M A Y 1 9 9 7
1. April showers brought May flowers, that is, until Joker came around and
accidentally stepped on all of them. Oh well. But we have a great variety of
work this month to make up for it! We wanted to call it the iCE Flowers
Month but BoA said it sounded too gay, and Dev mentioned something about his
possibly getting deflowered so it became a moot point.
2. In the whos new department, sometimes referred to as the suckers of the
month club, we are happy to report that three new members were welcomed into
the group. Sucked in by the Frozen Eureka were Farmicus in the UNIX team, and
Wired in the ANSI/members team. Also dragged in half-dead by the cat Scooter
was Beastie, to the ANSI team. Nobody managed to escape this month, either.
3. Information Systems director Lickbert never bothered learning to use a real
writing implement, so hes been moved to progressive discipline. He was
taken there by Jae, who will be administering the torture. However, Farmicus
and Force Ten report that many new UNIX tricks will be put in place this month.
Theyre all a secret, and neither are willing to tell.
4. Tempus resurfaced to socialize with the wing-nuts this month, but he was
promptly beaten and mugged by Kabal 13. When told that Tempus was one of iCEs
oldschool legends, Kabal merely shrugged and said that the bastard was part
of the SSH conspiracy.
5. In the iCE criminal of the month department, Friar Tucks ugly mug has
been pinned up to the post office wall. Tuck, whose car was demolished
recently by a slightly crazed woman Syntax would like to add that this is a
redundant definition, purchased a brand new 97 black-on-black-on-black VW
Jetta, and promptly received two tickets in his first day of driving it. The
first was a routine speeding ticket, worth 4 points and quite a few bucks, and
the second was for attempting to bribe the summons-issuing officer with a
donut. It was my last Cruller, said Friar Tuck, youd expletive think
thatd be worth something! The officer declined comment.
6. iCE would like to congratulate all of the members who graduated college
this past May. We would also like to congratulate Syntax Error and Vesalius
for hitting their final stretch in their medical schooling, and want to
wish them luck on their way to writing the rest of us prescriptions for Prozac
and Lithium.
7. Rumours were circulating the Cannes film festival in France saying that the
new sexy actor of the year would be -- iCEs very own Magnetic M! Starring in
such new movies as The Teddy Bear Murders and Revenge of the Slurp, Maggie
was the hit of the festival. Several well-endowed Syntax would like to once
again point out that hes available for plastic surgery consultation women
were seen hanging all over M. Magnetic M refuses to confirm or deny the rumors
but instead offers the following statement : whatever that means.
8. THIS JUST IN: A protest was staged by Kitiara, Anarchy, and Sprite due to
the misogynistic and degrading representations of women attributed to Syntax
in this NFO file. New iCE guy Wired also tried to join in, but we just think
he was trying to get some action.
9. Another month of penguin beating and tribal chants mixed into a graphic
display of 90s mentality. Another wonderful pack. You just cant understand
what its like to be iCE, unless you are. See you next month!
Cold and Ugly Force Ten Mass Delusion