y0lk! said the norwiegen with no life
:PHAN MALE
Hi ideal!
Wow, Im bored. So bored that i decided to write another y0lk issue.
Let me tell you a little about my weekend. Ive been sitting at home all
weekend sick as hell. Snifflin and Sneezin with snot hangin outta my nose,
Ive been talking on IRC and some local boards almost non-stop. Im such a
loser.
I said HI IDEAL!
Oh, hi divider! how are you today?
not too bad, yourself?
Ugh, im talking to the divider! whats my problem?? I must be sicker than
I thought. So, divider, whats next on the agenda?
PHAN MALE!
oh yeah! Ok faithful y0lkers, sit back and enjoy the fan mail i have
recieved.
Letter 1
Dear y0lk,
Hi, my name is Fred Palmencheri and I have to admit that i am a y0lk addict.
The other day, my boss came into my office and saw me reading y0lk and he
asked me Is that y0lk???! When he found out that it was, he gave me a
promotion and a brand new office on the top floor. Y0lk made me a very happy
man. I guess my boss must like y0lk too.
P.S. That guy ideal is amazing. He is one of the main resons that i read
y0lk.
sincerely,
Fred Palmencheri
Fred,
Were all very happy that you like y0lk so much. Chances are your boss
doesnt really like y0lk. Its probably just the fact that he doesnt
understand y0lk. And people especially employers fear what they dont
understand. Your boss took one look at y0lk and noticed that you were
reading something way beyond his comprehension level. That caused him to
fear you. So remember, if we stop publishing y0lk, your out of a job! So
we expect you to send half of every paycheck to ideals PO box in order to
keep us alive.
y0lk
Letter 2
y0lk,
Im not sure if you are aware of the immense strength of your zine. The
other day i was walking through an alley on my way home from the annual
Spam-a-thon when this man came up to me and tried to mug me. He shot at me
with his gun but luckily, i had my latest copy of y0lk in my breast pocket.
y0lk stopped the bullet and allowed me to run home safely. Unfortunately
my copy of y0lk now has a huge bullet hole through it.
Thanks y0lk,
Jasmine Blue
Jasmine,
I cannot believe the nerve you have. You put y0lk before your life???
You dont understand the emotional strain you have put on every y0lk writer
down here at y0lk central. If you ever blasphemy again like that we will be
forced to put raw spinach down your pants and continuously throw burrs at in
your hair. You should be dead!
y0lk
Letter 3
Mo Fos,
Yo, dis is Tyrone. I jus wunted you to know how much I hate you! Im out
twenty dollers jus cuz of you. Yer salesman lied to me and hes gonna pay
watch yer back, cuz i aint trippin.
Tyrone
this letter triggered my curiosity. So i gave our friend Tyrone a call on
the phone and here is the shake-down of what happened to him. He and his
friend Harvey Chan were sitting around one day and this following play is an
account of what happened.
Tyrone: Yo nigguh, Lets go to the stoe!
Harvey Chan: Ahso!
Tyrone: What da fuck you call me rice boy? Yo fo bettah not trip me daz
jive no mo or ill bust a cap in your triz-azz!
Harvey C.: Oh no! no disrespect to you T-Bone san. I finish waxing flore
and we go to the stove!
Tyrone: The stoe! not da stove! Damn! whazzup wit yer squinty eye ass
anyway? You be trippin or what? And what the fuck you doin
waxin the floe? Allz we does here is sit and play dize foo! Now
git yer ass up off that floe befoe i whoop yer funky lil chinese
ass!
Harvey C.: Oh, Ahso! Ai-ya! so sorry Mr. T-Bone san! now we go to the
stove?
Tyrone: The stoe nigguh! The stoe, not some mutha fuckin stove! Iz swear,
you aint nevah funna be down wits da dog pound if you dont
start lernin sumptin! Now grab yer glock G, wez gonna go on a
Ghetto Grocery spree!
Harvey C.: They have soy sauce and Chung Lai Fu in the getto stove? I need
for my wok!
Tyrone: Yeah, of courz wez gonna walk! now get yer slany-ass over here so
i can teach you bout the glock!
Harvey hurries over and pulls a pocket watch out of his over-sized, gangster
coat
Tyrone: What the fuck is that negro? Who cares what time it is?
