Xmas pr0n as you never seen before
------------------- - - ------------------------------------------,. bump issue 001 - We are back to kick ass - 12/17/2002.,----------------- --- - -- ---------------------------------------- contat: hotbump@hotmail.com
* Masturbation *
Hey, Im back with bump 001 and so excited about the feedback of the very first issue 000. David Letterman called me this morning to book an interview withme, cuz he was impressed with the 1,000,000 gets the first issue got on IRC fileserver. Well, Im not sure if i can handle all the lust you get when you are famous, but i take the chicks and the limousines part in consideration.
Be my guest and I challenge you to read all the file, cuz im pretty sure nobody did it in the zero issue.
* Anihilation *
Fat Terrorism
Terrorism is really bad...but do you know what annoys me ?! The fact of there
are not FAT terrorists, what should be considered a prejudice, which is as bad as terrorism, cuz ppl cant be judged by their size. My theory only reflects howthose fucking terrorist leaders are stupid , like, fat ppl can carry a lot more
explosives than other ppl... What are they affraid of ??! That the fat fellas eat all that tnt or drink the nitro ?! I dont think so, cuz it would affect theirstomach seriously and the stomach is the only bodypart a fat person cares to mantain functional the mouth aswell.
So, as a reminder to all terrorism network in the world, and I know a lot of members are reading this now we have millions readers in Iraq and Afegahnistan,RECRUIT FAT PPL for 10 reasons:
1. Using them as human bombers will save some percentage of the worlds food
stockpile.
2. If they explode, it wont be necessary to burry em in those fucking large
woody cofins. Do you know how many trees are used to build that ?!
3. They are dumber than normal ppl, so recruiting em will not be a hard task... Like: If i give you this ice cream, would you wear this nice C4 vest ?
4. Fat ppl dont fit the fashion standards and are the best targets for jokes.
Using em as human bombers would benefit themselves, cuz ppl will start jokin g about fat ppl exploding, not only about fat ppl.
5. Do you know a way to lose weight faster than exploding ?!
6. They are easy to put disguises, just make em hold a hot-dog and coke can on
the other hand and nobody will suspect hes carrying 1 ton. of dynamite unde r those XL double sized panties.
7. Fat is not sexy.
8. I hate that fat guy who sabotages The Jurassic Park in the movie.
9. They cause more damage when exploding due to their one million bodyparties
pieces flying all over the place.
10. Fat people cant have sex properly and life isnt worth without it.
As you can see, not using fat ppl as terrorists is a big waste of human material and could be a great advance to our decaying society.
I dont care if you are fat and is hating me now. Im not affraid of you, big
boy, cuz Im athletic and can run really fast to avoid those pizza spices you cathrow. Its not my fault if you are big, round and ugly.... go have some exercise and keep your fucking mouth shut.
Why do we hate our neighboors ?
Im sure you had complained about your neighboors at least once, unless you live at the top of a mountain in Tibet, but if you lived there you wouldnt be
reading this. Noise, fights and gossip....its all included in our beloved neighboorhoods, but thats life, you cant just start shooting in everybody to eliminate the whole society, cuz Swat would arrest you before that.
Even neighboor countries reflects the same feeling of street neighboorhood, look at Canada and Usa. Can both co-exist without dissing each other ?! The answer
is NO. First reason, iCEHOCKEY. Americans dont admit canucks are better than
them when its about scoring goals on skates on an ice arena. Second reason is
GEOGRAPHY, lemme demonstrate it....
--------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------* WORLD MAP VIEWED BY AN AMERICAN * * WORLD MAP VIEWED BY A CANADIAN *
--------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- usa * Hawaii is there, but in a minimal * sorry for drawing australia so small,
scale I still love you aussie ppl.
Well, but north-america is not the only continent to have rivals, look at England and France in Europe, or Brazil and Argentina in South-America. Did you ever
watch a soccer game between these countries ?! Believe me, its everything but
playing ball, a real bloody experience. History can tell a good part of this rivalry, but i dont know shit about world history just that Hitler and Napoleon were homo.
The fact is, competition is good but we dont have to nuke each other, right ?!I mean, i would nuke Argentina if I had a chance, cuz I dont like Maradonna that much i would save their chicks tho, but mass killing is an arabs hobby and
Im just a brazilian that talks too much. Shoot me!
