onfinement Vol.1 Issue.3
Released 09/13/93
-//- onfinement Publications 93 -//-
In This Issue:
1 A Message From The Editor
2 The Canadian Home Shopping Klub
3 Phun With Your Neighbours
4 Mail From Impedent Users
DiSCLAiMER: Usual Bullshit
Blah,blah,blah. We take no responsibility for the shit you pull no matter how
inspired by us even if you are completely drunk/stoned.
A Message From The Head Honcho
Well, I really wasnt planning on making this a continuous
thing since all it was really was articles I wrote in June
for the FaD E-Mag, which never did come out so I just
threw em together... But since I had 7 or 8 people asking
me when the next ones coming out, here we go again. 8r.
- Hype
The Canadian Home Shopping Network
JOY! Im sure all of you have flipped through
the channels many a day to find some wench selling
useless shit for up to 4x that of any k-k00l store
like ZelllerrrrZzzz ... Please dont tell me you
shop at club Z. No but seriously, I *REEEAALLLYY*
want some cubic zirconia earrings for 75.oo.. when
you can go to those groovy dispensers and pay twenty
five cents for those plastic egg things and if youre
lucky, you get the one with the plastic ring! JOY!
What other useless shit do they have... oh ya, lets
not forget the china ornament hour. You too can collect
the set of nine china children, each in their own
nifty pose or action, complete with owners authenticity
certicifate and warranty, for an austonishing low price
of 49.99... And as you watch the number of items sold
hit over 2oo for even useless shit like this, you think,
no wonder theres so many poor welfare people immigrants
out there, they squander all their money, but not on
cheap women and booze, but on The Canadian Home Shopping
Club! Gasp Oh but their big money maker must be the
basball cards they sell... they rip out some nobody out
of the pack like Jolly Joe Jimbob, get him to sign a few
hundred cards for free, and jack the price of this two
cent card to eighty bucks! What a deal! Turning on the
tube right now they have... a set of three glass girl
dancers! JOY! For only... 24.99 plus 3.99 shipping and
handling! What a bargain! Oh and look, theres a number
handy here to call up and order your valuable merchandise!
1-800-263-2911 out here on the west coast... Im sure this
would be ideal for a night of beige boxing, maybe get on
the air live like they do with a few of the customers,
and swear at all the faggots and hicks across the country...
after all, its not your phone line, so fuck it over all
you want.
Phun With Your Neighbours
Im sure all of you have had your neighbours leave for Hong
Kong or something ugh for their vacation, even then, you sat
at home playing your latest K-RaD WaareeZZzz not realizing the
oppurtunity that lies before you. I mean, when theyre gone,
you can do whenever, whatever, the fuck you want and no-one
really has to know. All *YOU* really need to know is when they
come back, a minor little detail when you live beside them.
Your neighbours house must *DEFINATELY* a pool, to throw your
own house-warming pool party. If not, just turn it into a crack
or whore house Most pool heaters are located outside the house,
so just crank this sucker to like 95 degrees, so you dont get
cold. After all, youre not paying for it. Lalala, ok, now youre
fucking bored. Hmmm.. lets scope out what inside youre new house,
shall we? Once inside the house theres gotta be an open window,
there always is prepare your very own 7-course meal, using the
grub you find in their freezer. Unless theyre some kinda welfare
immigrants, youll always find a freezer stocked with food Leave
the plates out, hell, smash them to shit, grab those fucking
annoying china ornaments, fuck, whip those through a window or
something. No, better yet, nuke em in the microwave. Watch the
sparks fly. Just generally smash the shit out of everything, its
not yours. Of course youre gonna scam every beer/vodka out of the
fridge, get piss drunk, and then proceed to blow chunks everywhere.
Ohhh yess, lets not forget one important detail, while your fag
neighbours are gone, that doesnt mean their mail is going to come
to a screeching hault now does it? Of course! Snag it! All of it!
