gggg
.sPYs.
,sP ---.
.--. - bgd . s ss9s. s
,- s + s. b
d. YbssdYbssdP bgdbssdPtMM :
sss P , , .
: P s .sPYs. .sPYs. 7 P
. Ys ,s s s ss.
YbssdP YbssdP
+ ------------- - - the beginning of the end - - -------------- +
by: peewee, the hacker chicken
with a special appearance from pip the angry youth!
so, uh, yeah.
word.
whos missing?
joe is.
knock knock
there, that must be him.
wait, we have to ask him for his password to be sure its him.
thats the problem with chickens. we all look the same.
hello, stranger. login?
well, im joe.
say the s3kr1t c0d3z.
SYSTEM
uh, ok. its him.
so guys, whats up?
well, we gotta talk about the sikr1t pr0j3kt of taking over that
evil zine shamefully called y0lk.
woo-hoo-hoo! fuck y0lk! burn it down!
calm down, brother chickens - for we have a plan! as you know, we
had projected on accomplishing this before y0lk 100, and this will be
done!
yay! death to y0lk!
shh!@ so, um, well, we decided to ask our expert h4qur, peewee, to
hack creeds account, so that we could get sikr1t files information.
but, um, whatll be the point?
whatll be the point to *what*?
hacking creeds account .. i mean, itll make a good hoe 90 parody
file, but apart from that, itd just be as easy if wed just burn the houses
of y0lk members down?
hmm. yeah, i must admit that i havent thought of that.
confusion amoungst the hacker chickens
well, the thing is, peewee is already hacking the account as we
speak, so uh ..
awkward silence
.. SO FUCKING WHAT. WELL BURN THEIR HOUSES DOWN ANYWAY!@!@
woo-hoo! die, y0lk! die y0lk, die! chickens rools in
ninety-six!
word, chickenz. well take it all over!@ they will feer the meat.
WE WILL SHOW THEM THAT MEAT IS MURDER, GOD DAMN IT. HAHAHAHAHA!@!
trying 247.103.1.33 ..
connected to y0lk.net.
escape character is .
y0lkix version 5.01.
login: creed
password: hailsanta
welcum 2 yolk.net! unauthorized axiz prohibited!
send mail to root@y0lk.net.
y0lk mail
you have 4 new e-mails waiting, creed.
1 weiner@t0c.net Sat Jun 29 16:15 51/2126 DUDE THIS SUX!!!!!!!!!!
2 aym2@thorn.net Mon Jul 8 22:21 26/1055 alt.youth.media
3 eerie@dto.net Tue Jul 9 01:32 30/1088 bear my child
4 mogel@dto.net Tue Jul 9 03:10 30/1088 re: like, im tired
1
message 1:
Date: Sat, 29 Jun 1996 16:15:46 +1000 EST
From: Weiner t0c/y0lk weiner@t0c.net
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: DUDE THIS SUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HI CREED. THIS IS WEINER. THE GUY WHO BROKE IN MOGELS APARTMENT
WROTE Y0LK 84.
I KNOW YOU DONT READ THE Y0LK SUBMISSIONS, SO I GUESS MY WARNING
MESSAGE JUST FELL UPON DEAF EARS. WELL, NOW I SURE HOPE YOU READ YOUR EMAIL,
BECAUSE *GREAT DANGER* IS COMING.
THE HACKER CHICKENS HAVE FOUND ME. THEY KNOW WHERE I AM. THEY KNOW
THAT I *KNOW* ABOUT THEIR SECRET PLANS OF TAKING OVER Y0LK THE ENTIRE
UNIVERSE. see how i use those ampersand thingies? thats cause i love
mogel so much. he uses them in all his files. THEY TRACKED ME DOWN USING
UNKNOWN HAQING T00LZ I KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME SOON.
CREED, LISTEN TO ME. THE CHICKENS ARE NOT A BAD Y0LK INSIDE JOKE!@
THEY ARE TRULY WILLING TO TAKE OVER HUMANITY STUFF!!@!!
AAARGH!@!@ I HEAR THEIR GROWLS!!@ THEYRE NEAR MY ROOM DOOR NOW ..
I THINK THEY KILLED MY PARENTS!@!@ THOSE CHICKENS ARE TOTALLY *SADISTIC*!!
THEY ATE ALL OF MY RAMEN!@@ MY LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS, CREED, IN YOUR
HANDS ONFF!456
6455567
THEY 4
Q5ARE AATGH
HFGH
owwwwwwwwwwwwwww w w w w
G
2
message 2:
Date: Mon, 8 Jul 1996 22:21:47 -0500
From: aym2@thorn.net
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: alt.youth.media
Dear YOlkmasta,
Ive been browsing yOlks, sampling a few issues and have really enjoyed it.
YOlks is very refreshing and the writing is totally insane. I like it a lot
and plan on visiting again to read more.
Im interested in speaking with you regarding alt.youth.media, an exhibition
that The New Museum of Contemporary Art, New York is presenting in
Septmeber. The exhibition will look at youth culture through an examination
of alternative publications, videos, and on-line projects. The exhibition
will include screening areas where videos will be continuously viewed,
computers for websites and CD ROM projects and a zine reading and publishing
area.
I would enjoy getting in touch with you to discuss yOlks and how it could be
included in the exhibition. Please contact me at 212-XXX-XXXX or send me
e-mail at aym2@thorn.net. I look forward to hearing from you!
Sincerely,
Melanie Franklin
Curatorial Administrator, The New Museum of Contemporary Art
3
message 3:
Date: Tue, 9 Jul 1996 01:32:46 +1000 EST
From: eerie-kun eerie@dto.net
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: bear my child
creed, will you bear my child?
333
i wanna be the girl with the most angst
4
message 4:
Date: Tue, 9 Jul 1996 03:10:44 +1000 EST
From: mogel mogel@dto.net
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: re: like, im tired
do0d! m0gel! please give me a t-file for y0lk 100! i need you!
all the submissions i have gotta are total crap!
ok, creed-baby. how about you let me eerie write the whole issue
of y0lk 100 by ourselves?
i think thats brilliant! ok? ok?! ok!
la la later,
* mighty mogel
* doomed to obscurity head editor - doomed@boicenet.com
* i like big butts.
q
mail saved.
y0lk ls
1daywarez 3kid-suck01.jpg 3kid-suck02.jpg
3kid-suck03.jpg 3kid-suck04.jpg 3kid-suck05.jpg
3kid-suck06.jpg 3kid-suck07.jpg 3kid-suck08.jpg
3kid-suck09.jpg 3kid-suck10.jpg 3kid-suck11.jpg
3kid-suck12.jpg 3kid-suck13.jpg 3kid-suck14.jpg
3kid-suck15.jpg 3kid-suck16.jpg 3kid-suck17.jpg
3kid-suck18.jpg dto-012.txt submissions
y0lk cd submissions
y0lk ls
creedisinlove fuckzines hehehehe
irc-mom.txt today topten
y0lk cat topten
O. .O /
top 10 methods to overkill a joke
/ as toldeth by ideal /
Wow, Im bored. So bored that i decided to write another y0lk
article. So, here I am sitting in the back of a car, listening to some
Smashing Pumpkins they rule! best fuckin band around, driving up to the
dog tracks to do some underage betting! Anyhow, I was reading some COOL
text files and I got this GREAT idea for one.
TOP TEN METHODS TO OVERKILL A JOKE
10. Repeat the joke.
9. Repeat again!
8. Repeat it one more time!
7. Repeat it again!
6. You should probably repeat this joke again for the full affect.
5. Try repeating the joke again.
4. Repeat it!
3. At this point, youve probably already overkilled it hehehe! :
2. Repeat the joke again!
1. HeheHEheHEhehe : : Creed Rulez! Yolk Rox!
Peace out.
y0lk rm topten
y0lk cat irc-mom.txt
---woo--------------------------------------------------------------------
my mom on irc
by - phorce
---woo--------------------------------------------------------------------
i was on irc the other day and out of NO WHERE my MOM came on! i was
like, what the hell? - heres a log of it!
+---woo---+
*** phorcemom phorcemom@parents.y0lk.net has joined zines
phorcemom phorce!??! are you idle again!?!?
phorce gah!! mom??! what the hell are you doing on IRC?
phorcemom trying to get you to clean your room. ever since you bolted
the door wouldnt take out the garbage, its been hard to talk
to you.
phorce shut up, mom!
*** mode change -o+b phorcemom *!phorcemom@parents.y0lk.net on channel
zines
*** phorcemom has been kicked off zines by phorce yuck yuck
+---woo---+
greetz go to mogel he says hi to me on IRC! to other kewl doodz
that helped me write y0lk 99!
y0lk rm irc-mom.txt
y0lk cat creedisinlove
me
by - creed
i
am a wilted flower
standing here in the cold, aluminum rain.
and i am a woman.
and i have pain.
why do you mock me?
because
i am fake and stupC
C
C
y0lk rm creed*
y0lk cat fuckzines
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck you zines !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by - hooch! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously, fuck. im fucken pissed at all the zines kids. all they do is
sit there and idle all day and say shit.
there, the other day bF was on zines, and i asked him when the new rice
was coming out and he said FUCK YOU JERKFACE, except he couldnt ban me
because he didnt have ops. actually, no one had ops.
also, gaurdian wont put me on snuffyii, and this sucks. fuck you gaurdian.
even though i have ops on y0lkb0t, i want SnuffyII action too!!!@@ anyway,
the bots are always banned in zines, and when theyre here, they dont
have ops. thats the dto people again. fuck you murmur and tao. you all
suck!!!
so anyhow, zines suck. i just read dto and it was pretty bad. too long and
too serioius. then again theres y0lk thats good. but hey, were gonna be
in an exposition in a museum, or so creed said. creed is pretty rad. i mean,
y0lk is dumb and all, but its entertainment. you zines kids dont
understand what entertainment is. youre so stupid.
so i just went in y0lk the other day but no one was there. tough shit. i
came back in zines and no one was talking except bF, but i dont remember
what he was talking about.
then mogel came in the channel and asked me to write for dto. wow!! thats
pretty rad!
so yeah, dto is pretty good. but y0lk is better, even if its dumb.
so uh yeah.
i think im gonna stop this here.
maybe.
or maybe not.
gee, this is turning into a murmur article. but well, dto is good.
but y0lk is better.
btw, heres the first few lines of digdug.exe, shown through dosedit.
, -pp-
y0lk rm fuckzines
y0lk cat hehehehe
fun-ee joex
submitted by: mercuri
i was talking to HANDLE the other day we were talking about MONKEYS
then handle said LETS KILL SOME COMMIES!!!!!
HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
y0lk rm hehehehe
y0lk cat today
i am the ruler of the whole universe
a text file written by BIG HURT
2day was an ok day.
i got up, i put on my supperman underoo pajamas, went to the
bathroom, and made some applejax. i started eating them real slow, when i
noticed the time. i was gonna be late, so i slurped down my serial and
went 2 skewl.
i really dont like skewl very much, but i got to go to batting
practice which is always pretty phun.
theres this lowd kid on my baseball team that always talks a bout
reliegion and distracts me when im trying to concentricate. people that
talk during those times are annoying. my feelings on religion are .. well, i
think trent reznor said it best -
god is dead
and no one cares
if there is a hell
ill see you theyre
i think that this song means that god died and that in trent reznors
opinion no one really gives a shit, but then again he doesnt deny the idea
that there could be a hell, which is the opposite of heavenf, and that he
will go there and see you. but, then again, im not in trent reznors head,
so maybe i dont know what it means! man, i wish there is a hell cause ive
never met trent reznor in my life and i sure wish i could!!
anyhow, this kid got hit in the head with the ball and hee! it was
phunny he got a head like a hole!! hehehe...
so i went home and i watched x-filez and my mom kept talking the hole
time. sometimes its so boring on friday night. i had nothing to do today.
its knot like im a geek or nothin i just didnt have any plans. plans,
thats what counts. if you have plans youll go someware in life. i dont do
2 many drugs or drink but sometimes its nice to get youre mind off problems
and to forget wear you are. then again those who do drugs will go noware in
life.
i herd trent is on drugs, but my opinion is that its just a rumor.
i tried to right again for my little zine, yellow journal, but
the whisper virus fucked up my turbo pascal 7.0. this sucks, now i cant
code. i like to code. especially in upper case. coding will get you far in
life. baseball too.
the other day my dad asked me 2 rite a program that makes the family
budget and it was nice to do it. this kind of program require special skills.
i almost did it, i think. but then again my tp7 crashed. i will finish it
later. until then ill go do some more batting.
i gotta jet now. l8r.
y0lk rm today
y0lk
*this* is whats stopping us from world domination!?
what the heck was all that stuff?
wheres the h/p text?!
wheres the good writing?!
wheres the humor?!
wheres the quality control?!
warez the warez?!!?
what time is it???????????????????????????????????????????
were chickens. we dont have watches, stupid.
lets go to kfc.
awkward silence
uh, that was a joke guys.
anyhow, we gotta do something now. what do you think?
me thinks the best bet would be to get on irc in case we could get
k0deZ!!
yeah, true. kodes are to hacking what pointlessness is to ansi.
uh, what?
nevermind, i was trying to be deep, but its hard for a chicken to
be any deep, yknow.
yeah, were stupid our brain is small.
but thats why we are such great hackers.
um, word, i guess.
y0lk irc creed irc.frontiernet.net
*** Connecting to port 6666 of server irc.frontiernet.net
*** Welcome to the College Dropout Network creed
*** Your host is irc.frontiernet.net, running version 2.8/digi+th.4c3
*** This server was created Fri Jun 7 1996 at 18: 21:20 EDT
*** Do you really read those things? I dont.
*** umodes available oiwscrk, channel modes available biklmnopstv
*** There are 6315 users and 7608 invisible on 79 servers
*** There are 154 operators online
*** 5338 channels have been formed
*** This server has 280 clients and 1 servers connected
*** This couldnt be anymore pointless
*** Current local users: 280 Max: 619
*** Current global users: 13923 Max: 23259
*** - irc.frontiernet.net Message of the Day -
*** No BOTS! No SCRIPTZ!!! No ELITE!!!! ELITE IS BAD!!!!
*** WE SAW HACKERS, WE KNOW WHAT WERE TALKING ABOUT!!!
*** Quotes of the week:
*** DumIRCOp Damn, us IRCOps are pretty lame!!! HAHAhahaAH
*** MetalMan The other day I saw a pig an I said Hi IRcop!@!!!!
*** HahaAH FuNNy
*** creed creed@y0lk.net has joined channel zines
*** Topic for zines: jew.
*** Topic for zines set by jamesy on Thu Aug 1 08:45:04 1996
*** Users on zines: creed r00tster @mercuri b1rdy bBQ plummy styx phatk0q
metalchic @edi tMM beakyb kojak KLaWz oods diewormz @mogel gbreaker
feathers tao sp1c3 kfphr3d @phorce @crank @murmur eggrezn @bF @jamesy
@y0lkb0t @SnuffyXXV egghead @rattle
y0lkb0t creed look at that creed! hehehe silly creed!!!
phorce DAMMIT mogel, WHEN is y0lk 100 gonna be released?!?!
mogel phorce - *smooch* i lub u
mercuri creed!!!!!!!!!
bBQ sO n-e ov u do n-e zine??
bF :-
bF :
bF :I
bF :-
bF 8
metalchic justin your dumb!!!!!
bF -
bF 8
bF :-
bF this script rules.
*** bF has been kicked off channel zines by murmur DAMN YOU AND YOUR
SCRIPT!!!!
*** bF bf@rice.org has joined channel zines
*** Mode change +o bF by metalchic on channel zines
diewormz kluck kluck kluck
eggrezn die- wh0rd 2 dat
- *r00tster* man its me peewee
*r00tster* hey sup1!!!kluck
- *r00tster* im gonna hafto hack the nasa!! gimme k0d3z!
*r00tster* d0od msg nasaadmin, hes a D0rK
- *r00tster* uh, hold
*** NASAAdmin is admin@gsfc.nasa.gov Administrator of NASA
*** On IRC via server irc.nasa.gov
*** NASAAdmin is away: Be Right Back.
rattle SHIT. brb
* rattle is away: rattle-cam. NO, REALLY?!???
- *r00tster* uh DOOD this rocks!!
*r00tster* go sochully engineer dat dood, dood!!!
- *r00tster* u b3t i will!
mogel is it just me - or has anyone else here noticed that this channel is
full of chickens?!
eggrezn moGle fuCk yOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- *NASAAdmin* umm .. my name is emmanuel yolkstein, i work for the
department of uh .. rocket engines! yeah, thats it. but DAMN, i fergot
my password for nasa.gov. could you help me dood?!???
*NASAAdmin* Sure! What is your login name?
- *NASAAdmin* root
kfphr3d yo, diz channel iz wak. sheeeit.
*NASAAdmin* Ok, your password is system.
- *NASAAdmin* whoa!!!!!!! thanks dood!!!!
oods i want to say something cool...hehe!
*NASAAdmin* My pleasure!
- *r00tster* i got it!!
creed HAHA!!! THE REIGN OF Y0LK IS NOW REACHING ITS BITTER END!!!!
*** Signoff: creed k0t k0t k0d4k
y0lk telnet gsfc.nasa.gov
Trying 128.183.7.22 ...
Connected to gsfc.nasa.gov.
Escape character is .
*** WARNING ***
THIS UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT COMPUTING SYSTEM IS FOR AUTHORIZED USE ONLY.
USING IT FOR OTHER THAN OFFICIAL U.S. GOVERNMENT BUSINESS IS A VIOLATION OF
FEDERAL LAW.
INDIVIDUALS USING THIS COMPUTER SYSTEM ARE SUBJECT TO HAVING ALL OF THEIR
ACTIVITIES MONITORED AND RECORDED WITHOUT FURTHER NOTICE. KEYSTROKE
MONITORING AS WELL AS OTHER FORMS OF MONITORING MAY BE USED.
ANY INDIVIDUAL WHO USES THIS SYSTEM EXPRESSLY CONSENTS TO SUCH MONITORING
AND IS ADVISED THAT IF THIS MONITORING REVEALS POSSIBLE EVIDENCE OF CRIMINAL
ACTIVITY, THIS EVIDENCE MAY BE PROVIDED TO FEDERAL LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIALS
FOR POSSIBLE PROSECUTION.
login: root
password: system
SO HERE YOU ARE ..
AND DONT FORGET, *YOU* WILL BE PROSECUTED. *WE* ARE THE MAN.
AND NOW TIME FOR ..
NN N AAAAA SSSSS AAAAA : : : : : : : : : :
N N N A A SSS A A : : : : : : : : : :
-- N -- N N AAAAAA --- SSS - AAAAAA -----------------------------
N N A A SSSSS A A we have all the bombs.
welcome to the nasa site! you are a big, smart government person!
*hugz!* HACKERS NEVER GET ON THIS SYSTEM *grin!*
nasa hehehe! thiz iz kewl!
hehehe!: Command not found.
nasa ls -ls
256 -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 242452913 Nov 13 1995 missles
nasa rz yolkinfoz
waiting to receive.
nasa missles -fire yolkinfoz
Missile Launcher tm v4.04beta -- Written by: Fatslayer hehe : : :
*** YOU HAVE HAD THIS PROGRAM FOR OVER 30 DAYS : - REGISTER TODAY! : ***
Starting launch sequence now : ...........
Target 1: Creed .. *BEWM!* :
Target 2: Phorce .. *BEWM!* :
Target 3: Big Hurt .. *BEWM!* :
Target 4: Mercuri .. *BEWM!* *BEWM!* *BEWM!* extra missile request : :
Target 6: Ideal .. *BEWM!* :
Target 7: Hooch .. *SQOOSH!* stink bomb : hehe
The Yolk writers have been obliterated. :
Have a nice day : Hehe :
awesome! we have taken over y0lk.
lets write our OWN y0lk file now!
uh, WHY???
oh, FUCK YOU. we WANT to do it!
uh, okay.
so go write a t-file now!
y0lk pico y0lk-100.txt
UW PICOtm 2.5 New Buffer
Xl /
100 / /
y o// l k
c h i c k e n z f o r e v e r ! ! ! !
Yummy 0-day Lickin Kockz and all contents therein ..
1 y0lk ascii
2 y0lk 100 and all contents therein
3 worms are stupid, by: peewee the hacker chicken
4 how to card a nest, by: egghead ernie
5 social engineering pharmers, by: plummy pam
6 the egg-box, by: beaky becky
7 being a goth chicken in the ninetees, by: egg reznor
8 how to avoid pigs, by: kentucky fried fred
9 poultry sucks, by: grainbreaker
worms are stupid
by: peewee the hacker chicken
fuckin worms - do i ever hate them! the other day, i saw that worm
told him, hey worm, im a hacker chicken, so you gotta lemme eat you but
the motherfucker doesnt even answer acts dead. but since im clever, i
ate it anyway. *YUCK* it was dead for real!!@!@ those damn worms cant
just look dead or alive or something, they always confuse the hell outta me.
fuck those worms, i say.
how to card a nest
by: egghead ernie
a lot of chickens ask me how do i card a nest??? say ernie, i
will pay you ten eggs for a my very own carded nest!!!, i gladly take
their eggs, for they are stupid, stupid chickens.
i know that the whole nest-carding scene is going to totally flame me
for this, but now with my help - YOU can card your OWN nests, free!
carding a nest is very easy. all you need to do is to sneak into
your pharmers house in the middle of the night or in the day, look into
his wallet. take his VISA or MASTERCARD number, name, expiration
date, flutter over to the nearest payphone.
i suggest calling 1-800-DIGI-EGG for the fastest most reliable nest
service. they dont put any of that spit or moldy twigs or anything you
find in those low grade nests.
you - *beep*beep*beep*beep* redboxing!
operator - can i help you?
you - yes, i would like to order your premium nest model, please.
operator - ok, please give me your information. that will be four
bucks.
you - pharmer phil. 9443-3245-2534-3413. expires 12/96.
operator - ok, your nest is on its way!!!!
you - thanks!
see how calm relaxed i was the entire time? this is the additude
you *must* have when carding your own nests. oh, remember - youre a
chicken so you cant get caught! ha ha!
social engineering pharmers
by: plummy pam
you cant do it. pharmers fucking suck. fuck you, pharmer.
sometimes if you peck them in the foot *just* at the right moment,
while they are feeding you, you can get them to accidently spill *extra*
food for you! awesome!
the egg-box
by: beaky becky
the egg box is very simple.