*** ADVERTISEMENT TIME ***
----------------------------------------------------------- Tired of having to stop drawing to use the toilet ? Tired of having a break to eat while drawing ? WE HAVE THE SOLUTION YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR... ANSI ADVENTURE Co. presents ANSI-O-MATIC MULTI-TASK PERSONAL ASSISTANT tm The best technology for the best ansi artists + No batteries needed + Clean up function + Optional masturbation mode - plus 5.00 + Brushes your teeth, changes your clothes, cooks meal + Spanks your m0m + User customized windows / linux + Colors White/Red - Black/Yellow - Red/Green CALL NOW FOR THIS VERY SPECIAL OFFER: * 1-800-ANSI-O-MATIC * +-----------------------------------------------------------+ *** only *** cereal this was another high quality product brought to you by our sponsor: - * We are happy when you are eleet * Call us: 1-800-ANSI-4-EVER ADVENTURE CO. www.ansiadventure.org - since 1991
*** END OF ADVERTISEMENT ***
Get the chick tutorial
You have seen thousands of ansi tutorials, shading, outlines, logo... Ansi artists dont need ansi tutorials anymore, they need to have some SEX and I am hereto show you how to get laid cuz I care about you plus masturbation kills .
1st.step: Take a shower, bro. Hygiene is your friend.
2nd.step: Lose your stinkin clothes. Doesnt matter what you will wear next jus t make sure its clean.
3rd.step: I SAID CLEAN!!!!@ IT INCLUDES YOUR UNDERCLOTHES!@
4th.step: You are fresh and clean now, get ready to hit the street, but you nee d some money. Put a mass dose of soothing on your dads orange juice and get al l the money in his wallet just in case you have a drivers license, dont forg et the car keys
5th.step: Find a hot spot to hunt the h0t babies. A disco is a nice place to st art.
6th.step: If you followed all the past steps correctly, you may be inside the
disco now. If you didnt, I feel really sorry for you. Right, you need to get
some attention in that place, order a Crystal bottle at the bar and put it on t he nearest table of the dancefloor.
7th.step: Dont drink too fast, you idiot. You wont get any if you get drunk.
Stand in front of your table and dance like you own the fucking place, yeah...
feel like a real ladies man.
8th.step: At this moment, a lot of chicks may be around your table wanting to
chat with you. Keep the pose, remember, never tell em the truth, they like when you lie. Pretend to be rich and talk about the ferrari you just bought and how
funny was snowboarding at Everest.
9th: In this step, one of the girls should be really interested on the money yo u pretend to have. We hope shes good looking, if not...its just sex, put a pi llow on her face and bring it on.
10th.: congratulations, you made it. You had SEX. You are the first ansi artist to copulate since 1991. Oh, I forgot to tell... You used condom, didnt you ?!
Man, you wouldnt be that stupid... hmm, I guess you would.
As tradition demands, every issue needs to pay tribute to someone important
in the ansi scene and we are proud to introduce to you our honored... ------------------------------------------------------------------------
caphood * fever
issue 000 issue 001
* About *
What can be told about this outstanding artist? Fevers artwork amazes everybody in each release with an unique style. Doesnt matter if its paper or ansi, this guy always bring the best through his art.
Congratulations! You made it, but we still have a surprise for you, Aaron. You
just won a one year supply of SPAM emails, wich will be sent to your current email account asap.
Well, still following the tradition, fever had to donate something to representhim in our GALLERY...
fever gifted us with a photo of his chest !!! Good job, Aaron. Keep taking those hormonies.
Do you know someone who deserves to be here too? Drop me a mail and tell me
why your nominated should be here. hotbump@hotmail.com
* Domination *
@ Mail Call @
Wtf ?! You should take some english classes before creating this trash called
bump. Get a life, jungle boy.
Steve - Dingle, Ireland
Woa, I never met someone from Brazil. Buenos Aires should be a nice place in th e summer. I may visit your beautiful country next year.
Simone - Detroit, Usa
*reply*
Im happy you like Brazil that much and you are welcome to visit us, bu
t i must advise you that Buenos Aires is located in Argentina.
The editor - bump
I think you are so sexy and I really want to see you again. You made me feel li ke a real woman last night, cant wait til next time...
*** sorry, this email was taken from my personal mailbox by mistake
The editor - bump
Watch out, bastard. We dont like foreigners telling stupid jokes, you better
shut up your fucking mouth if you dont wanna get shot. We are warnning you for the last time, dont mess with us.
The Red Skull Squad - 2hot4you
*reply*
Ok. I really appreciate your feedback. Im moving to Alaska today.
The editor - bump
Suggestions, comments and offenses should be e-mailed to hotbump@hotmail.com
Top 10 rumors
+ Aesthetic, founder of Sense ansi group, despite of his busy life as dj, foundtime to follow career as an athlet. Hes taking daily swimming lessons with olympic gold winner Ian Thorpe and we hope to see him in Athens 2004.