Bills, coupons... Visa cards, etc. Have phun while youre doing it,
and hopefully your neighbours wont arrive home just as youre
throwing your legalize-hemp protest/orgy-fest.
Mail From Impedent Users
Dear Mr.Hype,
I would like to say I think you are a complete asshole, and are extremely
obnoxious, and I dont wanna see your midget ass around here anymore.
SO FUCK OFF!
- Annonymous
Thats really great, Im sure everybody here wanted to listen to you babble
on about what an asshole I am. I have a right to be an asshole, but that right
should not be abused. And Im sure your mother will freak when a semi-truck
full of Playgirl and K-Y Jelly arrives at your house.
Hype,
I would like to know if one train leaves from New York at 60 Mph heading to
Denver, and a train from Denver is leaving to New York at 35 Mph, how long will
it take for the two trains to meet if they left at the same time?
- Mr. Trivia
The two trains *WONT* meet each other, simply because the only type of trains
in New York and Denver are Amtrack trains, and they will surely derail, catch
on fire, and blow up before meeting each other.
Hype,
I was wondering, after reading those QUiK-NeT messages, could hackers *REALLY*
hack into NASA and play around with their spaceships and stuff?
- Wondering?!
Oh, but I already have. Right at this moment, a sattelite dish is hurdling
towards your house on flames at 1,ooo,ooo MPH, armed with a nuKlear warhead,
actually, looking through the scopes here its aimed right at your 2 inch
willing wang.
Well, that wraps up another issue of onfinement. If youd either like to be a
distrobution site, and/or a writer, Im still writing solo here! logon to
Physical Insanity, under GUEST password CONFINEMENT. And either upload me a
piece of your work or leave me your BBS phone number. L8rZzz.
Chalk Up Another One. L8r.
PHYSiCAL iNSANiTY - 350 Megz Online. 14.4k/V.32bis 6o4.929.o554
Copyright onfinement Publications 1993
All Rights Fucked In The Head
Released 09/13/93
-//- onfinement Publications 93 -//-
In This Issue:
1 A Message From The Editor
2 The Canadian Home Shopping Klub
3 Phun With Your Neighbours
4 Mail From Impedent Users
DiSCLAiMER: Usual Bullshit
Blah,blah,blah. We take no responsibility for the shit you pull no matter how
inspired by us even if you are completely drunk/stoned.
A Message From The Head Honcho
Well, I really wasnt planning on making this a continuous
thing since all it was really was articles I wrote in June
for the FaD E-Mag, which never did come out so I just
threw em together... But since I had 7 or 8 people asking
me when the next ones coming out, here we go again. 8r.
- Hype
The Canadian Home Shopping Network
JOY! Im sure all of you have flipped through
the channels many a day to find some wench selling
useless shit for up to 4x that of any k-k00l store
like ZelllerrrrZzzz ... Please dont tell me you
shop at club Z. No but seriously, I *REEEAALLLYY*
want some cubic zirconia earrings for 75.oo.. when
you can go to those groovy dispensers and pay twenty
five cents for those plastic egg things and if youre
lucky, you get the one with the plastic ring! JOY!
What other useless shit do they have... oh ya, lets
not forget the china ornament hour. You too can collect
the set of nine china children, each in their own
nifty pose or action, complete with owners authenticity
certicifate and warranty, for an austonishing low price
of 49.99... And as you watch the number of items sold
hit over 2oo for even useless shit like this, you think,
no wonder theres so many poor welfare people immigrants
out there, they squander all their money, but not on
cheap women and booze, but on The Canadian Home Shopping
Club! Gasp Oh but their big money maker must be the
basball cards they sell... they rip out some nobody out
of the pack like Jolly Joe Jimbob, get him to sign a few
hundred cards for free, and jack the price of this two
cent card to eighty bucks! What a deal! Turning on the
tube right now they have... a set of three glass girl
dancers! JOY! For only... 24.99 plus 3.99 shipping and
handling! What a bargain! Oh and look, theres a number
handy here to call up and order your valuable merchandise!