- egg.
happy hacking!
being a goth chicken in the ninetees
by: egg reznor
lady death is my friend. my feathers are black. my beak is pierced.
being a chicken in the ninetees sucks. life will lead you to death.
seriously, whats a chicken can hope? we just get fed, fed, fed notice the
word here? fed until we get to the slaughterhouse die.
MY BLOOD WILL SOIL THEIR SLAUGHTERING MACHINES!@!! THEY WILL NOT
GET AWAY WITH ME!
I WILL KILL MYSELF BEFORE THEY KNOW ABOUT IT!! IM GONNA JUMP OFF
THE BARN WHEN THEY ARENT LOOKING!!!! DAMN CORPORATE HUMANS!!!@!
dont get me wrong. im a real goth. i KNOW life. i KNOW death.
i know everything. i pick by night. i sleep all day. i am a night owl -
er, bad pun.
anyhow, tonight theres a concert of nine inch eggs roosters of
mercy. its eggothapalooza. so, uh, fear.
LADY DEATH!@! I LOVE YOU!@*
how to avoid pigs
by: kentucky phried phred
da other day i wuz owt beige-boxin offa da pharmerz phonez, when
diz muthafuckin pig wuz phuckin gettin in ma phuckin face. he wuz real
big n phat, yo.
so i wuz lyke, yo! phuck off, phaggot.
dat dumazz pig juzt lookit me in da phaze n i sed yo, im audi5000,
muthafucka.
so i sez to you - do yer phuckin phreakin when doze phuckin pigz
our out at dunkin slop stuffin dare phuckin phazes.
poultry sucks
by: grainbreaker
i think poultry suqzors bekuz de peepul in it are rilly dum. like
the other day dat kid zeroegg just p0pz out of nowhere an tellz me i got no
skillz. i say its not troo im better than him, he sucks so i just kix0r
him outta the channel but then the bot pharmer kicks me an now i am on the
permaban. fuck u poultry!!!
but anyway i donna care because poultry SUCKS0RZ. dat kid EGgardian
alwayz talks shit like hez a h0mo or he wants to buttfuxor peepul an this
is rilly annoyin. dat negroz gotta git a life,.
oh well, im outta here, pe4ce out to my homiez.
c copyright 1996 yummy 0-day lickin kockz - all rights reserved.
File Saved.
y0lk
NO CARRIER
du0d what happened?!?@!!
this sucks do0d
cluck!!@ cluck!@
k-kLUQ!@!@
WHO THE HELL SHuT ThIS fUCKIN TH1NG D0WN?!@@!
awkward silence
noises are heard from outside the barn
du0d i hear noises from outside the barn.
kluq!!!!!!@
shUT UP U dUM cHIQUN!@@ weRE tRYING tO FIGUre wHOZZ outSIDE!@!
yEAH SHUT Up!@!@@
SHUT UP!@!@!@!@@!!@
op me someone ..
sume-1 bkick him!!
dcc me sATEN
stop flo0dING, lAYMUR!
dOOD dATZ fUCT UP d00oOUODZ!@!
oP mUH d0OoDZ!!@@!@!
KLUCK!@@!@! kLuCK!@!@!@*77
4NY-1 W4NTS N3TS3X0R???!!@?!??!@? 3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3HH3 : : :
WINK SNICKER : SNICKER EVIL GRIN :
61/3 //3 +3//5H13 S30/!!!!!!!@!@!@@!
.. hi!
everyone: hi trixie!!!!!!!!@!@ snicker wink : :
various noises from outside, goddammit!@@!
uh, do0dz theres actually some people outside.
oh shit chicken, shit shit dat kid shows up man, maybe thats the
feds do0d, chicken that sucks.
word.
someone knocks at the door
dood we gotta answer.
uh, wHo iZ dAt??!@@@!@
d00d iNVITE mE!@ tHIS iS mASTUR bBQ!!!!
oh dood that was master bbs
haha u sed bbs
serveral hours later, the barn blew up, killing all its occupiants.
what happened? who was involved?
does master bbq have anything to do with this story? well, not
really.
so what the fuck is going on?!@?!@?@!
lets meet telecom legends mogel eerie as they walk in the
beautiful plains of arkansas, a few hours before the explosion.
mogel: dood look, a barn!@
eerie: wow man, phear. lets hack it!@@!
mogel: dood how do you haq a barn?!@@!
eerie: man, i think if i remember my t-files correctly phrack 2,
article 7 - kArDiNg b0MbS, grayareas 5 - THE SECRET OF
EXPLOSiVES, of course hootie 56 - phun with barns we
gotta find some explosive matter.
mogel: yeah dood, but letz not forget about what we learned in
other t-files ibft 24 - you suck a really really really
lot very much with cherries on top, dto 9 - a
multi-cultural spectrum of anger, cdc 37 - fuck the
world go get a life.
eerie: umm .. man, youre not really helping the cause of this
story at all - which is already rather pathetic.
mogel: dood i know, but i felt like namechecking old school zines.
eerie: you silly mogboy. there, lets hack this barn.
mogel: ok!!!!@
BEWM!@@!@!!@!@@*@!@
eerie: ok, now, the story would normally finish here, but the thing
is, if you remember, the y0lk writers are technically dead,
as well as their whole family.
mogel: but since we are such swell guys, full of love, compassion,
respect towards the zine scene, we will help reviving them
using gnu skewl c0d3z that only us have the skills the
knowledge of.
eerie: so here are we, looking back at past text files for some
more namechecking action.
mogel: wicca monthly 6 - w4k3 uP pEEPUL pHROM tHE D3Ad,
Underground Voodoo Times uVt 43 - HOW TO PHREAK CORPSES,
w0ol 1 - no thats quite alright .. what do they all have
in common?!
eerie: ganja 257 - how to smoke crack with a butt plug
playing a recording of laughter
mogel: that was funny! hee hee! good one!
eerie: thanks, man.
mogel: eerie, dood - i think what this t-file really needs a cameo
appearance from rattle, dood.
eerie: man sure, man man.
rattle: i dont know why the fuck i am writing for something as lame
as y0lk, but moggie wouldnt stop pestering me for an
article.. so here i am.. i dont really have any writing
skills, but wtf.. first off the bbs scene around here just
plain sucks.. and second off there arent any really good
isps in tennessee with fast connections that will let my
rattlecam tm/r/c/us pat: 4,342,231 work fast enough for
people all over the world to watch me act like a drunk jackass
on irc.. CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT?!?@ and another thing, what
the hell is with all of the /away people in zines??!@ if i
wanted to talk to people with no substance than id join
13.. and another thing, ..
mogel: im sorry nick - but we need to keep this file under 500k ..
eerie: directly from philadelphia, its scraaaambled-out!@
mogel: yes, ladies, gentlemen, y0lkies - scrambled out, the one
only show that everyone watches because our hostess is a
chick, lets welcome the new editor of HoE, metalchic!!@
metalchic: hI!!
eerie: well metalchic, whats going on?
metalchic: hehehe maby okey im host for thi sshow thats pretty kewl
mogel: so metalchic, lets introduce the guests!@!
metalchic: well 3 guyz who are gonna try to seduce the guest!!!
eerie: but introduce us, metalchic!!@!@!@ we like 0-day guests!@!@
metalchic: ok, lets introduce them!!!!!!!! guest 1 lives in washington
state is a zines regular but nobody know him: jestapher!!!!
mogel: wow, jestapher?
eerie: yeah like, who would have thought that jestapher could be in
this file?!@!@ shock value!!!!@
jestapher: i have trust in myself, because i love chix hehe : :
metalchic: guest 2 is from swampy delaware hehehe he is otherwise known
as joltcolas little brother: nybar
eerie: hey nybar, dcc me poupey!! hehehe!!!! get it?!@/!@ : :
mogel: what are you trying to do eerie-kun-of-the-sun?
eerie: didnt you see my intense wit into imitating the behaviour of
an irc addict?
mogel: that was truly witty.
nybar: I told my mom about tha Time i PoOped My PaNTS and shE got
Rilly Mad
mogel: oh my god ..
nybar: Rilly Rilly Rilly MADD!!!!!!!@@!!@!!!!!!!!!!!
eerie: argh@!! make it stop!@!
joltcola: my brother actually said that out loud in the last 30 seconds.
nybar: Dood jC thinx aOl iz d4 h1t
metalchic: guestt 3 is from philadelphia he ran thousand of zines such
as rice, pez and hoe i think!!??@ like okey, this is black
francis
bF: shut up. what am i doing in this fuckin corporate animal
testing show?
eerie: this is the show of love!@
bf: love is for art fags.
mogel: youre getting paid good money!@
bF: yeah yeah. so anyhwo, move the show on, bitch.
metalchic: hehehe Justin that was funny hehe :P okey now my first
question is if i was a candy bar, what kind would i be??
heheheeh :
jestapher: well uh .. hehe that would be a tasty candy bar so itd be
kewler if it was tushie flavoer hehehe
crowd: drama
jestapher: hehe j/k
nybar: oH hEnRY chocolates are kewler because they loOk Like POOP!!@
crowd: laughter
bF: fuck you.
crowd: applause
metalchic: hehehe and the winner is bF!!!@@1 hhehe justin the prize is
that you win ME!@!
show interrupted
CYBER NEWS NETWORK
@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
N E W S F L A S H D U 0 D ! @ !
mogel: we are sorry to interrupt this program for a special news
report from the rocky shore of lubbock, texas. heres eerie,
live on the scene!@!@@!
eerie: man this sucks!@ here is eerie on the scene of a zine war
in lubbock texas riot noises have been reported but no one
noises really say anything about riot then you add one
cup of flour, you noise
Swamp Ratte: The medium is NOT the message. The message is the message,
and the medium is insignificant when it can be taken for
granted. Thats what we want.
crowd: oooooooh!
crank: well, uh, jamesy made a typo error and he retaliated with
lyrics from tori amos!@
crowd: silence, grumbles
Emmanuel: This kind of power is unprecedented in the hands of solitary
citizens. Its precisely because of the hacker mentality
responsible for creating this medium that the authorities are
in such a panic.
eerie: its really nutty out here, mogel!!! bring your extra
raincoat : hehe
crowd: laughter
mogel: thats cool cause i dont have a flippin clue what youre
talking about, frenchie! hahahahaha!
eerie: hahaha! awesome!!@ anyhow, here is pixy presenting a *LiVe*
interview with the last writing talent of gweeds - IN A
BOTTLE!
pixy: Yer all dumb.
gweeds talent: ...
mogel: hahahaha! thats a great gag, my combos-addicted chum!
eerie: no problemo, senior moggums a la ramen!
mogel: wait! the official 1996 zine awards are beginning, right
after this commercial break! lets stay tuned!!!
Hello, this is Nybar here with a commercial for..