+ Avg, famous logo artist from Australia, has also initiated a sport dedicated
life, trainning with Patrick Rafter for the next Davis Cup. He will compete under the croatian flag due to its variety of colors.
+ Taintedx, ex-glue, ex-ice and million others groups, was seen hanging out with famous popstar Avril Lavigne in Quebec. Tnt speaks french fluently and looks
likes he has a special preference for hairy girls.
+ Other canadian ansi artists been around MTVs backstages following his fav.
band NickelBack. Im talking about Catch22, glue founder, who is giving up his
job as a cop to join the mentioned band as a drummer.
+ Cleaner, mjd president, is leading a 10 days workers strike in France. They
demand better soccer games on local TV, including games from brazils national
championship.
+ Fire From Heaven, iCE ansi artist, is moving to somewhere in Asia. He says
he will have more chance with the chicks there.
+ Velodrome, sense ansi artist, was arrested yesterday in Amsterdan. He told the local police that he had no clue of who belonged those 500kgs of weed found under his bed.
+ If you live in Sweden and dont have time to walk daily with your dog, make
sure to contat Sephiroth, sadist president. Hes always walking with his puppy
when not drawing ansi and loves to help ppl.
+ Bym and ZeusII, both from Sweden, have been in a world tour sponsered by Eletronic Arts game company, to demonstrate its newest game TheSims On-line. Next
stop will be in Melbourne, Australia.
+ Trip, iCE ansi division coord., will show his wonderful mansion at Malibu in
the next MTV Cribs. He may spend a part of his 11,000,000 prize, he won in the
lottery last year, to buy a really cool pink Bentley.
* End of Masturbation *
Final words with no class
Alright, that was too much for a single issue, considering I do everthing here,from art to lame jokes. I liked the result tho and you should too, or Im gonna
poison your x-mas night turkey meal.
Have a rad XMAS and make sure to look for bump 002 release next week, even more stupid than 001.
enzo the editor
hotbump@hotmail.com
bump e-mag c 2002 by enzo. All rights reserved. hahaha, fear me
*** official irc channel ans efnet
*** world hq piranha telnet to: piranha.zapto.org
*** e-mail hotbump@hotmail.com
EOF - 400lines total
------------------- - - ------------------------------------------,. bump issue 001 - We are back to kick ass - 12/17/2002.,----------------- --- - -- ---------------------------------------- contat: hotbump@hotmail.com
* Masturbation *
Hey, Im back with bump 001 and so excited about the feedback of the very first issue 000. David Letterman called me this morning to book an interview withme, cuz he was impressed with the 1,000,000 gets the first issue got on IRC fileserver. Well, Im not sure if i can handle all the lust you get when you are famous, but i take the chicks and the limousines part in consideration.
Be my guest and I challenge you to read all the file, cuz im pretty sure nobody did it in the zero issue.
* Anihilation *
Fat Terrorism
Terrorism is really bad...but do you know what annoys me ?! The fact of there
are not FAT terrorists, what should be considered a prejudice, which is as bad as terrorism, cuz ppl cant be judged by their size. My theory only reflects howthose fucking terrorist leaders are stupid , like, fat ppl can carry a lot more
explosives than other ppl... What are they affraid of ??! That the fat fellas eat all that tnt or drink the nitro ?! I dont think so, cuz it would affect theirstomach seriously and the stomach is the only bodypart a fat person cares to mantain functional the mouth aswell.
So, as a reminder to all terrorism network in the world, and I know a lot of members are reading this now we have millions readers in Iraq and Afegahnistan,RECRUIT FAT PPL for 10 reasons:
1. Using them as human bombers will save some percentage of the worlds food
stockpile.
2. If they explode, it wont be necessary to burry em in those fucking large
woody cofins. Do you know how many trees are used to build that ?!
3. They are dumber than normal ppl, so recruiting em will not be a hard task... Like: If i give you this ice cream, would you wear this nice C4 vest ?
4. Fat ppl dont fit the fashion standards and are the best targets for jokes.
Using em as human bombers would benefit themselves, cuz ppl will start jokin g about fat ppl exploding, not only about fat ppl.
5. Do you know a way to lose weight faster than exploding ?!
6. They are easy to put disguises, just make em hold a hot-dog and coke can on
the other hand and nobody will suspect hes carrying 1 ton. of dynamite unde r those XL double sized panties.
7. Fat is not sexy.
8. I hate that fat guy who sabotages The Jurassic Park in the movie.
9. They cause more damage when exploding due to their one million bodyparties
pieces flying all over the place.
