some guy I know sent this to me... h0h0h0...
For anyone that has spent just a few too many hours in hotsex on IRC...
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as
cybersex. Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared
through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as youll
see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript
of an online chat doesnt seem to quite get the point of cyber sex.
Then again, maybe he does...
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
heels. I work out every day, Im toned and perfect. My measurements
are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: Im 63 and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on
a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.Im also
wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from
dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: Were in my bedroom.Theres soft music playing on the
stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.Im looking up into
your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and
begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: Im gulping, Im beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: Im pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now Im unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: Im moaning softly.
Wellhung: Im taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: Im throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk
slides off my warm skin.Im rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and
rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
hole in your blouse.Im sorry.
Sweetheart: Thats OK, it wasnt really too expensive.
Wellhung: Ill pay for it.
Sweetheart: Dont worry about it.Im wearing a lacy black bra.My soft
breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: Im fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think its stuck.
Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.Im reaching back
undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my
breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? Im picking up the bra and inspecting
the clasp.
Sweetheart: Im arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
tongue all over me.
Wellhung: Im dropping the bra. Now Im licking your, you know,
breasts. Theyre neat!
Sweetheart: Im running my fingers through your hair. Now Im
nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: Im so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: Im wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
my blouse.
Wellhung: Im taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with
a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. Im pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
hard tool.
Wellhung: Im screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: Im pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: Im pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,
in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: Whats the matter?
Wellhung: Ive got a pubic hair caught in my throat. Im choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: Im having a coughing fit. Im turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: Im running to the kitchen, choking wildly. Im fumbling
through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: Im drinking a cup of water. There, thats better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: Im washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: Im on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: Im drying the cup. Now Im putting it back in the cabinet.
And now Im walking back to the bedroom. Wait, its dark, Im lost.
Wheres the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: Im tuggin off your pants. Im moaning. I want you so
badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked
bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why dont you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I cant see very well without them. I place the
glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: Im bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. Im fumbling my way blindly across the room
and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and its dark. Im feeling around for
the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: Im waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: Im done going. Im feeling around for the flush handle,
but I cant find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: Whats the matter now?
Wellhung: Ive realized that Ive peed into your laundry hamper.
Sorry again. Im walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my
way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now Im going to put my...you know ...thing...in
your...you know...womans thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: Im touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
your neck. Umm, Im having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: Im moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I cant stand
it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: Im flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: Im limp. I cant sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: Im standing up and turning around an incredulous look
on my face.
Wellhung: Im shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
floppy. Im going to get my glasses and see whats wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. Im getting dressed. Im putting on my
underwear. Now Im putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now Im squinting, trying to find the night table.
Im feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,
picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: Im buttoning my blouse. Now Im putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: Ive found my glasses. Im putting them on. My God! One of
our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! Im pointing
at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. Im logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: logged off
happy new year, doodlewhores!
-meatpod
For anyone that has spent just a few too many hours in hotsex on IRC...
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as
cybersex. Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared
through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as youll
see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript
of an online chat doesnt seem to quite get the point of cyber sex.
Then again, maybe he does...
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
heels. I work out every day, Im toned and perfect. My measurements
are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: Im 63 and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on
a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.Im also
wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from
dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: Were in my bedroom.Theres soft music playing on the
stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.Im looking up into
your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and
begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: Im gulping, Im beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: Im pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now Im unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: Im moaning softly.
Wellhung: Im taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: Im throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk
slides off my warm skin.Im rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and
rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
hole in your blouse.Im sorry.
Sweetheart: Thats OK, it wasnt really too expensive.
Wellhung: Ill pay for it.
Sweetheart: Dont worry about it.Im wearing a lacy black bra.My soft
breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: Im fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think its stuck.
Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.Im reaching back
undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my
breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? Im picking up the bra and inspecting
the clasp.
Sweetheart: Im arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
tongue all over me.
Wellhung: Im dropping the bra. Now Im licking your, you know,
breasts. Theyre neat!
Sweetheart: Im running my fingers through your hair. Now Im
nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: Im so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: Im wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
my blouse.
Wellhung: Im taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with
a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. Im pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
hard tool.
Wellhung: Im screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: Im pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: Im pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,
in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: Whats the matter?
Wellhung: Ive got a pubic hair caught in my throat. Im choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: Im having a coughing fit. Im turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: Im running to the kitchen, choking wildly. Im fumbling
through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: Im drinking a cup of water. There, thats better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: Im washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: Im on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: Im drying the cup. Now Im putting it back in the cabinet.
And now Im walking back to the bedroom. Wait, its dark, Im lost.
Wheres the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: Im tuggin off your pants. Im moaning. I want you so
badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked
bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why dont you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I cant see very well without them. I place the
glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: Im bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. Im fumbling my way blindly across the room
and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and its dark. Im feeling around for
the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: Im waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: Im done going. Im feeling around for the flush handle,
but I cant find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: Whats the matter now?
Wellhung: Ive realized that Ive peed into your laundry hamper.
Sorry again. Im walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my
way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now Im going to put my...you know ...thing...in
your...you know...womans thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: Im touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
your neck. Umm, Im having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: Im moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I cant stand
it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: Im flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: Im limp. I cant sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: Im standing up and turning around an incredulous look
on my face.
Wellhung: Im shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
floppy. Im going to get my glasses and see whats wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. Im getting dressed. Im putting on my
underwear. Now Im putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now Im squinting, trying to find the night table.
Im feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,
picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: Im buttoning my blouse. Now Im putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: Ive found my glasses. Im putting them on. My God! One of
our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! Im pointing
at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. Im logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: logged off
happy new year, doodlewhores!
-meatpod
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