The Canonical List of Dead Baby Jokes ===================================== Revision History 05 Jan 93 - initial release of someone elses list and my changes 02 Feb 93 - additions Mini Table of Contents 1) Introduction and PS 2) The LIST --------------------------------------------------------------------------- INTRODUCTION ------------ The following is a list of Dead Baby jokes, which I picked up and expanded on, with some reordering to remove some of my duplicates, and show different versions of questions and answers. Format: 1) Different versions of the same question or answer are listed together in a single questions/answer set, as Q1, Q2, Q3 or A1, A2, A3... 2) Non-related jokes are separated by a line with "----------" Thanks to those of you who started this list (several times over) and those who continue to contribute. WARNING: some of these jokes are considered "semi-x-rated" please take this into consideration when distributing this list PS. To add to the list, please send me your jokes, and they will be added as quickly as I am able. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Canonical List of Dead Baby Jokes ( Sorry, but they had to be told! OK, I'm NOT sorry!!!! ) * Warning, if you are easily offended by Dead Baby Jokes, DON'T read any further. ---------- Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool? A: A baby with slashed floaties. Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool? A: The same baby three weeks later. ---------- Q: What's red and sits in a highchair? A: A baby eating razor-blades. ---------- Q: What is red and white and squirms in the corner? A: Dead Baby playing with razor blades. Q: What is red, white and green and sits in a corner? A: Same baby 3 weeks later. Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A: A baby playing in a plastic bag. Q: What's blue and sits in the corner? A1: Baby in a cellophane bag. A2: Dead Baby playing with saranwrap. Q: What is green and sits in the corner? A: Same dead baby two weeks later! ---------- Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A1: Fill a glass with root beer, and add a scoop of ice cream and a scoop of dead baby. A2: One glass of Root Beer and two scoops of baby. (If on a diet use only one scoop) A3: Add 8 ounces of Coke-Cola with 2 scoops of dead baby. A4: Take your foot off its head. Q: And where did you get these babies? A: Abortion Clinic. Q: (At Abortion clinic) "Boy, what are these people doing? I can't get in because they block my way. I want my float!" A: They are pro-life people. They don't like sweet stuffs. ---------- Q1: What's red and white and bubbles all over? Q2: What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window? Q3. What is brown and taps on a window? Q4: What's pink and red and bangs on the window ? Q5: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass? A: A baby in the microwave. Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass every ten seconds? A: Dead baby in a carousel microwave! (works best if told while in a swivel chair) ---------- Q1: What is red and swings back and forth? Q2: What's pink and red and sways back and forth, back and forth...? Q3: What's red and hangs four feet off the floor? A: Dead baby on a meathook. ---------- Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage? A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead! (damn elephants get into everything!) ---------- Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead. Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala. Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go. Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it. Q: What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall? A: Pulling them off. ---------- Q1: What's red and white and goes 'round and 'round? Q2: What goes red white, red red, white white red...? Q3: What is pink and red and goes round and round? Q4: What's pink and with a flick of a switch turns red? Q5: What's red and chunky and travels, in a circle, at 190 mph ? A: A baby in a blender Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first? A: So you can see the expression on its face! Q1: How do you get 1000 dead babies in a phone booth? Q2: How do you get 10 dead babies into a tupperware bowl? A1: La' Machine! A2: Use a blender Q: How do you get it out? A: With a straw! ---------- Q: What is worse than a dead baby in a garbage can? A: Ten dead babies in a garbage can. Q: What is worse than 10 dead babies in a garbage can? A: One dead baby in a ten garbage cans. ---------- Q: What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass? A: Make a coffee table. ---------- Q: What is easier to unload, a truck full of Dead Babies or a truck full of bowling balls? A: Dead Babies, you can use a pitchfork Q: What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck load of bricks? A: You can't use a pitchfork on bricks. Q: What's the difference between a barrel of water and a barrel of babies? A: You can't shovel water with a pitchfork. Q: How do you load 100 screaming babies onto a truck? A: A pitchfork. Q: How do you unload a truck full of babies? A: With a pitchfork. Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? A: So you can tell which ones are still alive. Q: What's this? (hold arms out and shake them) A: A live one. Q: How do you know when you hit a live one? A: The pitchfork shakes Q: How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones? A: Jab 'em all with a pitchfork. Q: What is worse than that? A: At the bottom of the pile, there was one trying to eat its way out Q: What is worse than that? A: It made it Q: What is worse than that? A: It went back for seconds! ---------- Q: What is worse than running a baby over with a car? A: Getting it out of the tires. ---------- Q: How is a baby like a grape? A: They both give a little wine when you squish them. ---------- Q: What's small, red, and can't turn around in corridors? A: A baby with a javelin through its head. ---------- Q: What does a dingo call a baby in a pram? A: Meals on wheels. ---------- Q: What is pink, and with the flick of a switch, goes black? A: A baby playing with a powerpoint. ---------- Q: What's black and furry and crawls across WA? A: A baby covered in Funnel-Web spiders. (ed. someone want to explain this to me?) ---------- Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room? A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw. ---------- Q: What's red, sits in the front of mirror, and gets smaller and smaller? A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler. ---------- Q: What's the proper gift for a dead baby? A: A dead puppy. ---------- Q: What is red and crawls up your leg? A: A homesick abortion! ---------- Q: What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls? A: A baby with forks in its eyes. ---------- Q: What is red and hangs around in trees? A: A baby that was hit by a snow thrower. Q: What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn? A: A baby run over by a lawn mower. Q: What's red, white and green and is spread all over the lawn? A: Same baby, two months later. ---------- Q: Why don't dead babies drive BMWs? A: Because BMW jokes are almost as old as dead baby jokes! Sheish!! Get a life, why don't you?! ---------- Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------