.
i was trying to scream, and if i was i couldnt tell because the noise was
tremendous. as i flipped and twisted through the stars i began to think
about what was going on. all the sudden i found myself lying flat on the grass
of what looked to be a park of some sorts. i mean there were people around me
but they look different somehow. warped and twisted, not physically, but like
i could see their souls.
When i approached one of the beings, one pushing a smaller one in
some sort of wheeled device, she it? it looked to be a she pushing a baby
spoke to me in a language that sounded like some sort of high speed mumbling.
fearing for my life i left that place and was going across a pathway when this
giant metal beast with 2 torches in the front almost ran into me and one of
these peoples leaned out from inside of it and yelled something that sounded
very hostile. i walked around to see more of these people speaking in the
same language and decided that i needed to learn. but didnt know where to
begin. it was later that night when i fell asleep between two huge rock
structures when the wizard came to me in my sleep. maybe i wasnt asleep
because i wouldnt have remembered it so vividly.
he stepped out of the darkness at the end of the debris strewn alley
and placed a necklace around my neck and whispered into my ear the word
walker and the faded into mist before me. the next day when i went out
i found that, even though it still sounded like horses talking, i could
understand them, and they me.
i asked where i was and when i did, they stared at me in amusement
and called me rip van winkle. i desperately needed to learn more about their
society and this rip van winkie or who ever he was. i was lost in thought
when this young man walked up to me and asked me where i got my duds and when
i asked him what he meant he laughed and said, clothes man, whered ya get
the clothes? to which i replied, i got them from the kings tailor. and
he laughed in my face and said that i was crazy. i told him that i was not
and he told me that i need to get some more flash clothing. remembering the
night before and the portal, i twitched quickly when he said the word flash.
I asked him where to get these flash clothes and he told me to follow
him. i said ok, figuring any help was better than none. on the way to a place
he affectionately called the gap, i asked him who rip van winkle was and
he told me that he was a man that was put to sleep for 200 years. i stood
there stunned and he laugh and told me that he was a fictional character and
that he wasnt real. i let myself relax some and followed him to this clothing
As we walked through the enourmous glass doors, i was wondering
how they got this much clear glass. i walked in and gazed around. everything
looked very much alike and had things on them like mossimo and stussy and
wanted to laugh. so i did. when the guy asked me what was so funny i told him
that a stussy was a small hairless rodent that cowers in corners and eats
his own feces, his face went red with anger. so i didnt even tell him about
the mossimo king. the one who had an affair with him mother and sister.
Horace Pinker