Harvey C.: Oh, this is my clock. You say get clock, so i get clock! You no
think this good clock?
Tyrone: Man! Put that shit away! I said your...forgit it, lets jus go man.
They both pull their extra baggy gangsta pants halfway down ther ass and
start to walk with style down to the store. When they get there, a goofy
looking, scrawny, smelly kid in torn jeans and a dirty T-shirt is standing
outside. On his head, he is wearing a hat that says ask me about y0lk
Harvey C.: Oh, yolk! I need eggs for my stir fry. Thank you most
honorable...
y0lk: CHING CHONG FUN! CHOO HAI!
Harvey C.: You no funny yolk man! I talk speak good english talk!
Tyrone: Yo homes, whats y0lk? Dat some kinda chronic? Dat would be tha
shit.
y0lk: Uh... yeah, its da shit! *hehe*
Tyrone: Fresh! how much for a dimer?
y0lk: Uhm...20!
Tyrone: cool, gimme one man! Heres the dead prezs! Yo, whats yer name?
y0lk: why?
Tyrone: So I can beat yer ass if yer selling me some funky ass shit!
y0lk: Oh, well, in that case, my names g3cko.
Tyrone: Awright foo, gimme da shit
y0lk hands over and issue of y0lk
Tyrone: What is this? you playin?
y0lk: uh, no... the *shit* is in the paper.
Harvey C.: So we roll up paper and smoke? then we get a, what you call...
Fuzz???
y0lk: Uh... sure, if you want. well, see ya.
y0lk boy runs off with his 20
Dear Tyrone,
I am truly sorry for our friends ignorance. We here at y0lk do not know who
it is that sold you the y0lk. But we see now that it was a rip off. If you
could just send in the additional 20 to ideals PO box, everything will be ok.
y0lk
Imagine that, one of our own, selling y0lk for a mere 20. If we ever find
out who pulled this stunt, we will tar and feather him. Remember y0lk staff,
if you peddle y0lk, 40 is the lowest we will go.
end it please
woah! havent seen you in a while divider!
well, im still sniffling but i think i have successfully channeled all of my
stupidity through another great y0lk issue. bye.
ideals e-mail address is kevin@mixcom.com
samurainotes
sometimes i worry about myself getting to power-crazy up here in these ivory
towers of the y0lk building. but i usually quench these worries by writing
a few meaningless notes in other peoples work.
index
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
50 the best of the worst creed
51 the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave trip
52 ode to my feet creed
53 hopelessly lost poots
54 the schoolhouse r0x! phorce
55 campbells chicken-noodle soup omen of death creed
56 dead cats juke
57 my inner taco handle
58 my place, or yours? mercuri
59 how to really use that spiffy monopoly money lumpy
60 struggle wif the giant pink elephant lucifer
61 why did the chicken cross the road? insane
62 y0lk test pattern mutter
63 ELiTE LiT from the master himself creed
64 creeds k-rad lit archives, volume two creed
65 UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME. creed
66 how y0lk saved my life sorta creed
67 shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles ideal
68 some puppet plays phorce
69 ... Hello operator ... mutter
70 i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. traq
71 battle of the ants rage
72 fun on the phone ideal
73 yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries.. handle
74 i love you as my own mother sphrog
75 jamesy and the giant slinky jamesy
76 do not fuck with the big and hairy bears murmur
77 horror story oeb
78 dat wh0re s.sheep
79 the ewok rant taraxis
80 the arcade avenger tao
81 the night before 2600 d.cheez
82 journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist taraxis
83 a generic y0lk file mogel
84 cultural inclination? m.head
85 australia through the eyes of a spoon spoony
86 the life of a demented sysop spoony
87 little johnny carpenter franman
88 phan male ideal
TT
--infoez--------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!
mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge. clarification: mindcrime
may actually be a y0lk member. no one knows.
heil creed. HEIL! HEIL!
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for y0lkb0t on irc, efnet. type @y0lk number for y0lks.
OR... ATTENTION y0lkies! join the y0lk mailing list! chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too! email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
subscribe y0lk in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ the
NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isnt that special? join y0lknet too. thank phorce.
if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read alt.zines.y0lk!@
dont you feel like youre getting a little too much information here?
couldnt we just show our ftp site and shut up? its just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
:PHAN MALE
Hi ideal!
