--boo------------------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk: the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene
--eek------------------------------------------------------------------------
hmm... were you expecting a more dazzling header? a star-spangled
entrance to our 20th issue special? i sure was. well, fuck that. thats not
y0lk. and you wanna know why? cuz i didnt feel like doing it. hah. dont
fuck with me, boyo, ill tear you apart.
--pHR cRD--------------------------------------------------------------------
yep, yep. no extravaganza. hooch is going to hate me for it, but i
decided to just go on and tank through the y0lk issues. let me tell you a
little story.
--oh boyee!------------------------------------------------------------------
well, its not really a story. see, i fooled you. hence, the
anticlimactic motf. some of you, if you have been following y0lk, were
probably expecting a giant 20th issue, co-written by hooch and i. well, that
wasnt happening. i couldnt think of a great enough idea on what to do, and
too much time was passing. y0lk needs to keep its pace, damn you!
so, im just going on and writing this disgustingly normal little issue
for you all. i think everyones better off not having to deal with a boring
super-issue. im relieved.
--im not--------------------------------------------------------------------
fuck you. you dont have to deal with all this y0lk shit. speaking of
which, they said shit on saturday night live this week. i think it slipped
out, but i dont doubt that chick is getting fired. wave goodbye to the first
new cast member to fall, martyred to the FCC.
and on current events, shannon hoon died. i hope you knew that
already. im kinda depressed because he isnt getting any recognition. he was
an incredible artist! but no. people care more about an old burned out hippie
garcia than they do about a 28 year-old blooming artist. poopy on you.
anyway, thats why im a tad disturbed. i havent slept in 3 days.
--shephards note-----------------------------------------------------------
i in no way agree with creed on that one. garcia was a genius, hoon was a
little dirtbag/dork. he odd, retard. never saw jerry do that.
--youre putting me to sleep right now, if that helps------------------------
YEAH, THANKS A LOT, MISTER ASSHOLE SECOND-PERSON DIALOGUE SEPERATOR
LINE PIECE OF SHIT! heh. it seems to me that a lot of people are using that
now, especially contributors to y0lk. did i invent it? id feel very cool if
i invented a zine thing. well, who cares. its a shitty concept anyway. this
is getting boring.
--it always is---------------------------------------------------------------
dry, uncaring, self-conscious, lame humor. i talk like this in public,
too. its weird. i start talking about something and then just fade out into
mumblings of why do i lose so hard? and such. were all sick people. stop
reading this. its just so damn ANTICLIMACTIC. touch!
--nah------------------------------------------------------------------------
you couldnt if you tried. y0lk is addicting. soon youll need more
and more... gradually growing addicted, day by day. soon youll be writing for
y0lk twice a day, just to see more issues.
and while im thinking about it, you CAN get mindless y0lk-like chatter
on a more-than-daily basis. y0lknet is up. read y0lk.net or y0lknet.nfo or
whatever that damn filename is. i suppose y0lknet is like the official net of
the zine scene, now that phearnet is down. at least, i think its down.
--gee golly------------------------------------------------------------------
well, as long as im making this issue longer than usual, maybe youd
like to here about my day.
--hell no--------------------------------------------------------------------
at 6:30am, i heard the alarm ring next to me, loud and clear. i was
still on my laptop, in bed, listening to a bogmen cd. i cursed at myself for
losing track of time, and got out of bed, still in my jeans and all.
i jumped into the shower at about 6:40, uh... showered... and got out.
was that event really worth a whole paragraph?
i got back in bed and shut off my music and laptop. i had nothing much
to do, and i was still wide awake, so i stared at the ceiling for a full half
hour. i even timed myself.
at 7:15, i decided it was time to get ready to leave. i put on my
school clothes, put my backpack together, and left. my aunt drove me to school
this morning, and shes kind of a late person... so i had to sit in a freezing
car for 10 minutes, with the sliding door wide open. i was too cold and too
lazy to close the door.
i got to school at 8:00 and missed morning meeting so i could finish
an assignment that i didnt do the night before. i asked my friend if any
relevant announcements were made. he told me there would be a big assembly
tomorrow, and wed miss periods 1-3.
well, i trudged through 4 full periods of class and made it to lunch.
i took my time eating, because i had two free periods in a row. after everyone
was done with their food, we got up and went to a soundproof room attached to
the band room. we popped a blank tape and started recording for a joke-band we
had started called goat meat. i was the lead singer. we finished 3 short
tracks, mostly about cannibalism and drinking the blood of small children.