1-800-263-2911 out here on the west coast... Im sure this
would be ideal for a night of beige boxing, maybe get on
the air live like they do with a few of the customers,
and swear at all the faggots and hicks across the country...
after all, its not your phone line, so fuck it over all
you want.
Phun With Your Neighbours
Im sure all of you have had your neighbours leave for Hong
Kong or something ugh for their vacation, even then, you sat
at home playing your latest K-RaD WaareeZZzz not realizing the
oppurtunity that lies before you. I mean, when theyre gone,
you can do whenever, whatever, the fuck you want and no-one
really has to know. All *YOU* really need to know is when they
come back, a minor little detail when you live beside them.
Your neighbours house must *DEFINATELY* a pool, to throw your
own house-warming pool party. If not, just turn it into a crack
or whore house Most pool heaters are located outside the house,
so just crank this sucker to like 95 degrees, so you dont get
cold. After all, youre not paying for it. Lalala, ok, now youre
fucking bored. Hmmm.. lets scope out what inside youre new house,
shall we? Once inside the house theres gotta be an open window,
there always is prepare your very own 7-course meal, using the
grub you find in their freezer. Unless theyre some kinda welfare
immigrants, youll always find a freezer stocked with food Leave
the plates out, hell, smash them to shit, grab those fucking
annoying china ornaments, fuck, whip those through a window or
something. No, better yet, nuke em in the microwave. Watch the
sparks fly. Just generally smash the shit out of everything, its
not yours. Of course youre gonna scam every beer/vodka out of the
fridge, get piss drunk, and then proceed to blow chunks everywhere.
Ohhh yess, lets not forget one important detail, while your fag
neighbours are gone, that doesnt mean their mail is going to come
to a screeching hault now does it? Of course! Snag it! All of it!
Bills, coupons... Visa cards, etc. Have phun while youre doing it,
and hopefully your neighbours wont arrive home just as youre
throwing your legalize-hemp protest/orgy-fest.
Mail From Impedent Users
Dear Mr.Hype,
I would like to say I think you are a complete asshole, and are extremely
obnoxious, and I dont wanna see your midget ass around here anymore.
SO FUCK OFF!
- Annonymous
Thats really great, Im sure everybody here wanted to listen to you babble
on about what an asshole I am. I have a right to be an asshole, but that right
should not be abused. And Im sure your mother will freak when a semi-truck
full of Playgirl and K-Y Jelly arrives at your house.
Hype,
I would like to know if one train leaves from New York at 60 Mph heading to
Denver, and a train from Denver is leaving to New York at 35 Mph, how long will
it take for the two trains to meet if they left at the same time?
- Mr. Trivia
The two trains *WONT* meet each other, simply because the only type of trains
in New York and Denver are Amtrack trains, and they will surely derail, catch
on fire, and blow up before meeting each other.
Hype,
I was wondering, after reading those QUiK-NeT messages, could hackers *REALLY*
hack into NASA and play around with their spaceships and stuff?
- Wondering?!
Oh, but I already have. Right at this moment, a sattelite dish is hurdling
towards your house on flames at 1,ooo,ooo MPH, armed with a nuKlear warhead,
actually, looking through the scopes here its aimed right at your 2 inch
willing wang.
Well, that wraps up another issue of onfinement. If youd either like to be a
distrobution site, and/or a writer, Im still writing solo here! logon to
Physical Insanity, under GUEST password CONFINEMENT. And either upload me a
piece of your work or leave me your BBS phone number. L8rZzz.
Chalk Up Another One. L8r.
PHYSiCAL iNSANiTY - 350 Megz Online. 14.4k/V.32bis 6o4.929.o554
Copyright onfinement Publications 1993
All Rights Fucked In The Head
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