Wow, Im bored. So bored that i decided to write another y0lk issue.
Let me tell you a little about my weekend. Ive been sitting at home all
weekend sick as hell. Snifflin and Sneezin with snot hangin outta my nose,
Ive been talking on IRC and some local boards almost non-stop. Im such a
loser.
I said HI IDEAL!
Oh, hi divider! how are you today?
not too bad, yourself?
Ugh, im talking to the divider! whats my problem?? I must be sicker than
I thought. So, divider, whats next on the agenda?
PHAN MALE!
oh yeah! Ok faithful y0lkers, sit back and enjoy the fan mail i have
recieved.
Letter 1
Dear y0lk,
Hi, my name is Fred Palmencheri and I have to admit that i am a y0lk addict.
The other day, my boss came into my office and saw me reading y0lk and he
asked me Is that y0lk???! When he found out that it was, he gave me a
promotion and a brand new office on the top floor. Y0lk made me a very happy
man. I guess my boss must like y0lk too.
P.S. That guy ideal is amazing. He is one of the main resons that i read
y0lk.
sincerely,
Fred Palmencheri
Fred,
Were all very happy that you like y0lk so much. Chances are your boss
doesnt really like y0lk. Its probably just the fact that he doesnt
understand y0lk. And people especially employers fear what they dont
understand. Your boss took one look at y0lk and noticed that you were
reading something way beyond his comprehension level. That caused him to
fear you. So remember, if we stop publishing y0lk, your out of a job! So
we expect you to send half of every paycheck to ideals PO box in order to
keep us alive.
y0lk
Letter 2
y0lk,
Im not sure if you are aware of the immense strength of your zine. The
other day i was walking through an alley on my way home from the annual
Spam-a-thon when this man came up to me and tried to mug me. He shot at me
with his gun but luckily, i had my latest copy of y0lk in my breast pocket.
y0lk stopped the bullet and allowed me to run home safely. Unfortunately
my copy of y0lk now has a huge bullet hole through it.
Thanks y0lk,
Jasmine Blue
Jasmine,
I cannot believe the nerve you have. You put y0lk before your life???
You dont understand the emotional strain you have put on every y0lk writer
down here at y0lk central. If you ever blasphemy again like that we will be
forced to put raw spinach down your pants and continuously throw burrs at in
your hair. You should be dead!
y0lk
Letter 3
Mo Fos,
Yo, dis is Tyrone. I jus wunted you to know how much I hate you! Im out
twenty dollers jus cuz of you. Yer salesman lied to me and hes gonna pay
watch yer back, cuz i aint trippin.
Tyrone
this letter triggered my curiosity. So i gave our friend Tyrone a call on
the phone and here is the shake-down of what happened to him. He and his
friend Harvey Chan were sitting around one day and this following play is an
account of what happened.
Tyrone: Yo nigguh, Lets go to the stoe!
Harvey Chan: Ahso!
Tyrone: What da fuck you call me rice boy? Yo fo bettah not trip me daz
jive no mo or ill bust a cap in your triz-azz!
Harvey C.: Oh no! no disrespect to you T-Bone san. I finish waxing flore
and we go to the stove!
Tyrone: The stoe! not da stove! Damn! whazzup wit yer squinty eye ass
anyway? You be trippin or what? And what the fuck you doin
waxin the floe? Allz we does here is sit and play dize foo! Now
git yer ass up off that floe befoe i whoop yer funky lil chinese
ass!
Harvey C.: Oh, Ahso! Ai-ya! so sorry Mr. T-Bone san! now we go to the
stove?
Tyrone: The stoe nigguh! The stoe, not some mutha fuckin stove! Iz swear,
you aint nevah funna be down wits da dog pound if you dont
start lernin sumptin! Now grab yer glock G, wez gonna go on a
Ghetto Grocery spree!
Harvey C.: They have soy sauce and Chung Lai Fu in the getto stove? I need
for my wok!
Tyrone: Yeah, of courz wez gonna walk! now get yer slany-ass over here so
i can teach you bout the glock!
Harvey hurries over and pulls a pocket watch out of his over-sized, gangster
coat
Tyrone: What the fuck is that negro? Who cares what time it is?