about 15 minutes of the tape were done with. that was probably the highlight
of my day. yahoo.
i had a short ancient world class afterwards, where the class talked
about the bible. there was no busywork to do, which was cool, so i just
relaxed for most of the class.
after that, i had drawing. i cut apart a photograph of a priest and
started drawing in the half of it that i had cut out. im sure youve all
done this before ...i drew half of his face as satan. the art teacher is
pretty cool, and he thought it was one of the best drawings he had seen in that
specific class, so he appreciated it. but the other kids kept staring at me.
bah.
i went home on the damn school bus. this dork sat next to me and
started trying to get me to say something self-humiliating. i didnt really
feel like doing so, at least not for him. im going to pin you to the ground
with a kitchen knife set. then im going to stomp on your head until your
skull gives and your face becomes limp. them im going to anally rape your
dead body. then im going to cut your flesh of in little pancakes and toast it
in a pop-up toaster, and eat it. and then i will drink your blood out of a
stone goblet. it was a stupid and morbid joke. but it got him to leave. you
see, thats not even funny. but when you shove it in y0lk with all the other
bland crap, it almost gets you smiling. a n t i c l i m a c t i c .
--SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THAT WORD--------------------------------------------
i really should. anyway. my day. well, thats it. i went home and
sat on my ass and stared at the computer screen. my life is boring. actually
i think the preceding section was a blatant glorification of my sad life.
dont believe a word of it.
ive used a lot of big words in this issue. i hope that doesnt really
disturb you countryfolk. i just gots to show it off. i did graduate the 8th
grade, you know.
ugh. hooch is going to kill me when he finds out i wrote issue 20
without him.
im getting in a bad mood. i just realized the lack of humor in y0lk.
its like the kind of zine where you look at it and nod and think yeah, okay.
...like its no big deal. like an old 80s sitcom where you dont think any of
the jokes are funny. but you know when you were 10 years old, you watched
them fanatically, just for the dull stories and mild humorous entertainment.
only y0lk is worse. we just are. in fact, thats what the title of
the next issue i write is going to be. y0lk: were worse than full house and
were not afraid to admit it. heh. just another crack to prove my point.
that wasnt funny at all.
--sigh-----------------------------------------------------------------------
i think im feeling too bad about myself. hell, its all part of the
y0lk attitude. self-conscious. always mentioning thyself. its like were
anti-conceited. hehe... see, anticlimatic is out. anti-other stuff. y0lk:
were just anti. we hate you all.
because in the 50s... it was pompadours.
in the 60s... it was peace!
in the 70s it was bellbottoms, i dont really know why.
in the 80s! ronald reagan! bmws! sushi! we used to use that for
fertilizer back at my home
but in the 90s... its love. LOVE IS THE NEW FAD! i love you! good
god almighty!
suddenly, ive found myself alive.
--nice ending. bye.---------------------------------------------------------
GOAT MEAT FOREVER! WE KILL SMALL CHILDREN AND EAT THEM! WE HATE
FLORIDA! FLORIDA SUCKS! THEY DONT EXPORT ANY MEAT FROM THEIR STATE! THEY
HARDLY EVEN EAT MEAT THERE! ITS ALL FRESH FRUIT, DAMNIT! IT SUCKS! SCREW
FLORIDA, WE WANT SOME LIVING HUMAN FLESH TO GNAW ON! ALL HAIL GOAT MEAT!
--bye!-----------------------------------------------------------------------
--not so fast---------------------------------------------------------------
not so fast. hooch is here to kick it with you, to make this extra k-rad
issue of y0lk become really extra k-rad.
NOTE:
CREED, WHAT KIND OF EDITOR DO YOU WRITE YOUR ARTICLES IN? I READ/WRITE THEM
IN DOS EDIT. MAKE EACH LINE OF YOURS SHORTER, CUZ THEY DONT FIT ON MY DOS
EDIT PAGES. WERD.
anyway.. id like to react to several of creeds remarks. first of all, i
cant believe hed even try and say that shannon hoon is even in the same
league as jerry garcia. jerry garcia is worshiped by millions - the grateful
dead changed many peoples lives - a whole era group up listening and
worshipping them, and many peole still do. blind melon, well, they sucked.
but even if you liked them.. what, they put out one record? theres no way
hoons credentials rank with garcias. ive only been listening to the
grateful dead for a few months now since like may -- and i cant believe
it every time i hear a song ive never heard by them. anyway..