Y0lk -- The egg sucker!
Gentleman.. the future is here! y0lk has released the
incredible EGG sucker!
It can :
1. Teach your grandma ta suck eggs
2. Teach your grandpa ta suck eggs!
3. Suck eggs!
its THREE.. THREE.. count em THREE things in one! Now.. no more
annoying egg drip off.. getting on your pants!! Lets see what JoltCola had
to say about the y0lk egg sucker:
Me: So jolt.. had any traumatizing experiences with egg drip?
jC: What? What?!?@?@!?
Me: How has the y0lk egg sucker.. changed your life?
jC: What the hell are you talking about?
Me: Were there any egg drips on your butt?!?@?
JC: Teehee.. you said Butt
Me: Answer yes or no!
jC: Yes or no!!
Me: Just shut the fuck up@!@
jC: Um.. Ill teach yer grandma ta suck eggs?
Me: With the y0lk egg sucker! yeah!
So.. if the y0lk egg sucker was good enough for a k-rad zine
dood.. its good enough for you! Kall 1-800-Yum-Y0lk today.
no cod fish accepted
eerie: allo, america! directly from the uXudome in sweden - the
third annual SCENE AWARDS!
- --- sCeNe --- -
96
CHeEEeEEEEEEEEeEeEEEeEEEeEEEeEEEeEEEeEEEERRRR!*!*!!!!!
mogel: well, our first presenter is straight from hack - everyone
give a vivacious cheer to Y-WiNDoZE winterrose!
y: Well thanks, fucklover.
wr: i was over ffejs house the other day hehehe after i was over
syntax errors house hehehehe
y: I r00l.
wr: y come over :?
y: zines are lame. The internet is lame.
wr: u r sillie ..
crowd: laughter
y: This first award is for fags. Its the best ansigeek of the
year or some shit thats the real award name!!!. du0d i
have THEDRAW 6.0 REGISTERED!
wr: our nominees *are*:
y: yawn
wr: lordjazz of various ansi groups this year alone!
ld: Your aLl a bunch of fuCkinG lemmingz
wr: radman of ACiD!!!!!! ACid!!! you know them!!!!
radman: Well, I think everyone here should write for The Product 2!
wr: from even more groups than lord jazz - nootropic!
nootie: groups arent important - I AM.
y: Fags.
wr: the winner is .. bisounours!
crowd: WHO?!!?!
biz: i think mogel stuffed the ballat hehe :
mogel: i luv yew, bizzy!!
awkward pause
eerie: well, uh .. our next award is being presented by quite an
unlikely duo! oh, mogel - what crazy characters we are!!
mogel: yes! we are clever!
eerie: introducing .. TGuardian from ansi Gaurdian from zines!
TGuardian: eYEM naWt gay bUt my b0yfRIend iZ. i also like to fuck dogs.
Gaurd: Hahahaha : Youre very silly, TG.
TGuardian: this award is the most annoying hacker in irc and the guy
who surfz the www with a powerSUN thats the real award
name!!!! aND dEY wILL wIN tEWSH1E sEX0R wIFF mE!!@ hEY gAURd
yEW sPELLeD YeR nAMe wR0NG!@
Gaurd: Hahaha : What humor! So, the nominees are ..
TGuardian: fIRST nOMINEE fOR bUTtraPe is .. rEDR4G0N!@!@
ReDragon: what the hell am i doing here?!@ im a nice guy!
Gaurd: Second nominee is : tersIan.
tersIan: cunt.
TGuardian: aND the 3rD of dOZe fAGZ iS: U4Ea!!@!!!@
U4EA: i own you.
Gaurd: Even me? : And now, the winner is ..
TGuardian: erikb oF pHRACK eLECTROSEXYMAGAZIine
erikb: haha, i hacked the ballot, now you see i am a real hacker!@!@
eerie: my, mogel, erikb definitely has angst. he should write for
beep.
mogel: haha, eerie, you just said a word that was not underground!
curse!@ curse!@
eerie: haha, i do it for shock value of course! i will do it
again. beep beep beep .. or do you prefer .. rice rice
rice .. oops, this one stays uncensored!@
mogel: thats THE MAN threatening us down!@!!@@
eerie: now on for a performance from the fertilizers.
i am filled with angst
i wanna kill the world
i dont eat meat for meat is murder
i am so, so, so ..
agent passes
agent: those kids are pretty good. hey, you, would you like to sign
a contract with us? im from caroline records i like your
sound.
mogel: there, another of those jokes only murmur will get.
eerie: thats why its funny, mogel!@@!
mogel: YES I SEE!@@! HAHAHAHA!@!!@
mogel: so here we are, ready for the zines personality of the year.
a very praised trophy from the whole zines community. the
presenters are maestro, currently in no group ?@!!@?!@
TClaw, directly from warez!@
maestro: well, this will be a very strange presentation.
TClaw: who are you?@!??@
maestro: i am an ansi legend.
TClaw: ansi??@!?@
maestro: well, its bizarre to find myself talking to a warez kid.
TClaw: Sorry, gotta go! fatefiles is calling.
TClaw runs out of the studio to his computers.
valgamon: what the hell is wrong with you guys????????????
maestro: well, i guess ill have to do that alone .. the first nominee
for zines personality of the year the guy with too much
peanut butter thats the real award name!!! is .. edicius
of jonas e-zine!
edi: well, this special issue keeps getting bigger and bigger and
it still seems to keep going forever!
maestro: the second nominee is .. jamesy!
jamesy: jew. *hUggiEz*
maestro: the third nominee is .. mercuri!!@
mercuri cannot be found
orestes: um .. this is bizarre. mercuri is always around.
eerie: this is, *cough* really bizarre indeed, isnt it mogel.
mogel: truly *cough* bizarre, but then again, we might know more at
the end of this file!
eerie: what a suspense-keeper you are, mogel?
styx: what the hell is this - mog threes?
mogel: that was pretty obscure, styx. lemme explain this last joke.
mog threes sounds a *little bit* like the popular angsty
comic book milk cheese - this is funny my toast fried
french friend!@!@
eerie: quiet, mogel!! you are spoiling the joke for the more
quick-witted readers!
mogel: doh!
maestro: and the winner is .. y0lkb0t!@
y0lkb0t: thank you, mogel! thank you, eerie! im very excited to get
this award. since i had ops, i set the channel mode to +m
no one could vote but me! i won!
mogel: you know its bad when we start using irc-command jokes.
eerie: well put, baron von moggelic the fourth!
ok. this is eerie here. me mogel really over-killed it this time.
theres no going back now. weve gone too far.
the y0lk writers are all dead. damn. how in hell are we gonna save
them!??
eerie: yeah like, *how*?
mogel: i dunno.
look at me, i just typed myself doing something responding to what
i just said. maybe its time for something really clever ..
cause i mean, you know, zines ..
i mean they come, they go all. ive seen many a story written
where the characters would just blow up at the end because the writer had no
clue how to end it all.
y0lk writers are dead? hah hah.
get real. this is only a zine795utjwtkgjtwerjtseg
asdfk
dsfsdlg dfhkdfhk
sfjsdgksfhsrg kltdkg
goddamit, eerie, you just always find a way to ruin these files with
that leap into reality. dont you know anything about chaos?!?!!?
skdfjsdf
asfdldfk fuck you ..gskfa ok, maybe its time for a real file for y0lk 100.
----- y0lk 100!@ ----------------------------------------------------------
grannie smith apple or whatever random title i can find by : eerie
yo, so here am i, today, writing my first y0lk file. let me introduce
myself. my name is eerie i am a professional slacker. all i do all day is
sit at the computer fight for mental sanity. yes, i do that. i have
lotsa angst. the angst is the key.
------------------------------------- i lub dem silly dividers hehe : -----
oh, man. that was horrible, 33.
*heres* how y0lk 100 SHOULD be ..
/ / // 11111 111111 111111
/ / / / 1111111 111 111 111 111
/ / / 11111 1111 1111 1111 1111
/ / o o 11111 1111 1111 1111 1111
O 11111 1111 1111 1111 1111
/ 11111 111 111 111 111
11111 111111 111111
WeRE nOt GuNnA tAKe iT!@*
by - Pip The Angry Youth
Hello! This is Pip The Angry Youth! Ok, byebye!
here is the index, for, we hope, the last time in this format.
thats a little more than 100 lines now, i mean, its bigger than most y0lk
files themselves!@@!
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
50 the best of the worst creed
51 the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave trip
52 ode to my feet creed
53 hopelessly lost poots
54 the schoolhouse r0x! phorce
55 campbells chicken-noodle soup omen of death creed
56 dead cats juke
57 my inner taco handle
58 my place, or yours? mercuri
59 how to really use that spiffy monopoly money lumpy
60 struggle wif the giant pink elephant lucifer
61 why did the chicken cross the road? insane
62 y0lk test pattern mutter
63 ELiTE LiT from the master himself creed
64 creeds k-rad lit archives, volume two creed
65 UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME. creed
66 how y0lk saved my life sorta creed
67 shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles ideal
68 some puppet plays phorce
69 ... Hello operator ... mutter
70 i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. traq
71 battle of the ants rage
72 fun on the phone ideal
73 yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries.. handle
74 i love you as my own mother sphrog
75 jamesy and the giant slinky jamesy
76 do not fuck with the big and hairy bears murmur
77 horror story oeb
78 dat wh0re s.sheep
79 the ewok rant taraxis
80 the arcade avenger tao
81 the night before 2600 d.cheez
82 journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist taraxis
83 a generic y0lk file mogel
84 cultural inclination? m.head
85 australia through the eyes of a spoon spoony
86 the life of a demented sysop spoony
87 little johnny carpenter franman
88 phan male ideal
89 bighurt is back! bighurt
90 the discovery channel sphrog
91 fruitopia caps!@ bighurt
92 the story of carla trip
93 a joltcola y0lk joltcola
94 spinsanes story spinsane
95 fish pillows, mothers, and limericks sphrog
96 cOsmic revelations, fever induced flashbacks, and pedOph... spinsane
97 stinky cheese and the seven messy petes joltcola
98 what ive seen of y0lk really sucks kojak
99 the badness steps out and takes a solo y0lk
100 the beginning of the end peewee
TT
--infoez-------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether
you like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board,
et cetera.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge.
clarification: mindcrime may actually be a y0lk member. no one
knows.
heil creed. HEIL! HEIL!
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp.openix.com/ftp/phorce/y0lk
or .. call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or* .. look for y0lkb0t on irc, efnet. type @y0lk number for
y0lks.
OR .. ATTENTION y0lkies! join the y0lk mailing list! chat about
y0lk and all them other zines, too! email listserv@magsystems.com with the
line subscribe y0lk in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ
the NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isnt that special? join y0lknet too. thank
phorce. if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read
alt.zines.y0lk!@
OR OR OR!@ the *official* y0lk html is at www.openix.com/phorce/y0lk/
OR! coming soon! micro pirate radio! a y0lk hour-of-fun ON
THE AIR! sorry, available only for those in the northern new jersey area.
dont you feel like youre getting a little too much information
here? couldnt we just show our ftp site and shut up? its just sad that
we have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
.sPYs.
