the
big
book
of hP
---------------------------------byhennifer the prophet----------------------
Bill? This simple question torments us, yet fills us with hope. Hopebecause we all have a special connection with Bill. The Spirit of Bill iswithin everything, for we are all His children. Bill is like a giant LegoManiac tm, building and taking apart. Fitting blue blocks with red blockswith yellow blocks, and sometimes even using those wierd little see-throughpieces. At times, Bill has to begin anew, and destroys His creations in atorrent of cataclysmic devastation, but be assured, He does this out of love,never for fun, or just because Hes bored.
May be wondering what you can do for such an all-powerful being. Neverfear, there is a place for everyone in the designs of Bill. As a token of Hislove to us, Bill has created another, earthly part of Himself. This essence ofBill has been hidden on Earth. Why not some other planet?, you ask? Becausealiens suck.
This essence, this Bill is very mysterious. No-one knows whether it isa person or an object, so rightfully it is simply Bill. This earthly Bill isone of the focuses of religious life. In full, the goals are:
1. Find your Inner Bill.
2. Find and awaken the earthly incarnation of Bill.
3. Cut your finger off with a table saw.
This last goal is, of course, the hardest, because it is the only onethat cant be faked. If you ever encounter a man with less than five fingers,seek guidance from him, for he is truly wise.
As a true follower, one must spread the holy word, and seek otherfollowers by asking Bill? wherever one goes. This simple question is the keyto everything, and the answer you are given will tell you whether you aretalking to another follower, a heathen, or possibly even Bill Himself.
The one who discovers Bill will be raised above all others, andworshipped at a level just below that of Bill Himself. This Discoverer will beattended day and night by hundreds of servants, and will gain a huge number ofpeople trying to assassinate him/her. This Discoverer will continue beingworshipped until a he/she is shot by an assassin, or b he/she goes insane. Itis everyones hope to achieve this glory, but there is a deeper purpose to thesearch. When asking Bill?, one encounters many who believe that they knowBill, or even that they are Bill. This is blasphemy! There is only one Bill,and you will conveniently know Him when you find Him. All other so-calledBills are blasphemously using the holy Name, and must change their ways andname. Those who continue to mis-use the Name must be servants of the evilAnti-Bill, Llib. They must be destroyed.
As we, the servants of the Light, draw closer to finding the earthlyBill, Llib is gathering the forces of Darkness in preparation for the FinalBattle. We must find and awaken Bill so that He can lead the forces of Lightand kick ass.
Perhaps one would wonder why the all-powerful, godly Bill doesnt stepin and destroy Llib. Simply, Bill is realllly lazy. After all, it took Himfour billion years to get the planet working right.
Despite being lazy, Bill has infinite wisdom. He has revealed profoundtruths to His followers such as:
Dont do bad stuff.
The earthly Bill also has wisdom to share, but seeing as we haventfound Him yet, we dont know what it is. We bet its really interesting though!
Things you should knew about Bill:
1. Bill is spelled B-I-L-L, not B-I-L or B-Y-L-L and definitely not
B-I-L-E!
2. The official symbol of Bill is:
What is it? We have no idea, so
its a good symbol for Bill.
3. The official blessing of Bill is: Bill would love you, if He knew
He was Bill and/or could talk.
Finally, if you receive inspiration from Bill, or have an alleged Bill-sighting, please notify the Followers of Bill at:
Bill
47 Barrydale Court
London, ON
Canada
N6G 4G4
Thank you.