wow, that whole day in the life of creed thing was interesting. to be honest,
i had no idea dave was that fucked up. that pope/satan thing was funny.
about y0lknet: anybody whos reading this right now and runs a bbs, drop
whatever youre doing and join y0lknet. call up 201-762-1373 or 908-224-8780
and leave feedback to the sysop with your board name, number, etc.. we will
get you hooked up with y0lknet asap. we move swiftly, because we like buttah.
damn, i just looked at the titles of the first twenty y0lks, and theyre
very impressive, if i do say so myself. im not into creeds whole negativism
deal -- i think y0lk is actually pretty cool. and deep down, i think creed
thinks so too. if he didnt, he wouldnt keep doing it.
id just like to say i hope y0lk continues until i and creed stop bbsing.
that would be pretty cool. i can honestly say that i think it will, too it
is very easy to run, we have fun doing it, and we all take pride in it i
guess sorta for creed. i havent even really gotten any responses from people
who read it there probably arent that many. but, all the same, its fun.
bon voyage, toot too, rah rah. belial, bedlham, misfit - screw yer zines/mags.
merge int0 y0lk* .. seriously. wed love to have you. one, unified,
awesome zine. that would r0ck.
--bye!for!real!------------------------------------------------------------
--index----------------------------------------------------------------------
index of y0lk issues:
issue . title
001 the other white meat
002 several k-rad elite haxors sitting around a campfire and grooving
003 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.
004 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin
005 household uses for afghanistanian food
006 pour cement down my anus
007 hail santa!
008 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?
009 lunchables rock.
010 t-shirts and toejam
011 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview
012 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta
013 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@
014 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink
015 bedazzled by the eliteness
016 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina
017 i am a warez pup - who are you?
018 lemmings
019 the science of astrology
. 020 , the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene ,
issues 1-5, 7, 9, and 15-16 by creed
issues 6, 8, 11-13, and 17 by hooch
issue 10 by bEdlAM
issue 14 and 18 by phorce
issue 19 by belial
issue 20 by creed + hooch
mindcrime is an official y0lk member.
note: if you have written an issue, you are a y0lk member, have a y0lk member
board, etc. woo.
y0lk: the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene
--eek------------------------------------------------------------------------
hmm... were you expecting a more dazzling header? a star-spangled
entrance to our 20th issue special? i sure was. well, fuck that. thats not
y0lk. and you wanna know why? cuz i didnt feel like doing it. hah. dont
fuck with me, boyo, ill tear you apart.
--pHR cRD--------------------------------------------------------------------
yep, yep. no extravaganza. hooch is going to hate me for it, but i
decided to just go on and tank through the y0lk issues. let me tell you a
little story.
--oh boyee!------------------------------------------------------------------
well, its not really a story. see, i fooled you. hence, the
anticlimactic motf. some of you, if you have been following y0lk, were
probably expecting a giant 20th issue, co-written by hooch and i. well, that
wasnt happening. i couldnt think of a great enough idea on what to do, and
too much time was passing. y0lk needs to keep its pace, damn you!
so, im just going on and writing this disgustingly normal little issue
for you all. i think everyones better off not having to deal with a boring
super-issue. im relieved.
--im not--------------------------------------------------------------------
fuck you. you dont have to deal with all this y0lk shit. speaking of
which, they said shit on saturday night live this week. i think it slipped
out, but i dont doubt that chick is getting fired. wave goodbye to the first
new cast member to fall, martyred to the FCC.
and on current events, shannon hoon died. i hope you knew that
already. im kinda depressed because he isnt getting any recognition. he was
an incredible artist! but no. people care more about an old burned out hippie
garcia than they do about a 28 year-old blooming artist. poopy on you.
anyway, thats why im a tad disturbed. i havent slept in 3 days.
--shephards note-----------------------------------------------------------
i in no way agree with creed on that one. garcia was a genius, hoon was a
little dirtbag/dork. he odd, retard. never saw jerry do that.
--youre putting me to sleep right now, if that helps------------------------
YEAH, THANKS A LOT, MISTER ASSHOLE SECOND-PERSON DIALOGUE SEPERATOR
LINE PIECE OF SHIT! heh. it seems to me that a lot of people are using that
now, especially contributors to y0lk. did i invent it? id feel very cool if
i invented a zine thing. well, who cares. its a shitty concept anyway. this
is getting boring.
