some guy I know sent this to me... h0h0h0... >>For anyone that has spent just a few too many hours in #hotsex on IRC... >> >>Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as >>"cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared >>through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll >>see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript >>of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. >>Then again, maybe he does... >> >>Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? >> >>Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high >>heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements >>are 36-24-36. What do you look like? >> >>Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on >>a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also >>wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from >>dinner...it smells funny. >> >>Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me? >> >>Wellhung: OK >> >>Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the >>stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into >>your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and >>begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. >> >>Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. >> >>Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly. >> >>Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk >>slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and >>rubbing. >> >>Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a >>hole in your blouse.I'm sorry. >> >>Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive. >> >>Wellhung: I'll pay for it. >> >>Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft >>breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder. >> >>Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. >>Do you have any scissors? >> >>Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back >>undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my >>breasts. My nipples are erect for you. >> >>Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting >>the clasp. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your >>tongue all over me. >> >>Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, >>breasts. They're neat! >> >> >>Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm >>nibbling your ear. >> >>Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and >>phlegm. >> >>Sweetheart: What? >> >>Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of >>my blouse. >> >>Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with >>a plop. >> >>Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your >>hard tool. >> >>Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee! >> >>Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties. >> >>Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, >>in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute. >> >>Sweetheart: What's the matter? >> >>Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking. >> >>Sweetheart: Are you OK? >> >>Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red. >> >>Sweetheart: Can I help? >> >>Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling >>through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups? >> >>Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink. >> >>Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better. >> >>Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover. >> >>Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you. >> >>Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. >>And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. >>Where's the bedroom? >> >>Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall. >> >>Wellhung: I found it. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so >>badly. >> >>Wellhung: Me too. >> >>Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked >>bodies pressing each other. >> >>Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. >> >>Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses? >> >>Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the >>glasses on the night table. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! >> >>Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room >>and toward the bathroom. >> >>Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover. >> >>Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for >>the toilet. I lift the lid. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return. >> >>Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, >>but I can't find it. Uh-oh! >> >>Sweetheart: What's the matter now? >> >>Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. >>Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my >>way. >> >>Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on. >> >>Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in >>your...you know...woman's thing. >>Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it! >> >>Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss >>your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand >>it another second! Slide in! Screw me now! >> >>Wellhung: I'm flaccid. >> >>Sweetheart: What? >> >>Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look >>on my face. >> >>Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all >>floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong. >> >>Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my >>underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse. >> >>Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. >>I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, >>picture frames and your candles. >> >>Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes. >> >>Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of >>our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing >>at it, a shocked look on my face. >> >>Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser! >> >> >>Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! >> >>Sweetheart: happy new year, doodlewhores! -meatpod