,sP ---.
.--. - bgd . s ss9s. s
,- s + s. b
d. YbssdYbssdP bgdbssdPtMM :
sss P , , .
: P s .sPYs. .sPYs. 7 P
. Ys ,s s s ss.
YbssdP YbssdP
+ ------------- - - the beginning of the end - - -------------- +
by: peewee, the hacker chicken
with a special appearance from pip the angry youth!
so, uh, yeah.
word.
whos missing?
joe is.
knock knock
there, that must be him.
wait, we have to ask him for his password to be sure its him.
thats the problem with chickens. we all look the same.
hello, stranger. login?
well, im joe.
say the s3kr1t c0d3z.
SYSTEM
uh, ok. its him.
so guys, whats up?
well, we gotta talk about the sikr1t pr0j3kt of taking over that
evil zine shamefully called y0lk.
woo-hoo-hoo! fuck y0lk! burn it down!
calm down, brother chickens - for we have a plan! as you know, we
had projected on accomplishing this before y0lk 100, and this will be
done!
yay! death to y0lk!
shh!@ so, um, well, we decided to ask our expert h4qur, peewee, to
hack creeds account, so that we could get sikr1t files information.
but, um, whatll be the point?
whatll be the point to *what*?
hacking creeds account .. i mean, itll make a good hoe 90 parody
file, but apart from that, itd just be as easy if wed just burn the houses
of y0lk members down?
hmm. yeah, i must admit that i havent thought of that.
confusion amoungst the hacker chickens
well, the thing is, peewee is already hacking the account as we
speak, so uh ..
awkward silence
.. SO FUCKING WHAT. WELL BURN THEIR HOUSES DOWN ANYWAY!@!@
woo-hoo! die, y0lk! die y0lk, die! chickens rools in
ninety-six!
word, chickenz. well take it all over!@ they will feer the meat.
WE WILL SHOW THEM THAT MEAT IS MURDER, GOD DAMN IT. HAHAHAHAHA!@!
trying 247.103.1.33 ..
connected to y0lk.net.
escape character is .
y0lkix version 5.01.
login: creed
password: hailsanta
welcum 2 yolk.net! unauthorized axiz prohibited!
send mail to root@y0lk.net.
y0lk mail
you have 4 new e-mails waiting, creed.
1 weiner@t0c.net Sat Jun 29 16:15 51/2126 DUDE THIS SUX!!!!!!!!!!
2 aym2@thorn.net Mon Jul 8 22:21 26/1055 alt.youth.media
3 eerie@dto.net Tue Jul 9 01:32 30/1088 bear my child
4 mogel@dto.net Tue Jul 9 03:10 30/1088 re: like, im tired
1
message 1:
Date: Sat, 29 Jun 1996 16:15:46 +1000 EST
From: Weiner t0c/y0lk weiner@t0c.net
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: DUDE THIS SUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HI CREED. THIS IS WEINER. THE GUY WHO BROKE IN MOGELS APARTMENT
WROTE Y0LK 84.
I KNOW YOU DONT READ THE Y0LK SUBMISSIONS, SO I GUESS MY WARNING
MESSAGE JUST FELL UPON DEAF EARS. WELL, NOW I SURE HOPE YOU READ YOUR EMAIL,
BECAUSE *GREAT DANGER* IS COMING.
THE HACKER CHICKENS HAVE FOUND ME. THEY KNOW WHERE I AM. THEY KNOW
THAT I *KNOW* ABOUT THEIR SECRET PLANS OF TAKING OVER Y0LK THE ENTIRE
UNIVERSE. see how i use those ampersand thingies? thats cause i love
mogel so much. he uses them in all his files. THEY TRACKED ME DOWN USING
UNKNOWN HAQING T00LZ I KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME SOON.
CREED, LISTEN TO ME. THE CHICKENS ARE NOT A BAD Y0LK INSIDE JOKE!@
THEY ARE TRULY WILLING TO TAKE OVER HUMANITY STUFF!!@!!
AAARGH!@!@ I HEAR THEIR GROWLS!!@ THEYRE NEAR MY ROOM DOOR NOW ..
I THINK THEY KILLED MY PARENTS!@!@ THOSE CHICKENS ARE TOTALLY *SADISTIC*!!
THEY ATE ALL OF MY RAMEN!@@ MY LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS, CREED, IN YOUR
HANDS ONFF!456
6455567
THEY 4
Q5ARE AATGH
HFGH
owwwwwwwwwwwwwww w w w w
G
2
message 2:
Date: Mon, 8 Jul 1996 22:21:47 -0500
From: aym2@thorn.net
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: alt.youth.media
Dear YOlkmasta,
Ive been browsing yOlks, sampling a few issues and have really enjoyed it.
YOlks is very refreshing and the writing is totally insane. I like it a lot
and plan on visiting again to read more.
Im interested in speaking with you regarding alt.youth.media, an exhibition
that The New Museum of Contemporary Art, New York is presenting in
Septmeber. The exhibition will look at youth culture through an examination
of alternative publications, videos, and on-line projects. The exhibition
will include screening areas where videos will be continuously viewed,
computers for websites and CD ROM projects and a zine reading and publishing
area.
I would enjoy getting in touch with you to discuss yOlks and how it could be
included in the exhibition. Please contact me at 212-XXX-XXXX or send me
e-mail at aym2@thorn.net. I look forward to hearing from you!
Sincerely,
Melanie Franklin
Curatorial Administrator, The New Museum of Contemporary Art
3
message 3:
Date: Tue, 9 Jul 1996 01:32:46 +1000 EST
From: eerie-kun eerie@dto.net
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: bear my child
creed, will you bear my child?
333
i wanna be the girl with the most angst
4
message 4:
Date: Tue, 9 Jul 1996 03:10:44 +1000 EST
From: mogel mogel@dto.net
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: re: like, im tired
do0d! m0gel! please give me a t-file for y0lk 100! i need you!
all the submissions i have gotta are total crap!
ok, creed-baby. how about you let me eerie write the whole issue
of y0lk 100 by ourselves?
i think thats brilliant! ok? ok?! ok!
la la later,
* mighty mogel
* doomed to obscurity head editor - doomed@boicenet.com
* i like big butts.
q
mail saved.
y0lk ls
1daywarez 3kid-suck01.jpg 3kid-suck02.jpg
3kid-suck03.jpg 3kid-suck04.jpg 3kid-suck05.jpg
3kid-suck06.jpg 3kid-suck07.jpg 3kid-suck08.jpg
3kid-suck09.jpg 3kid-suck10.jpg 3kid-suck11.jpg
3kid-suck12.jpg 3kid-suck13.jpg 3kid-suck14.jpg
3kid-suck15.jpg 3kid-suck16.jpg 3kid-suck17.jpg
3kid-suck18.jpg dto-012.txt submissions
y0lk cd submissions
y0lk ls
creedisinlove fuckzines hehehehe
irc-mom.txt today topten
y0lk cat topten
O. .O /
top 10 methods to overkill a joke
/ as toldeth by ideal /
Wow, Im bored. So bored that i decided to write another y0lk
article. So, here I am sitting in the back of a car, listening to some
Smashing Pumpkins they rule! best fuckin band around, driving up to the
dog tracks to do some underage betting! Anyhow, I was reading some COOL
text files and I got this GREAT idea for one.
TOP TEN METHODS TO OVERKILL A JOKE
10. Repeat the joke.
9. Repeat again!
8. Repeat it one more time!
7. Repeat it again!
6. You should probably repeat this joke again for the full affect.
5. Try repeating the joke again.
4. Repeat it!
3. At this point, youve probably already overkilled it hehehe! :
2. Repeat the joke again!
1. HeheHEheHEhehe : : Creed Rulez! Yolk Rox!
Peace out.
y0lk rm topten
y0lk cat irc-mom.txt
---woo--------------------------------------------------------------------
my mom on irc
by - phorce
---woo--------------------------------------------------------------------
i was on irc the other day and out of NO WHERE my MOM came on! i was
like, what the hell? - heres a log of it!
+---woo---+
*** phorcemom phorcemom@parents.y0lk.net has joined zines
phorcemom phorce!??! are you idle again!?!?
phorce gah!! mom??! what the hell are you doing on IRC?
phorcemom trying to get you to clean your room. ever since you bolted
the door wouldnt take out the garbage, its been hard to talk
to you.
phorce shut up, mom!
*** mode change -o+b phorcemom *!phorcemom@parents.y0lk.net on channel
zines
*** phorcemom has been kicked off zines by phorce yuck yuck
+---woo---+
greetz go to mogel he says hi to me on IRC! to other kewl doodz
that helped me write y0lk 99!
y0lk rm irc-mom.txt
y0lk cat creedisinlove
me
by - creed
i
am a wilted flower
standing here in the cold, aluminum rain.
and i am a woman.
and i have pain.
why do you mock me?
because
i am fake and stupC
C
C
y0lk rm creed*
y0lk cat fuckzines
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck you zines !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by - hooch! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously, fuck. im fucken pissed at all the zines kids. all they do is
sit there and idle all day and say shit.
there, the other day bF was on zines, and i asked him when the new rice
was coming out and he said FUCK YOU JERKFACE, except he couldnt ban me
because he didnt have ops. actually, no one had ops.
also, gaurdian wont put me on snuffyii, and this sucks. fuck you gaurdian.
even though i have ops on y0lkb0t, i want SnuffyII action too!!!@@ anyway,
the bots are always banned in zines, and when theyre here, they dont
have ops. thats the dto people again. fuck you murmur and tao. you all
suck!!!
so anyhow, zines suck. i just read dto and it was pretty bad. too long and
too serioius. then again theres y0lk thats good. but hey, were gonna be
in an exposition in a museum, or so creed said. creed is pretty rad. i mean,
y0lk is dumb and all, but its entertainment. you zines kids dont
understand what entertainment is. youre so stupid.
so i just went in y0lk the other day but no one was there. tough shit. i
came back in zines and no one was talking except bF, but i dont remember
what he was talking about.
then mogel came in the channel and asked me to write for dto. wow!! thats
pretty rad!
so yeah, dto is pretty good. but y0lk is better, even if its dumb.
so uh yeah.
i think im gonna stop this here.
maybe.
or maybe not.
gee, this is turning into a murmur article. but well, dto is good.
but y0lk is better.
btw, heres the first few lines of digdug.exe, shown through dosedit.
, -pp-
y0lk rm fuckzines
y0lk cat hehehehe
fun-ee joex
submitted by: mercuri
i was talking to HANDLE the other day we were talking about MONKEYS
then handle said LETS KILL SOME COMMIES!!!!!
HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
y0lk rm hehehehe
y0lk cat today
i am the ruler of the whole universe
a text file written by BIG HURT
2day was an ok day.
i got up, i put on my supperman underoo pajamas, went to the
bathroom, and made some applejax. i started eating them real slow, when i
noticed the time. i was gonna be late, so i slurped down my serial and
went 2 skewl.
i really dont like skewl very much, but i got to go to batting
practice which is always pretty phun.
theres this lowd kid on my baseball team that always talks a bout
reliegion and distracts me when im trying to concentricate. people that
talk during those times are annoying. my feelings on religion are .. well, i
think trent reznor said it best -
god is dead
and no one cares
if there is a hell
ill see you theyre
i think that this song means that god died and that in trent reznors
opinion no one really gives a shit, but then again he doesnt deny the idea
that there could be a hell, which is the opposite of heavenf, and that he
will go there and see you. but, then again, im not in trent reznors head,
so maybe i dont know what it means! man, i wish there is a hell cause ive
never met trent reznor in my life and i sure wish i could!!
anyhow, this kid got hit in the head with the ball and hee! it was
phunny he got a head like a hole!! hehehe...
so i went home and i watched x-filez and my mom kept talking the hole
time. sometimes its so boring on friday night. i had nothing to do today.
its knot like im a geek or nothin i just didnt have any plans. plans,
thats what counts. if you have plans youll go someware in life. i dont do
2 many drugs or drink but sometimes its nice to get youre mind off problems
and to forget wear you are. then again those who do drugs will go noware in
life.
i herd trent is on drugs, but my opinion is that its just a rumor.
i tried to right again for my little zine, yellow journal, but
the whisper virus fucked up my turbo pascal 7.0. this sucks, now i cant
code. i like to code. especially in upper case. coding will get you far in
life. baseball too.
the other day my dad asked me 2 rite a program that makes the family
budget and it was nice to do it. this kind of program require special skills.
i almost did it, i think. but then again my tp7 crashed. i will finish it
later. until then ill go do some more batting.
i gotta jet now. l8r.
y0lk rm today
y0lk
*this* is whats stopping us from world domination!?
what the heck was all that stuff?
wheres the h/p text?!
wheres the good writing?!
wheres the humor?!
wheres the quality control?!
warez the warez?!!?
what time is it???????????????????????????????????????????
were chickens. we dont have watches, stupid.
lets go to kfc.
awkward silence
uh, that was a joke guys.
anyhow, we gotta do something now. what do you think?
me thinks the best bet would be to get on irc in case we could get
k0deZ!!
yeah, true. kodes are to hacking what pointlessness is to ansi.
uh, what?
nevermind, i was trying to be deep, but its hard for a chicken to
be any deep, yknow.
yeah, were stupid our brain is small.
but thats why we are such great hackers.
um, word, i guess.
y0lk irc creed irc.frontiernet.net
*** Connecting to port 6666 of server irc.frontiernet.net
*** Welcome to the College Dropout Network creed
*** Your host is irc.frontiernet.net, running version 2.8/digi+th.4c3
*** This server was created Fri Jun 7 1996 at 18: 21:20 EDT
*** Do you really read those things? I dont.
*** umodes available oiwscrk, channel modes available biklmnopstv
*** There are 6315 users and 7608 invisible on 79 servers
*** There are 154 operators online
*** 5338 channels have been formed
*** This server has 280 clients and 1 servers connected
*** This couldnt be anymore pointless
*** Current local users: 280 Max: 619
*** Current global users: 13923 Max: 23259
*** - irc.frontiernet.net Message of the Day -
*** No BOTS! No SCRIPTZ!!! No ELITE!!!! ELITE IS BAD!!!!
*** WE SAW HACKERS, WE KNOW WHAT WERE TALKING ABOUT!!!
*** Quotes of the week:
*** DumIRCOp Damn, us IRCOps are pretty lame!!! HAHAhahaAH
*** MetalMan The other day I saw a pig an I said Hi IRcop!@!!!!
*** HahaAH FuNNy
*** creed creed@y0lk.net has joined channel zines
*** Topic for zines: jew.
*** Topic for zines set by jamesy on Thu Aug 1 08:45:04 1996
*** Users on zines: creed r00tster @mercuri b1rdy bBQ plummy styx phatk0q
metalchic @edi tMM beakyb kojak KLaWz oods diewormz @mogel gbreaker
feathers tao sp1c3 kfphr3d @phorce @crank @murmur eggrezn @bF @jamesy
@y0lkb0t @SnuffyXXV egghead @rattle
y0lkb0t creed look at that creed! hehehe silly creed!!!
phorce DAMMIT mogel, WHEN is y0lk 100 gonna be released?!?!
mogel phorce - *smooch* i lub u
mercuri creed!!!!!!!!!
bBQ sO n-e ov u do n-e zine??
bF :-
bF :
bF :I
bF :-
bF 8
metalchic justin your dumb!!!!!
bF -
bF 8
bF :-
bF this script rules.
*** bF has been kicked off channel zines by murmur DAMN YOU AND YOUR
SCRIPT!!!!
*** bF bf@rice.org has joined channel zines
*** Mode change +o bF by metalchic on channel zines
diewormz kluck kluck kluck
eggrezn die- wh0rd 2 dat
- *r00tster* man its me peewee
*r00tster* hey sup1!!!kluck
- *r00tster* im gonna hafto hack the nasa!! gimme k0d3z!
*r00tster* d0od msg nasaadmin, hes a D0rK
- *r00tster* uh, hold
*** NASAAdmin is admin@gsfc.nasa.gov Administrator of NASA
*** On IRC via server irc.nasa.gov
*** NASAAdmin is away: Be Right Back.
rattle SHIT. brb
* rattle is away: rattle-cam. NO, REALLY?!???
- *r00tster* uh DOOD this rocks!!
*r00tster* go sochully engineer dat dood, dood!!!
- *r00tster* u b3t i will!
mogel is it just me - or has anyone else here noticed that this channel is
full of chickens?!
eggrezn moGle fuCk yOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- *NASAAdmin* umm .. my name is emmanuel yolkstein, i work for the
department of uh .. rocket engines! yeah, thats it. but DAMN, i fergot
my password for nasa.gov. could you help me dood?!???
*NASAAdmin* Sure! What is your login name?
- *NASAAdmin* root
kfphr3d yo, diz channel iz wak. sheeeit.
*NASAAdmin* Ok, your password is system.
- *NASAAdmin* whoa!!!!!!! thanks dood!!!!
oods i want to say something cool...hehe!
*NASAAdmin* My pleasure!
- *r00tster* i got it!!
creed HAHA!!! THE REIGN OF Y0LK IS NOW REACHING ITS BITTER END!!!!
*** Signoff: creed k0t k0t k0d4k
y0lk telnet gsfc.nasa.gov
Trying 128.183.7.22 ...
Connected to gsfc.nasa.gov.
Escape character is .
*** WARNING ***
THIS UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT COMPUTING SYSTEM IS FOR AUTHORIZED USE ONLY.
USING IT FOR OTHER THAN OFFICIAL U.S. GOVERNMENT BUSINESS IS A VIOLATION OF
FEDERAL LAW.
INDIVIDUALS USING THIS COMPUTER SYSTEM ARE SUBJECT TO HAVING ALL OF THEIR
ACTIVITIES MONITORED AND RECORDED WITHOUT FURTHER NOTICE. KEYSTROKE
MONITORING AS WELL AS OTHER FORMS OF MONITORING MAY BE USED.
ANY INDIVIDUAL WHO USES THIS SYSTEM EXPRESSLY CONSENTS TO SUCH MONITORING
AND IS ADVISED THAT IF THIS MONITORING REVEALS POSSIBLE EVIDENCE OF CRIMINAL
ACTIVITY, THIS EVIDENCE MAY BE PROVIDED TO FEDERAL LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIALS
FOR POSSIBLE PROSECUTION.
login: root
password: system
SO HERE YOU ARE ..
AND DONT FORGET, *YOU* WILL BE PROSECUTED. *WE* ARE THE MAN.
AND NOW TIME FOR ..
NN N AAAAA SSSSS AAAAA : : : : : : : : : :
N N N A A SSS A A : : : : : : : : : :
-- N -- N N AAAAAA --- SSS - AAAAAA -----------------------------
N N A A SSSSS A A we have all the bombs.
welcome to the nasa site! you are a big, smart government person!
*hugz!* HACKERS NEVER GET ON THIS SYSTEM *grin!*
nasa hehehe! thiz iz kewl!
hehehe!: Command not found.
nasa ls -ls
256 -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 242452913 Nov 13 1995 missles
nasa rz yolkinfoz
waiting to receive.
nasa missles -fire yolkinfoz
Missile Launcher tm v4.04beta -- Written by: Fatslayer hehe : : :
*** YOU HAVE HAD THIS PROGRAM FOR OVER 30 DAYS : - REGISTER TODAY! : ***
Starting launch sequence now : ...........
Target 1: Creed .. *BEWM!* :
Target 2: Phorce .. *BEWM!* :
Target 3: Big Hurt .. *BEWM!* :
Target 4: Mercuri .. *BEWM!* *BEWM!* *BEWM!* extra missile request : :
Target 6: Ideal .. *BEWM!* :
Target 7: Hooch .. *SQOOSH!* stink bomb : hehe
The Yolk writers have been obliterated. :
Have a nice day : Hehe :
awesome! we have taken over y0lk.
lets write our OWN y0lk file now!
uh, WHY???
oh, FUCK YOU. we WANT to do it!
uh, okay.
so go write a t-file now!
y0lk pico y0lk-100.txt
UW PICOtm 2.5 New Buffer
Xl /
100 / /
y o// l k
c h i c k e n z f o r e v e r ! ! ! !
Yummy 0-day Lickin Kockz and all contents therein ..
1 y0lk ascii
2 y0lk 100 and all contents therein
3 worms are stupid, by: peewee the hacker chicken
4 how to card a nest, by: egghead ernie
5 social engineering pharmers, by: plummy pam
6 the egg-box, by: beaky becky
7 being a goth chicken in the ninetees, by: egg reznor
8 how to avoid pigs, by: kentucky fried fred
9 poultry sucks, by: grainbreaker
worms are stupid
by: peewee the hacker chicken
fuckin worms - do i ever hate them! the other day, i saw that worm
told him, hey worm, im a hacker chicken, so you gotta lemme eat you but
the motherfucker doesnt even answer acts dead. but since im clever, i
ate it anyway. *YUCK* it was dead for real!!@!@ those damn worms cant
just look dead or alive or something, they always confuse the hell outta me.
fuck those worms, i say.
how to card a nest
by: egghead ernie
a lot of chickens ask me how do i card a nest??? say ernie, i
will pay you ten eggs for a my very own carded nest!!!, i gladly take
their eggs, for they are stupid, stupid chickens.
i know that the whole nest-carding scene is going to totally flame me
for this, but now with my help - YOU can card your OWN nests, free!
carding a nest is very easy. all you need to do is to sneak into
your pharmers house in the middle of the night or in the day, look into
his wallet. take his VISA or MASTERCARD number, name, expiration
date, flutter over to the nearest payphone.
i suggest calling 1-800-DIGI-EGG for the fastest most reliable nest
service. they dont put any of that spit or moldy twigs or anything you
find in those low grade nests.
you - *beep*beep*beep*beep* redboxing!
operator - can i help you?
you - yes, i would like to order your premium nest model, please.
operator - ok, please give me your information. that will be four
bucks.
you - pharmer phil. 9443-3245-2534-3413. expires 12/96.
operator - ok, your nest is on its way!!!!
you - thanks!
see how calm relaxed i was the entire time? this is the additude
you *must* have when carding your own nests. oh, remember - youre a
chicken so you cant get caught! ha ha!
social engineering pharmers
by: plummy pam
you cant do it. pharmers fucking suck. fuck you, pharmer.
sometimes if you peck them in the foot *just* at the right moment,
while they are feeding you, you can get them to accidently spill *extra*
food for you! awesome!
the egg-box
by: beaky becky
the egg box is very simple.