--it always is---------------------------------------------------------------
dry, uncaring, self-conscious, lame humor. i talk like this in public,
too. its weird. i start talking about something and then just fade out into
mumblings of why do i lose so hard? and such. were all sick people. stop
reading this. its just so damn ANTICLIMACTIC. touch!
--nah------------------------------------------------------------------------
you couldnt if you tried. y0lk is addicting. soon youll need more
and more... gradually growing addicted, day by day. soon youll be writing for
y0lk twice a day, just to see more issues.
and while im thinking about it, you CAN get mindless y0lk-like chatter
on a more-than-daily basis. y0lknet is up. read y0lk.net or y0lknet.nfo or
whatever that damn filename is. i suppose y0lknet is like the official net of
the zine scene, now that phearnet is down. at least, i think its down.
--gee golly------------------------------------------------------------------
well, as long as im making this issue longer than usual, maybe youd
like to here about my day.
--hell no--------------------------------------------------------------------
at 6:30am, i heard the alarm ring next to me, loud and clear. i was
still on my laptop, in bed, listening to a bogmen cd. i cursed at myself for
losing track of time, and got out of bed, still in my jeans and all.
i jumped into the shower at about 6:40, uh... showered... and got out.
was that event really worth a whole paragraph?
i got back in bed and shut off my music and laptop. i had nothing much
to do, and i was still wide awake, so i stared at the ceiling for a full half
hour. i even timed myself.
at 7:15, i decided it was time to get ready to leave. i put on my
school clothes, put my backpack together, and left. my aunt drove me to school
this morning, and shes kind of a late person... so i had to sit in a freezing
car for 10 minutes, with the sliding door wide open. i was too cold and too
lazy to close the door.
i got to school at 8:00 and missed morning meeting so i could finish
an assignment that i didnt do the night before. i asked my friend if any
relevant announcements were made. he told me there would be a big assembly
tomorrow, and wed miss periods 1-3.
well, i trudged through 4 full periods of class and made it to lunch.
i took my time eating, because i had two free periods in a row. after everyone
was done with their food, we got up and went to a soundproof room attached to
the band room. we popped a blank tape and started recording for a joke-band we
had started called goat meat. i was the lead singer. we finished 3 short
tracks, mostly about cannibalism and drinking the blood of small children.
about 15 minutes of the tape were done with. that was probably the highlight
of my day. yahoo.
i had a short ancient world class afterwards, where the class talked
about the bible. there was no busywork to do, which was cool, so i just
relaxed for most of the class.
after that, i had drawing. i cut apart a photograph of a priest and
started drawing in the half of it that i had cut out. im sure youve all
done this before ...i drew half of his face as satan. the art teacher is
pretty cool, and he thought it was one of the best drawings he had seen in that
specific class, so he appreciated it. but the other kids kept staring at me.
bah.
i went home on the damn school bus. this dork sat next to me and
started trying to get me to say something self-humiliating. i didnt really
feel like doing so, at least not for him. im going to pin you to the ground
with a kitchen knife set. then im going to stomp on your head until your
skull gives and your face becomes limp. them im going to anally rape your
dead body. then im going to cut your flesh of in little pancakes and toast it
in a pop-up toaster, and eat it. and then i will drink your blood out of a
stone goblet. it was a stupid and morbid joke. but it got him to leave. you
see, thats not even funny. but when you shove it in y0lk with all the other
bland crap, it almost gets you smiling. a n t i c l i m a c t i c .
--SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THAT WORD--------------------------------------------
i really should. anyway. my day. well, thats it. i went home and
sat on my ass and stared at the computer screen. my life is boring. actually
i think the preceding section was a blatant glorification of my sad life.
dont believe a word of it.
ive used a lot of big words in this issue. i hope that doesnt really
disturb you countryfolk. i just gots to show it off. i did graduate the 8th
grade, you know.
ugh. hooch is going to kill me when he finds out i wrote issue 20
without him.
im getting in a bad mood. i just realized the lack of humor in y0lk.
its like the kind of zine where you look at it and nod and think yeah, okay.
...like its no big deal. like an old 80s sitcom where you dont think any of
the jokes are funny. but you know when you were 10 years old, you watched
them fanatically, just for the dull stories and mild humorous entertainment.
only y0lk is worse. we just are. in fact, thats what the title of
the next issue i write is going to be. y0lk: were worse than full house and
were not afraid to admit it. heh. just another crack to prove my point.
that wasnt funny at all.