10. Fat people cant have sex properly and life isnt worth without it.
As you can see, not using fat ppl as terrorists is a big waste of human material and could be a great advance to our decaying society.
I dont care if you are fat and is hating me now. Im not affraid of you, big
boy, cuz Im athletic and can run really fast to avoid those pizza spices you cathrow. Its not my fault if you are big, round and ugly.... go have some exercise and keep your fucking mouth shut.
Why do we hate our neighboors ?
Im sure you had complained about your neighboors at least once, unless you live at the top of a mountain in Tibet, but if you lived there you wouldnt be
reading this. Noise, fights and gossip....its all included in our beloved neighboorhoods, but thats life, you cant just start shooting in everybody to eliminate the whole society, cuz Swat would arrest you before that.
Even neighboor countries reflects the same feeling of street neighboorhood, look at Canada and Usa. Can both co-exist without dissing each other ?! The answer
is NO. First reason, iCEHOCKEY. Americans dont admit canucks are better than
them when its about scoring goals on skates on an ice arena. Second reason is
GEOGRAPHY, lemme demonstrate it....
--------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------* WORLD MAP VIEWED BY AN AMERICAN * * WORLD MAP VIEWED BY A CANADIAN *
--------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- usa * Hawaii is there, but in a minimal * sorry for drawing australia so small,
scale I still love you aussie ppl.
Well, but north-america is not the only continent to have rivals, look at England and France in Europe, or Brazil and Argentina in South-America. Did you ever
watch a soccer game between these countries ?! Believe me, its everything but
playing ball, a real bloody experience. History can tell a good part of this rivalry, but i dont know shit about world history just that Hitler and Napoleon were homo.
The fact is, competition is good but we dont have to nuke each other, right ?!I mean, i would nuke Argentina if I had a chance, cuz I dont like Maradonna that much i would save their chicks tho, but mass killing is an arabs hobby and
Im just a brazilian that talks too much. Shoot me!
*** ADVERTISEMENT TIME ***
----------------------------------------------------------- Tired of having to stop drawing to use the toilet ? Tired of having a break to eat while drawing ? WE HAVE THE SOLUTION YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR... ANSI ADVENTURE Co. presents ANSI-O-MATIC MULTI-TASK PERSONAL ASSISTANT tm The best technology for the best ansi artists + No batteries needed + Clean up function + Optional masturbation mode - plus 5.00 + Brushes your teeth, changes your clothes, cooks meal + Spanks your m0m + User customized windows / linux + Colors White/Red - Black/Yellow - Red/Green CALL NOW FOR THIS VERY SPECIAL OFFER: * 1-800-ANSI-O-MATIC * +-----------------------------------------------------------+ *** only *** cereal this was another high quality product brought to you by our sponsor: - * We are happy when you are eleet * Call us: 1-800-ANSI-4-EVER ADVENTURE CO. www.ansiadventure.org - since 1991
*** END OF ADVERTISEMENT ***
Get the chick tutorial
You have seen thousands of ansi tutorials, shading, outlines, logo... Ansi artists dont need ansi tutorials anymore, they need to have some SEX and I am hereto show you how to get laid cuz I care about you plus masturbation kills .
1st.step: Take a shower, bro. Hygiene is your friend.
2nd.step: Lose your stinkin clothes. Doesnt matter what you will wear next jus t make sure its clean.
3rd.step: I SAID CLEAN!!!!@ IT INCLUDES YOUR UNDERCLOTHES!@
4th.step: You are fresh and clean now, get ready to hit the street, but you nee d some money. Put a mass dose of soothing on your dads orange juice and get al l the money in his wallet just in case you have a drivers license, dont forg et the car keys
5th.step: Find a hot spot to hunt the h0t babies. A disco is a nice place to st art.
6th.step: If you followed all the past steps correctly, you may be inside the
disco now. If you didnt, I feel really sorry for you. Right, you need to get
some attention in that place, order a Crystal bottle at the bar and put it on t he nearest table of the dancefloor.
7th.step: Dont drink too fast, you idiot. You wont get any if you get drunk.
Stand in front of your table and dance like you own the fucking place, yeah...
feel like a real ladies man.
8th.step: At this moment, a lot of chicks may be around your table wanting to
chat with you. Keep the pose, remember, never tell em the truth, they like when you lie. Pretend to be rich and talk about the ferrari you just bought and how
funny was snowboarding at Everest.
9th: In this step, one of the girls should be really interested on the money yo u pretend to have. We hope shes good looking, if not...its just sex, put a pi llow on her face and bring it on.
