------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (onfinement Vol.1 Issue.3 Released 09/13/93 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -//- (onfinement Publications '93 -//- In This Issue: ============== [1] A Message From The Editor [2] The Canadian Home Shopping Klub [3] Phun With Your Neighbours [4] Mail From Impedent Users -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* DiSCLAiMER: (Usual Bullshit) Blah,blah,blah. We take no responsibility for the shit you pull no matter how inspired by us even if you are completely drunk/stoned. -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* A Message From The Head Honcho ============================== Well, I really wasn't planning on making this a continuous thing since all it was really was articles I wrote in June for the FaD E-Mag, (which never did come out) so I just threw 'em together... But since I had 7 or 8 people asking me when the next one's coming out, here we go again. œ8r. - Hype -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Canadian Home Shopping Network ================================== JOY! I'm sure all of you have flipped through the channels many a day to find some wench selling useless shit for up to 4x that of any k-k00l store like ZelllerrrrZzzz ... (Please don't tell me you shop at club Z.) No but seriously, I *REEEAALLLYY* want some cubic zirconia earrings for $75.oo.. when you can go to those groovy dispensers and pay twenty five cents for those plastic egg things and if you're lucky, you get the one with the plastic ring! JOY! What other useless shit do they have... oh ya, let's not forget the china ornament hour. You too can collect the set of nine china children, each in their own nifty pose or action, complete with owners authenticity certicifate and warranty, for an austonishing low price of $49.99... And as you watch the number of items sold hit over 2oo for even useless shit like this, you think, no wonder there's so many poor welfare people (immigrants) out there, they squander all their money, but not on cheap women and booze, but on The Canadian Home Shopping Club! Oh but their big money maker must be the basball cards they sell... they rip out some nobody out of the pack like Jolly Joe Jimbob, get him to sign a few hundred cards for free, and jack the price of this two cent card to eighty bucks! What a deal! Turning on the tube right now they have... a set of three glass girl dancers! JOY! For only... $24.99 plus $3.99 shipping and handling! What a bargain! Oh and look, there's a number handy here to call up and order your valuable merchandise! 1-800-263-2911 out here on the west coast... I'm sure this would be ideal for a night of beige boxing, maybe get on the air live like they do with a few of the customers, and swear at all the faggots and hicks across the country... after all, it's not your phone line, so fuck it over all you want. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Phun With Your Neighbours ========================= I'm sure all of you have had your neighbours leave for Hong Kong or something (ugh) for their vacation, even then, you sat at home playing your latest K-RaD WaareeZZzz not realizing the oppurtunity that lies before you. I mean, when they're gone, you can do whenever, whatever, the fuck you want and no-one really has to know. All *YOU* really need to know is when they come back, a minor little detail when you live beside them. Your neighbours house must *DEFINATELY* a pool, to throw your own house-warming pool party. (If not, just turn it into a crack or whore house) Most pool heaters are located outside the house, so just crank this sucker to like 95 degrees, so you don't get cold. After all, you're not paying for it. Lalala, ok, now you're fucking bored. Hmmm.. let's scope out what inside you're new house, shall we? Once inside the house (there's gotta be an open window, there always is) prepare your very own 7-course meal, using the grub you find in their freezer. (Unless they're some kinda welfare immigrants, you'll always find a freezer stocked with food) Leave the plates out, hell, smash them to shit, grab those fucking annoying china ornaments, fuck, whip those through a window or something. No, better yet, nuke 'em in the microwave. Watch the sparks fly. Just generally smash the shit out of everything, it's not yours. Of course you're gonna scam every beer/vodka out of the fridge, get piss drunk, and then proceed to blow chunks everywhere. Ohhh yess, let's not forget one important detail, while your fag neighbours are gone, that doesn't mean their mail is going to come to a screeching hault now does it? Of course! Snag it! All of it! Bills, coupons... Visa cards, etc. Have phun while you're doing it, and hopefully your neighbours won't arrive home just as you're throwing your legalize-hemp protest/orgy-fest. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mail From Impedent Users ======================== Dear Mr.Hype, I would like to say I think you are a complete asshole, and are extremely obnoxious, and I don't wanna see your midget ass around here anymore. SO FUCK OFF! - Annonymous [ That's really great, I'm sure everybody here wanted to listen to you babble on about what an asshole I am. I have a right to be an asshole, but that right should not be abused. And I'm sure your mother will freak when a semi-truck full of Playgirl and K-Y Jelly arrives at your house. ] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hype, I would like to know if one train leaves from New York at 60 Mph heading to Denver, and a train from Denver is leaving to New York at 35 Mph, how long will it take for the two trains to meet if they left at the same time? - Mr. Trivia [ The two trains *WONT* meet each other, simply because the only type of trains in New York and Denver are Amtrack trains, and they will surely derail, catch on fire, and blow up before meeting each other. ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hype, I was wondering, after reading those QUiK-NeT messages, could hackers *REALLY* hack into NASA and play around with their spaceships and stuff? - Wondering?! [ Oh, but I already have. Right at this moment, a sattelite dish is hurdling towards your house on flames at 1,ooo,ooo MPH, armed with a nuKlear warhead, actually, (looking through the scopes here) it's aimed right at your 2 inch willing wang. ] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, that wraps up another issue of (onfinement. If you'd either like to be a distrobution site, and/or a writer, (I'm still writing solo here!) logon to Physical Insanity, under GUEST password CONFINEMENT. And either upload me a piece of your work or leave me your BBS phone number. L8rZzz. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chalk Up Another One. L8r. PHYSiCAL iNSANiTY - 350 Megz Online. 14.4k/V.32bis [6o4].929.o554 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (C)opyright (onfinement Publications 1993 All Rights Fucked In The Head