- egg.
happy hacking!
being a goth chicken in the ninetees
by: egg reznor
lady death is my friend. my feathers are black. my beak is pierced.
being a chicken in the ninetees sucks. life will lead you to death.
seriously, whats a chicken can hope? we just get fed, fed, fed notice the
word here? fed until we get to the slaughterhouse die.
MY BLOOD WILL SOIL THEIR SLAUGHTERING MACHINES!@!! THEY WILL NOT
GET AWAY WITH ME!
I WILL KILL MYSELF BEFORE THEY KNOW ABOUT IT!! IM GONNA JUMP OFF
THE BARN WHEN THEY ARENT LOOKING!!!! DAMN CORPORATE HUMANS!!!@!
dont get me wrong. im a real goth. i KNOW life. i KNOW death.
i know everything. i pick by night. i sleep all day. i am a night owl -
er, bad pun.
anyhow, tonight theres a concert of nine inch eggs roosters of
mercy. its eggothapalooza. so, uh, fear.
LADY DEATH!@! I LOVE YOU!@*
how to avoid pigs
by: kentucky phried phred
da other day i wuz owt beige-boxin offa da pharmerz phonez, when
diz muthafuckin pig wuz phuckin gettin in ma phuckin face. he wuz real
big n phat, yo.
so i wuz lyke, yo! phuck off, phaggot.
dat dumazz pig juzt lookit me in da phaze n i sed yo, im audi5000,
muthafucka.
so i sez to you - do yer phuckin phreakin when doze phuckin pigz
our out at dunkin slop stuffin dare phuckin phazes.
poultry sucks
by: grainbreaker
i think poultry suqzors bekuz de peepul in it are rilly dum. like
the other day dat kid zeroegg just p0pz out of nowhere an tellz me i got no
skillz. i say its not troo im better than him, he sucks so i just kix0r
him outta the channel but then the bot pharmer kicks me an now i am on the
permaban. fuck u poultry!!!
but anyway i donna care because poultry SUCKS0RZ. dat kid EGgardian
alwayz talks shit like hez a h0mo or he wants to buttfuxor peepul an this
is rilly annoyin. dat negroz gotta git a life,.
oh well, im outta here, pe4ce out to my homiez.
c copyright 1996 yummy 0-day lickin kockz - all rights reserved.
File Saved.
y0lk
NO CARRIER
du0d what happened?!?@!!
this sucks do0d
cluck!!@ cluck!@
k-kLUQ!@!@
WHO THE HELL SHuT ThIS fUCKIN TH1NG D0WN?!@@!
awkward silence
noises are heard from outside the barn
du0d i hear noises from outside the barn.
kluq!!!!!!@
shUT UP U dUM cHIQUN!@@ weRE tRYING tO FIGUre wHOZZ outSIDE!@!
yEAH SHUT Up!@!@@
SHUT UP!@!@!@!@@!!@
op me someone ..
sume-1 bkick him!!
dcc me sATEN
stop flo0dING, lAYMUR!
dOOD dATZ fUCT UP d00oOUODZ!@!
oP mUH d0OoDZ!!@@!@!
KLUCK!@@!@! kLuCK!@!@!@*77
4NY-1 W4NTS N3TS3X0R???!!@?!??!@? 3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3HH3 : : :
WINK SNICKER : SNICKER EVIL GRIN :
61/3 //3 +3//5H13 S30/!!!!!!!@!@!@@!
.. hi!
everyone: hi trixie!!!!!!!!@!@ snicker wink : :
various noises from outside, goddammit!@@!
uh, do0dz theres actually some people outside.
oh shit chicken, shit shit dat kid shows up man, maybe thats the
feds do0d, chicken that sucks.
word.
someone knocks at the door
dood we gotta answer.
uh, wHo iZ dAt??!@@@!@
d00d iNVITE mE!@ tHIS iS mASTUR bBQ!!!!
oh dood that was master bbs
haha u sed bbs
serveral hours later, the barn blew up, killing all its occupiants.
what happened? who was involved?
does master bbq have anything to do with this story? well, not
really.
so what the fuck is going on?!@?!@?@!
lets meet telecom legends mogel eerie as they walk in the
beautiful plains of arkansas, a few hours before the explosion.
mogel: dood look, a barn!@
eerie: wow man, phear. lets hack it!@@!
mogel: dood how do you haq a barn?!@@!
eerie: man, i think if i remember my t-files correctly phrack 2,
article 7 - kArDiNg b0MbS, grayareas 5 - THE SECRET OF
EXPLOSiVES, of course hootie 56 - phun with barns we
gotta find some explosive matter.
mogel: yeah dood, but letz not forget about what we learned in
other t-files ibft 24 - you suck a really really really
lot very much with cherries on top, dto 9 - a
multi-cultural spectrum of anger, cdc 37 - fuck the
world go get a life.
eerie: umm .. man, youre not really helping the cause of this
story at all - which is already rather pathetic.
mogel: dood i know, but i felt like namechecking old school zines.
eerie: you silly mogboy. there, lets hack this barn.
mogel: ok!!!!@
BEWM!@@!@!!@!@@*@!@
eerie: ok, now, the story would normally finish here, but the thing
is, if you remember, the y0lk writers are technically dead,
as well as their whole family.
mogel: but since we are such swell guys, full of love, compassion,
respect towards the zine scene, we will help reviving them
using gnu skewl c0d3z that only us have the skills the
knowledge of.
eerie: so here are we, looking back at past text files for some
more namechecking action.
mogel: wicca monthly 6 - w4k3 uP pEEPUL pHROM tHE D3Ad,
Underground Voodoo Times uVt 43 - HOW TO PHREAK CORPSES,
w0ol 1 - no thats quite alright .. what do they all have
in common?!
eerie: ganja 257 - how to smoke crack with a butt plug
playing a recording of laughter
mogel: that was funny! hee hee! good one!
eerie: thanks, man.
mogel: eerie, dood - i think what this t-file really needs a cameo
appearance from rattle, dood.
eerie: man sure, man man.
rattle: i dont know why the fuck i am writing for something as lame
as y0lk, but moggie wouldnt stop pestering me for an
article.. so here i am.. i dont really have any writing
skills, but wtf.. first off the bbs scene around here just
plain sucks.. and second off there arent any really good
isps in tennessee with fast connections that will let my
rattlecam tm/r/c/us pat: 4,342,231 work fast enough for
people all over the world to watch me act like a drunk jackass
on irc.. CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT?!?@ and another thing, what
the hell is with all of the /away people in zines??!@ if i
wanted to talk to people with no substance than id join
13.. and another thing, ..
mogel: im sorry nick - but we need to keep this file under 500k ..
eerie: directly from philadelphia, its scraaaambled-out!@
mogel: yes, ladies, gentlemen, y0lkies - scrambled out, the one
only show that everyone watches because our hostess is a
chick, lets welcome the new editor of HoE, metalchic!!@
metalchic: hI!!
eerie: well metalchic, whats going on?
metalchic: hehehe maby okey im host for thi sshow thats pretty kewl
mogel: so metalchic, lets introduce the guests!@!
metalchic: well 3 guyz who are gonna try to seduce the guest!!!
eerie: but introduce us, metalchic!!@!@!@ we like 0-day guests!@!@
metalchic: ok, lets introduce them!!!!!!!! guest 1 lives in washington
state is a zines regular but nobody know him: jestapher!!!!
mogel: wow, jestapher?
eerie: yeah like, who would have thought that jestapher could be in
this file?!@!@ shock value!!!!@
jestapher: i have trust in myself, because i love chix hehe : :
metalchic: guest 2 is from swampy delaware hehehe he is otherwise known
as joltcolas little brother: nybar
eerie: hey nybar, dcc me poupey!! hehehe!!!! get it?!@/!@ : :
mogel: what are you trying to do eerie-kun-of-the-sun?
eerie: didnt you see my intense wit into imitating the behaviour of
an irc addict?
mogel: that was truly witty.
nybar: I told my mom about tha Time i PoOped My PaNTS and shE got
Rilly Mad
mogel: oh my god ..
nybar: Rilly Rilly Rilly MADD!!!!!!!@@!!@!!!!!!!!!!!
eerie: argh@!! make it stop!@!
joltcola: my brother actually said that out loud in the last 30 seconds.
nybar: Dood jC thinx aOl iz d4 h1t
metalchic: guestt 3 is from philadelphia he ran thousand of zines such
as rice, pez and hoe i think!!??@ like okey, this is black
francis
bF: shut up. what am i doing in this fuckin corporate animal
testing show?
eerie: this is the show of love!@
bf: love is for art fags.
mogel: youre getting paid good money!@
bF: yeah yeah. so anyhwo, move the show on, bitch.
metalchic: hehehe Justin that was funny hehe :P okey now my first
question is if i was a candy bar, what kind would i be??
heheheeh :
jestapher: well uh .. hehe that would be a tasty candy bar so itd be
kewler if it was tushie flavoer hehehe
crowd: drama
jestapher: hehe j/k
nybar: oH hEnRY chocolates are kewler because they loOk Like POOP!!@
crowd: laughter
bF: fuck you.
crowd: applause
metalchic: hehehe and the winner is bF!!!@@1 hhehe justin the prize is
that you win ME!@!
show interrupted
CYBER NEWS NETWORK
@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
N E W S F L A S H D U 0 D ! @ !
mogel: we are sorry to interrupt this program for a special news
report from the rocky shore of lubbock, texas. heres eerie,
live on the scene!@!@@!
eerie: man this sucks!@ here is eerie on the scene of a zine war
in lubbock texas riot noises have been reported but no one
noises really say anything about riot then you add one
cup of flour, you noise
Swamp Ratte: The medium is NOT the message. The message is the message,
and the medium is insignificant when it can be taken for
granted. Thats what we want.
crowd: oooooooh!
crank: well, uh, jamesy made a typo error and he retaliated with
lyrics from tori amos!@
crowd: silence, grumbles
Emmanuel: This kind of power is unprecedented in the hands of solitary
citizens. Its precisely because of the hacker mentality
responsible for creating this medium that the authorities are
in such a panic.
eerie: its really nutty out here, mogel!!! bring your extra
raincoat : hehe
crowd: laughter
mogel: thats cool cause i dont have a flippin clue what youre
talking about, frenchie! hahahahaha!
eerie: hahaha! awesome!!@ anyhow, here is pixy presenting a *LiVe*
interview with the last writing talent of gweeds - IN A
BOTTLE!
pixy: Yer all dumb.
gweeds talent: ...
mogel: hahahaha! thats a great gag, my combos-addicted chum!
eerie: no problemo, senior moggums a la ramen!
mogel: wait! the official 1996 zine awards are beginning, right
after this commercial break! lets stay tuned!!!
Hello, this is Nybar here with a commercial for..