Harvey C.: Oh, this is my clock. You say get clock, so i get clock! You no
think this good clock?
Tyrone: Man! Put that shit away! I said your...forgit it, lets jus go man.
They both pull their extra baggy gangsta pants halfway down ther ass and
start to walk with style down to the store. When they get there, a goofy
looking, scrawny, smelly kid in torn jeans and a dirty T-shirt is standing
outside. On his head, he is wearing a hat that says ask me about y0lk
Harvey C.: Oh, yolk! I need eggs for my stir fry. Thank you most
honorable...
y0lk: CHING CHONG FUN! CHOO HAI!
Harvey C.: You no funny yolk man! I talk speak good english talk!
Tyrone: Yo homes, whats y0lk? Dat some kinda chronic? Dat would be tha
shit.
y0lk: Uh... yeah, its da shit! *hehe*
Tyrone: Fresh! how much for a dimer?
y0lk: Uhm...20!
Tyrone: cool, gimme one man! Heres the dead prezs! Yo, whats yer name?
y0lk: why?
Tyrone: So I can beat yer ass if yer selling me some funky ass shit!
y0lk: Oh, well, in that case, my names g3cko.
Tyrone: Awright foo, gimme da shit
y0lk hands over and issue of y0lk
Tyrone: What is this? you playin?
y0lk: uh, no... the *shit* is in the paper.
Harvey C.: So we roll up paper and smoke? then we get a, what you call...
Fuzz???
y0lk: Uh... sure, if you want. well, see ya.
y0lk boy runs off with his 20
Dear Tyrone,
I am truly sorry for our friends ignorance. We here at y0lk do not know who
it is that sold you the y0lk. But we see now that it was a rip off. If you
could just send in the additional 20 to ideals PO box, everything will be ok.
y0lk
Imagine that, one of our own, selling y0lk for a mere 20. If we ever find
out who pulled this stunt, we will tar and feather him. Remember y0lk staff,
if you peddle y0lk, 40 is the lowest we will go.
end it please
woah! havent seen you in a while divider!
well, im still sniffling but i think i have successfully channeled all of my
stupidity through another great y0lk issue. bye.
ideals e-mail address is kevin@mixcom.com
samurainotes
sometimes i worry about myself getting to power-crazy up here in these ivory
towers of the y0lk building. but i usually quench these worries by writing
a few meaningless notes in other peoples work.
index
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
50 the best of the worst creed
51 the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave trip
52 ode to my feet creed
53 hopelessly lost poots
54 the schoolhouse r0x! phorce
55 campbells chicken-noodle soup omen of death creed
56 dead cats juke
57 my inner taco handle
58 my place, or yours? mercuri
59 how to really use that spiffy monopoly money lumpy
60 struggle wif the giant pink elephant lucifer
61 why did the chicken cross the road? insane
62 y0lk test pattern mutter
63 ELiTE LiT from the master himself creed
64 creeds k-rad lit archives, volume two creed
65 UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME. creed
66 how y0lk saved my life sorta creed
67 shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles ideal
68 some puppet plays phorce
69 ... Hello operator ... mutter
70 i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. traq
71 battle of the ants rage
72 fun on the phone ideal
73 yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries.. handle
74 i love you as my own mother sphrog
75 jamesy and the giant slinky jamesy
76 do not fuck with the big and hairy bears murmur
77 horror story oeb
78 dat wh0re s.sheep
79 the ewok rant taraxis
80 the arcade avenger tao
81 the night before 2600 d.cheez
82 journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist taraxis
83 a generic y0lk file mogel
84 cultural inclination? m.head
85 australia through the eyes of a spoon spoony
86 the life of a demented sysop spoony
87 little johnny carpenter franman
88 phan male ideal
TT
--infoez--------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!
mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge. clarification: mindcrime
may actually be a y0lk member. no one knows.
heil creed. HEIL! HEIL!
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for y0lkb0t on irc, efnet. type @y0lk number for y0lks.
OR... ATTENTION y0lkies! join the y0lk mailing list! chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too! email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
subscribe y0lk in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ the
NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isnt that special? join y0lknet too. thank phorce.
if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read alt.zines.y0lk!@
dont you feel like youre getting a little too much information here?
couldnt we just show our ftp site and shut up? its just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
log in to add a comment.