--y0lk-----------------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk 53: hopelessly lost
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and hes hopelessly lost. Its
been nearly three weeks since hes eaten anything besides what he
could forage and hes been reduced to sleeping in caves and under
trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines
covering most of it and the man cant see any other buildings in the
area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying
someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down
to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says What do you
want?
The man says Ive been lost for the past three weeks and havent had
a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I
could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight.
The old Chinese man says Ill let you come in on one condition: You
cannot mess around with my granddaughter.
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying I promise I
wont cause you any trouble. Ill be on my way tomorrow morning.
The old Chinese man counters OK, but if I do catch you then Ill give
you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to man.
OK, OK the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he
thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the
wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat after showering, he
saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl,
and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many many
months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the
occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldnt
keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girls bedroom and they had quite a
time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to
his room later that night thinking to himself, Any three torture
tests would be worth it after that experience.
Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest.
He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the
rock was a sign saying 1st Chinese torture test: 100lb. rock on your
chest.
What a lame torture test the man thought to himself as he got up and
walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock
out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying 2nd worst
Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right testicle.
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed,
jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third
sign saying 3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to
bedpost.
--y0lk-----------------------------------------------------------------------
thanks to poots dumas@intac.com for a great issue. in y0lk news,
uhm, i made a pretty terrible mistake in y0lk 51. in all my haste and
tiredness, i wrote in the index that the issue was by me, creed. well, i
didnt write it. trip did... and it was a great story. so, if you have it on
your board or anything, update that if you can. sorry for the inconvenience,
and sorry, trip, for the stupid mistake.
--index----------------------------------------------------------------------
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
50 the best of the worst creed
51 the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave trip
52 ode to my feet creed
53 hopelessly lost poots
TT
--infoez---------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz hes just so damn wacky-ass.
email creed@nexxus.novasys.com to contact me. yep.
y0lk 53: hopelessly lost
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and hes hopelessly lost. Its
been nearly three weeks since hes eaten anything besides what he
could forage and hes been reduced to sleeping in caves and under
trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines
covering most of it and the man cant see any other buildings in the
area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying
someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down
to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says What do you
want?
The man says Ive been lost for the past three weeks and havent had
a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I
could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight.
The old Chinese man says Ill let you come in on one condition: You
cannot mess around with my granddaughter.
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying I promise I
wont cause you any trouble. Ill be on my way tomorrow morning.
The old Chinese man counters OK, but if I do catch you then Ill give
you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to man.
OK, OK the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he
thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the
wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat after showering, he
saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl,
and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many many
months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the
occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldnt
keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girls bedroom and they had quite a
time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to
his room later that night thinking to himself, Any three torture
tests would be worth it after that experience.
Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest.
He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the
rock was a sign saying 1st Chinese torture test: 100lb. rock on your
chest.
What a lame torture test the man thought to himself as he got up and
walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock
out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying 2nd worst
Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right testicle.
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed,
jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third
sign saying 3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to
bedpost.
--y0lk-----------------------------------------------------------------------
thanks to poots dumas@intac.com for a great issue. in y0lk news,
uhm, i made a pretty terrible mistake in y0lk 51. in all my haste and
tiredness, i wrote in the index that the issue was by me, creed. well, i
didnt write it. trip did... and it was a great story. so, if you have it on
your board or anything, update that if you can. sorry for the inconvenience,
and sorry, trip, for the stupid mistake.
--index----------------------------------------------------------------------
.db.
title author
01 the other white meat creed
02 several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin creed
03 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. creed
04 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin creed
05 household uses for afghanistanian food creed
06 pour cement down my anus hooch
07 hail santa! creed
08 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? hooch
09 lunchables rock. creed
10 t-shirts and toejam bedlam
11 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview hooch
12 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta hooch
13 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ hooch
14 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink phorce
15 bedazzled by the eliteness creed
16 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina creed
17 i am a warez pup - who are you? hooch
18 lemmings phorce
19 the science of astrology belial
20 the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene cd/h0
21 dUcK 54uc3?!!? phorce
22 top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself creed
23 citrus fruits for sale phorce
24 group masturbation belial
25 ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs creed
26 catering for the warez eleet phorce
27 brief mental pause belial
28 the army day camp belial
29 the geek theory, hickies, and another long day creed
30 nets, zines, and that chick from wings hooch
31 mentos! the freedom giver! mercuri
32 ramblings of a poseur bedlam
33 sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan creed
34 fuck you - a note to all yall on zines hooch
35 apples, oranges, and pears phorce
36 the little cultist that couldnt creed
37 careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate creed
38 snowday phorce
39 creed is g0d creed
40 big hurt is ruler of the earth bighurt
41 dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue bighurt
42 bbs softwares/internet hooch
43 abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! creed
44 mogels own very special personalized 1 y0lk issue phorce
45 your burro is no jackass! creed
46 rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars creed
47 outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers creed
48 Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off creed
49 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life creed
50 the best of the worst creed
51 the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave trip
52 ode to my feet creed
53 hopelessly lost poots
TT
--infoez---------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz hes just so damn wacky-ass.
email creed@nexxus.novasys.com to contact me. yep.
log in to add a comment.