--sigh-----------------------------------------------------------------------
i think im feeling too bad about myself. hell, its all part of the
y0lk attitude. self-conscious. always mentioning thyself. its like were
anti-conceited. hehe... see, anticlimatic is out. anti-other stuff. y0lk:
were just anti. we hate you all.
because in the 50s... it was pompadours.
in the 60s... it was peace!
in the 70s it was bellbottoms, i dont really know why.
in the 80s! ronald reagan! bmws! sushi! we used to use that for
fertilizer back at my home
but in the 90s... its love. LOVE IS THE NEW FAD! i love you! good
god almighty!
suddenly, ive found myself alive.
--nice ending. bye.---------------------------------------------------------
GOAT MEAT FOREVER! WE KILL SMALL CHILDREN AND EAT THEM! WE HATE
FLORIDA! FLORIDA SUCKS! THEY DONT EXPORT ANY MEAT FROM THEIR STATE! THEY
HARDLY EVEN EAT MEAT THERE! ITS ALL FRESH FRUIT, DAMNIT! IT SUCKS! SCREW
FLORIDA, WE WANT SOME LIVING HUMAN FLESH TO GNAW ON! ALL HAIL GOAT MEAT!
--bye!-----------------------------------------------------------------------
--not so fast---------------------------------------------------------------
not so fast. hooch is here to kick it with you, to make this extra k-rad
issue of y0lk become really extra k-rad.
NOTE:
CREED, WHAT KIND OF EDITOR DO YOU WRITE YOUR ARTICLES IN? I READ/WRITE THEM
IN DOS EDIT. MAKE EACH LINE OF YOURS SHORTER, CUZ THEY DONT FIT ON MY DOS
EDIT PAGES. WERD.
anyway.. id like to react to several of creeds remarks. first of all, i
cant believe hed even try and say that shannon hoon is even in the same
league as jerry garcia. jerry garcia is worshiped by millions - the grateful
dead changed many peoples lives - a whole era group up listening and
worshipping them, and many peole still do. blind melon, well, they sucked.
but even if you liked them.. what, they put out one record? theres no way
hoons credentials rank with garcias. ive only been listening to the
grateful dead for a few months now since like may -- and i cant believe
it every time i hear a song ive never heard by them. anyway..
wow, that whole day in the life of creed thing was interesting. to be honest,
i had no idea dave was that fucked up. that pope/satan thing was funny.
about y0lknet: anybody whos reading this right now and runs a bbs, drop
whatever youre doing and join y0lknet. call up 201-762-1373 or 908-224-8780
and leave feedback to the sysop with your board name, number, etc.. we will
get you hooked up with y0lknet asap. we move swiftly, because we like buttah.
damn, i just looked at the titles of the first twenty y0lks, and theyre
very impressive, if i do say so myself. im not into creeds whole negativism
deal -- i think y0lk is actually pretty cool. and deep down, i think creed
thinks so too. if he didnt, he wouldnt keep doing it.
id just like to say i hope y0lk continues until i and creed stop bbsing.
that would be pretty cool. i can honestly say that i think it will, too it
is very easy to run, we have fun doing it, and we all take pride in it i
guess sorta for creed. i havent even really gotten any responses from people
who read it there probably arent that many. but, all the same, its fun.
bon voyage, toot too, rah rah. belial, bedlham, misfit - screw yer zines/mags.
merge int0 y0lk* .. seriously. wed love to have you. one, unified,
awesome zine. that would r0ck.
--bye!for!real!------------------------------------------------------------
--index----------------------------------------------------------------------
index of y0lk issues:
issue . title
001 the other white meat
002 several k-rad elite haxors sitting around a campfire and grooving
003 nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.
004 a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin
005 household uses for afghanistanian food
006 pour cement down my anus
007 hail santa!
008 hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?
009 lunchables rock.
010 t-shirts and toejam
011 nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview
012 movie reviews showgirls!@ - win95 vs. os/2 sorta
013 straight outta compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@
014 im a tall, goofy, dorky, chink
015 bedazzled by the eliteness
016 how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina
017 i am a warez pup - who are you?
018 lemmings
019 the science of astrology
. 020 , the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene ,
issues 1-5, 7, 9, and 15-16 by creed
issues 6, 8, 11-13, and 17 by hooch
issue 10 by bEdlAM
issue 14 and 18 by phorce
issue 19 by belial
issue 20 by creed + hooch
mindcrime is an official y0lk member.
note: if you have written an issue, you are a y0lk member, have a y0lk member
board, etc. woo.
log in to add a comment.