Y0lk -- The egg sucker!
Gentleman.. the future is here! y0lk has released the
incredible EGG sucker!
It can :
1. Teach your grandma ta suck eggs
2. Teach your grandpa ta suck eggs!
3. Suck eggs!
its THREE.. THREE.. count em THREE things in one! Now.. no more
annoying egg drip off.. getting on your pants!! Lets see what JoltCola had
to say about the y0lk egg sucker:
Me: So jolt.. had any traumatizing experiences with egg drip?
jC: What? What?!?@?@!?
Me: How has the y0lk egg sucker.. changed your life?
jC: What the hell are you talking about?
Me: Were there any egg drips on your butt?!?@?
JC: Teehee.. you said Butt
Me: Answer yes or no!
jC: Yes or no!!
Me: Just shut the fuck up@!@
jC: Um.. Ill teach yer grandma ta suck eggs?
Me: With the y0lk egg sucker! yeah!
So.. if the y0lk egg sucker was good enough for a k-rad zine
dood.. its good enough for you! Kall 1-800-Yum-Y0lk today.
no cod fish accepted
eerie: allo, america! directly from the uXudome in sweden - the
third annual SCENE AWARDS!
- --- sCeNe --- -
96
CHeEEeEEEEEEEEeEeEEEeEEEeEEEeEEEeEEEeEEEERRRR!*!*!!!!!
mogel: well, our first presenter is straight from hack - everyone
give a vivacious cheer to Y-WiNDoZE winterrose!
y: Well thanks, fucklover.
wr: i was over ffejs house the other day hehehe after i was over
syntax errors house hehehehe
y: I r00l.
wr: y come over :?
y: zines are lame. The internet is lame.
wr: u r sillie ..
crowd: laughter
y: This first award is for fags. Its the best ansigeek of the
year or some shit thats the real award name!!!. du0d i
have THEDRAW 6.0 REGISTERED!
wr: our nominees *are*:
y: yawn
wr: lordjazz of various ansi groups this year alone!
ld: Your aLl a bunch of fuCkinG lemmingz
wr: radman of ACiD!!!!!! ACid!!! you know them!!!!
radman: Well, I think everyone here should write for The Product 2!
wr: from even more groups than lord jazz - nootropic!
nootie: groups arent important - I AM.
y: Fags.
wr: the winner is .. bisounours!
crowd: WHO?!!?!
biz: i think mogel stuffed the ballat hehe :
mogel: i luv yew, bizzy!!
awkward pause
eerie: well, uh .. our next award is being presented by quite an
unlikely duo! oh, mogel - what crazy characters we are!!
mogel: yes! we are clever!
eerie: introducing .. TGuardian from ansi Gaurdian from zines!
TGuardian: eYEM naWt gay bUt my b0yfRIend iZ. i also like to fuck dogs.
Gaurd: Hahahaha : Youre very silly, TG.
TGuardian: this award is the most annoying hacker in irc and the guy
who surfz the www with a powerSUN thats the real award
name!!!! aND dEY wILL wIN tEWSH1E sEX0R wIFF mE!!@ hEY gAURd
yEW sPELLeD YeR nAMe wR0NG!@
Gaurd: Hahaha : What humor! So, the nominees are ..
TGuardian: fIRST nOMINEE fOR bUTtraPe is .. rEDR4G0N!@!@
ReDragon: what the hell am i doing here?!@ im a nice guy!
Gaurd: Second nominee is : tersIan.
tersIan: cunt.
TGuardian: aND the 3rD of dOZe fAGZ iS: U4Ea!!@!!!@
U4EA: i own you.
Gaurd: Even me? : And now, the winner is ..
TGuardian: erikb oF pHRACK eLECTROSEXYMAGAZIine
erikb: haha, i hacked the ballot, now you see i am a real hacker!@!@
eerie: my, mogel, erikb definitely has angst. he should write for
beep.
mogel: haha, eerie, you just said a word that was not underground!
curse!@ curse!@
eerie: haha, i do it for shock value of course! i will do it
again. beep beep beep .. or do you prefer .. rice rice
rice .. oops, this one stays uncensored!@
mogel: thats THE MAN threatening us down!@!!@@
eerie: now on for a performance from the fertilizers.
i am filled with angst
i wanna kill the world
i dont eat meat for meat is murder
i am so, so, so ..
agent passes
agent: those kids are pretty good. hey, you, would you like to sign
a contract with us? im from caroline records i like your
sound.
mogel: there, another of those jokes only murmur will get.
eerie: thats why its funny, mogel!@@!
mogel: YES I SEE!@@! HAHAHAHA!@!!@
mogel: so here we are, ready for the zines personality of the year.
a very praised trophy from the whole zines community. the
presenters are maestro, currently in no group ?@!!@?!@
TClaw, directly from warez!@
maestro: well, this will be a very strange presentation.
TClaw: who are you?@!??@
maestro: i am an ansi legend.
TClaw: ansi??@!?@
maestro: well, its bizarre to find myself talking to a warez kid.
TClaw: Sorry, gotta go! fatefiles is calling.
TClaw runs out of the studio to his computers.
valgamon: what the hell is wrong with you guys????????????
maestro: well, i guess ill have to do that alone .. the first nominee
for zines personality of the year the guy with too much
peanut butter thats the real award name!!! is .. edicius
of jonas e-zine!
edi: well, this special issue keeps getting bigger and bigger and
it still seems to keep going forever!
maestro: the second nominee is .. jamesy!
jamesy: jew. *hUggiEz*
maestro: the third nominee is .. mercuri!!@
mercuri cannot be found
orestes: um .. this is bizarre. mercuri is always around.
eerie: this is, *cough* really bizarre indeed, isnt it mogel.
mogel: truly *cough* bizarre, but then again, we might know more at
the end of this file!
eerie: what a suspense-keeper you are, mogel?
styx: what the hell is this - mog threes?
mogel: that was pretty obscure, styx. lemme explain this last joke.
mog threes sounds a *little bit* like the popular angsty
comic book milk cheese - this is funny my toast fried
french friend!@!@
eerie: quiet, mogel!! you are spoiling the joke for the more
quick-witted readers!
mogel: doh!
maestro: and the winner is .. y0lkb0t!@
y0lkb0t: thank you, mogel! thank you, eerie! im very excited to get
this award. since i had ops, i set the channel mode to +m
no one could vote but me! i won!
mogel: you know its bad when we start using irc-command jokes.
eerie: well put, baron von moggelic the fourth!
ok. this is eerie here. me mogel really over-killed it this time.
theres no going back now. weve gone too far.
the y0lk writers are all dead. damn. how in hell are we gonna save
them!??
eerie: yeah like, *how*?
mogel: i dunno.
look at me, i just typed myself doing something responding to what
i just said. maybe its time for something really clever ..
cause i mean, you know, zines ..
i mean they come, they go all. ive seen many a story written
where the characters would just blow up at the end because the writer had no
clue how to end it all.
y0lk writers are dead? hah hah.
get real. this is only a zine795utjwtkgjtwerjtseg
asdfk
dsfsdlg dfhkdfhk
sfjsdgksfhsrg kltdkg
goddamit, eerie, you just always find a way to ruin these files with
that leap into reality. dont you know anything about chaos?!?!!?
skdfjsdf
asfdldfk fuck you ..gskfa ok, maybe its time for a real file for y0lk 100.
----- y0lk 100!@ ----------------------------------------------------------
grannie smith apple or whatever random title i can find by : eerie
yo, so here am i, today, writing my first y0lk file. let me introduce
myself. my name is eerie i am a professional slacker. all i do all day is
sit at the computer fight for mental sanity. yes, i do that. i have
lotsa angst. the angst is the key.
------------------------------------- i lub dem silly dividers hehe : -----
oh, man. that was horrible, 33.
*heres* how y0lk 100 SHOULD be ..
/ / // 11111 111111 111111
/ / / / 1111111 111 111 111 111
/ / / 11111 1111 1111 1111 1111
/ / o o 11111 1111 1111 1111 1111
O 11111 1111 1111 1111 1111
/ 11111 111 111 111 111
11111 111111 111111
WeRE nOt GuNnA tAKe iT!@*
by - Pip The Angry Youth
Hello! This is Pip The Angry Youth! Ok, byebye!
here is the index, for, we hope, the last time in this format.
thats a little more than 100 lines now, i mean, its bigger than most y0lk
files themselves!@@!
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
50 the best of the worst creed
51 the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave trip
52 ode to my feet creed
53 hopelessly lost poots
54 the schoolhouse r0x! phorce
55 campbells chicken-noodle soup omen of death creed
56 dead cats juke
57 my inner taco handle
58 my place, or yours? mercuri
59 how to really use that spiffy monopoly money lumpy
60 struggle wif the giant pink elephant lucifer
61 why did the chicken cross the road? insane
62 y0lk test pattern mutter
63 ELiTE LiT from the master himself creed
64 creeds k-rad lit archives, volume two creed
65 UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME. creed
66 how y0lk saved my life sorta creed
67 shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles ideal
68 some puppet plays phorce
69 ... Hello operator ... mutter
70 i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. traq
71 battle of the ants rage
72 fun on the phone ideal
73 yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries.. handle
74 i love you as my own mother sphrog
75 jamesy and the giant slinky jamesy
76 do not fuck with the big and hairy bears murmur
77 horror story oeb
78 dat wh0re s.sheep
79 the ewok rant taraxis
80 the arcade avenger tao
81 the night before 2600 d.cheez
82 journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist taraxis
83 a generic y0lk file mogel
84 cultural inclination? m.head
85 australia through the eyes of a spoon spoony
86 the life of a demented sysop spoony
87 little johnny carpenter franman
88 phan male ideal
89 bighurt is back! bighurt
90 the discovery channel sphrog
91 fruitopia caps!@ bighurt
92 the story of carla trip
93 a joltcola y0lk joltcola
94 spinsanes story spinsane
95 fish pillows, mothers, and limericks sphrog
96 cOsmic revelations, fever induced flashbacks, and pedOph... spinsane
97 stinky cheese and the seven messy petes joltcola
98 what ive seen of y0lk really sucks kojak
99 the badness steps out and takes a solo y0lk
100 the beginning of the end peewee
TT
--infoez-------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether
you like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board,
et cetera.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge.
clarification: mindcrime may actually be a y0lk member. no one
knows.
heil creed. HEIL! HEIL!
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp.openix.com/ftp/phorce/y0lk
or .. call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or* .. look for y0lkb0t on irc, efnet. type @y0lk number for
y0lks.
OR .. ATTENTION y0lkies! join the y0lk mailing list! chat about
y0lk and all them other zines, too! email listserv@magsystems.com with the
line subscribe y0lk in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ
the NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isnt that special? join y0lknet too. thank
phorce. if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read
alt.zines.y0lk!@
OR OR OR!@ the *official* y0lk html is at www.openix.com/phorce/y0lk/
OR! coming soon! micro pirate radio! a y0lk hour-of-fun ON
THE AIR! sorry, available only for those in the northern new jersey area.
dont you feel like youre getting a little too much information
here? couldnt we just show our ftp site and shut up? its just sad that
we have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
log in to add a comment.