10th.: congratulations, you made it. You had SEX. You are the first ansi artist to copulate since 1991. Oh, I forgot to tell... You used condom, didnt you ?!
Man, you wouldnt be that stupid... hmm, I guess you would.
As tradition demands, every issue needs to pay tribute to someone important
in the ansi scene and we are proud to introduce to you our honored... ------------------------------------------------------------------------
caphood * fever
issue 000 issue 001
* About *
What can be told about this outstanding artist? Fevers artwork amazes everybody in each release with an unique style. Doesnt matter if its paper or ansi, this guy always bring the best through his art.
Congratulations! You made it, but we still have a surprise for you, Aaron. You
just won a one year supply of SPAM emails, wich will be sent to your current email account asap.
Well, still following the tradition, fever had to donate something to representhim in our GALLERY...
fever gifted us with a photo of his chest !!! Good job, Aaron. Keep taking those hormonies.
Do you know someone who deserves to be here too? Drop me a mail and tell me
why your nominated should be here. hotbump@hotmail.com
* Domination *
@ Mail Call @
Wtf ?! You should take some english classes before creating this trash called
bump. Get a life, jungle boy.
Steve - Dingle, Ireland
Woa, I never met someone from Brazil. Buenos Aires should be a nice place in th e summer. I may visit your beautiful country next year.
Simone - Detroit, Usa
*reply*
Im happy you like Brazil that much and you are welcome to visit us, bu
t i must advise you that Buenos Aires is located in Argentina.
The editor - bump
I think you are so sexy and I really want to see you again. You made me feel li ke a real woman last night, cant wait til next time...
*** sorry, this email was taken from my personal mailbox by mistake
The editor - bump
Watch out, bastard. We dont like foreigners telling stupid jokes, you better
shut up your fucking mouth if you dont wanna get shot. We are warnning you for the last time, dont mess with us.
The Red Skull Squad - 2hot4you
*reply*
Ok. I really appreciate your feedback. Im moving to Alaska today.
The editor - bump
Suggestions, comments and offenses should be e-mailed to hotbump@hotmail.com
Top 10 rumors
+ Aesthetic, founder of Sense ansi group, despite of his busy life as dj, foundtime to follow career as an athlet. Hes taking daily swimming lessons with olympic gold winner Ian Thorpe and we hope to see him in Athens 2004.
+ Avg, famous logo artist from Australia, has also initiated a sport dedicated
life, trainning with Patrick Rafter for the next Davis Cup. He will compete under the croatian flag due to its variety of colors.
+ Taintedx, ex-glue, ex-ice and million others groups, was seen hanging out with famous popstar Avril Lavigne in Quebec. Tnt speaks french fluently and looks
likes he has a special preference for hairy girls.
+ Other canadian ansi artists been around MTVs backstages following his fav.
band NickelBack. Im talking about Catch22, glue founder, who is giving up his
job as a cop to join the mentioned band as a drummer.
+ Cleaner, mjd president, is leading a 10 days workers strike in France. They
demand better soccer games on local TV, including games from brazils national
championship.
+ Fire From Heaven, iCE ansi artist, is moving to somewhere in Asia. He says
he will have more chance with the chicks there.
+ Velodrome, sense ansi artist, was arrested yesterday in Amsterdan. He told the local police that he had no clue of who belonged those 500kgs of weed found under his bed.
+ If you live in Sweden and dont have time to walk daily with your dog, make
sure to contat Sephiroth, sadist president. Hes always walking with his puppy
when not drawing ansi and loves to help ppl.
+ Bym and ZeusII, both from Sweden, have been in a world tour sponsered by Eletronic Arts game company, to demonstrate its newest game TheSims On-line. Next
stop will be in Melbourne, Australia.
+ Trip, iCE ansi division coord., will show his wonderful mansion at Malibu in
the next MTV Cribs. He may spend a part of his 11,000,000 prize, he won in the
lottery last year, to buy a really cool pink Bentley.
* End of Masturbation *
Final words with no class
Alright, that was too much for a single issue, considering I do everthing here,from art to lame jokes. I liked the result tho and you should too, or Im gonna
poison your x-mas night turkey meal.
Have a rad XMAS and make sure to look for bump 002 release next week, even more stupid than 001.
enzo the editor
hotbump@hotmail.com
bump e-mag c 2002 by enzo. All rights reserved. hahaha, fear me
*** official irc channel ans efnet
*** world hq piranha telnet to: piranha.zapto.org
*** e-mail hotbump@hotmail.com
EOF - 400lines total
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