THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO COWS -- AS YOUVE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE!
Compiled NOT drawn by: ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU Eric W. Tilenius
Last update: Jan. 3, 1988 -- Send any contributions to above address.
oo oo oo oo
* ---- * W--- * w--- * V---
Cow Cow laden Same cow Betty Ford-type
with milk after milking cow with milk
o o o o o o o o
/ O / O O / -+O
* ,--- * @-- ,--- * ,----
Bull Same bull after Rotc bull after Red-blooded American
-Bull
seeing above cow seeing other bull shooting the Rotc bull
oo oo oo oo
Cow munching Grass munching Cow in water Cow in trouble
on grass on cow
oo oo oo oo
/--------/ /-oooooo-/ -------/ -------/
* o * ooooooooo o o /
---- ooooooooooooo ----/-----
ooo ooooooooooooooooo
Cow taking Cow in deep Cow getting the shit
shit shit kicked out of her
oo U
/-------/ /---V
Cow at 1 meter. Cow at 100 meters. Cow at 10,000 meters.
vv vv
oo oo ---- *
* ---- / ---- oo
vv vv
American Cow Polish Cow Australian Cow
oo oo ---oo
Freshman Cow Freshman Cow Freshman Cow
Arriving at Rit After the Freshman 15 After the Freshman 20
OO @@ xx
Cow who drank Jolt Cow who ate Cow who used Jolt to wash
psychadelic mushrooms down psychadelic mushrooms
oo Meet our great leader!
M M OOOO OOOO
MM MM O O O O
M M M M O O O O
M M M O O O O
M M O O O O
M M OOOO OOOO
SooS oo / oo
This cow belonged Ben Franklin owned Abe Lincolns
to George Washington this cow cow
* oo
oo /------/
Old One Arm belonged This cow was given to
to Ceasars Palace Hugh Hefner for his Birthday
O oo oo
/ V
The cyclops that Jason and This cow lived with
the Argonauts met had this cow Dr. Doolittle
@o
/ / / oo
This cow belonged This cow lived with This cow belonged to
to Flash Gordon the Little Rascals the Headless Horseman
The following three cows were supposed to be appearing with the
Celebrity Cows pictured above... However, I found out that they
were sitting around a bar getting drunk discussing what exactly
is art. The cows conclusion: Art is a bunch of Bulls.
Sorry, but I couldnt resist,
Hawk, Sesquipedalianite
and Head of Heffer Control.
oo o o O O
This cow belonged This was Salvatore No one was sure whether
to Pablo Picasso Dalis favorite cow M.C. Eschers cow had
four legs or eight
Seeing as how it is Spring Break Season, I thought I would share
with you some Vacation Ideas for any of you Cows out there on the
Net who dont know where to go for some fun.
- Steve Hawk Schultz
Head of Heifer Control
Well, first of all, there are theme parks and historic sites:
OO /
oo oo
Cow at Disneyland Cow visiting the Statue of Liberty
Theres the fun and warmth of the southwest:
oo
Cow Hanging Ten at Malibu
And on the other coast, while the water might be a little chilly up
north, it is still exciting:
/ oo
Cow swimming at Amityville
Where Jaws was filmed, for those less educated
For those who believe in Winter Wonderlands, the Rockies present
excitement galore:
oo
Cow skiing a Black Diamond at Aspen
And of course, the traditional Spring Break spot, where you can go for
expensive beer and cheap sex:
DD /----
* ---- Cow sunning at Fort Lauderdale
What a bod, huh guys?
Cow chugging brews and staring at
sunbathers at Fort Lauderdale
Or, for those who have trouble picking up members of the opposite sex:
O O O O
DD +--------+//
Cow fantasizing about Riding the Mechanical Bull
at Gillies in Texas
Disclaimer: If these have offended anyone, I apologize, not
whole-heartedly,
but I do apologize. I mean, what do you expect from a bunch
of cows???
oo
This cow plays bagpipes.
From: eric@snark.UUCP Eric S. Raymond
/ 666 / /
Satanic cow This cow is a Yuppie Cow in love
From: thomas@leah.Albany.Edu Thomas Barry
oo oo
Stretch Cow
Cow in Argyle *
/ 00 / /
Cow in Heat
/--------00
Cow Chewing Marbles
From: Anonymous name withheld upon request
o o
/ O oo
/ /--------/ Where did that camera come from!
/oo /
From: ihnp4!decvax!savax!sii!siia!kgg Kenneth G. Goutal
Thanks very much for distributing your cow canon.
I got a copy via a friend who has access to netnews, which I do not.
I ran off a copy to send to some friends who recently moved away,
to a suburb of Detroit, and are not on the net at all.
I thought they should have some cows appropriate to their locale.
Herewith are my apocryphal cows:
oo
OO OO
Detroit cow
o oo
OO OO
Mustang cow
oo
OO OO
pickup cow
oo
OO OO
li-moo-cow
oo
OO OO
fastback cow
OO
teenagers cow
The following has nothing to do with Detroit,
but surely belongs among the canonical cows:
oo
holy cow
- ERIC -
BITNET:ewtileni@pucc ARPA:ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU ColorVenture
28 responses
Feb27/88 12:07
34:1 hyc: Dont blame me, Dean forwarded the message to me!
Feb27/88 12:11
34:2 Suzanne Capitalist Pig: Cow cute, such bulloney.
Feb27/88 12:21
34:3 Suzanne Capitalist Pig:
oo
Cow after T-day
OO
----- 00
mm mm
Compu-cow, with mouse
Feb27/88 13:39
34:4 Rod Johnson: ACK!
Feb27/88 15:48
34:5 Greg Diamond: Well, thats the first Polish joke Ive seen in quite
awhile.
Some of these are rollers. Why doesnt the T-Day cow have any question
marks, Cap-Pig?
Feb27/88 17:52
34:6 Suzanne Capitalist Pig: Because some fool plannerperson ran her
through the translator...twice.
Feb27/88 23:29
34:7 Suzanne Capitalist Pig: And the cows are almost cooing....
Feb28/88 12:31
34:8 John Lawler: Im totally cowed.
Feb28/88 13:15
34:9 Erna-Lynne: Well, they certainly milked that genre for all it was
worth.
Feb28/88 13:56
34:10 Deborah: Not as dis-graze-ful as you think : lets have an udder.
Feb28/88 14:44
34:11 Ben: Oh, please. Havent we herd enough of this? Im really not in
the mooed for any more...please.
Feb28/88 15:18
34:12 Erna-Lynne: Ben! Butt out! The discussion afterwards is calf the
-fun.
Feb28/88 16:27
34:13 Ben: I dont cow-tow to that kind of pressure, Erna-Lynn.
-Especially
from you people, who will pun till you die, bison or by moon.
Feb28/88 17:08
34:14 Maya: If this goes on much longer, Rods going to have a cow.
Feb28/88 20:48
34:15 The Rev.: I cant think of anything to say.
Feb28/88 20:55
34:16 Suzanne Again: Never mind. The cow-estion is moot.
Feb28/88 23:52
34:17 hyc: Seems these folk want to keep ruminating over it.
Feb28/88 23:58
34:18 Erna-Lynne: Well, I cud-nt think of anything else to say either,
-Rev.
Feb29/88 09:43
34:19 Larry Moss: The whole thing makes me cower.
Feb29/88 09:50
34:20 Erna-Lynne: Well, youd better just hoof it out of here, then,
-Larry.
Feb29/88 10:04
34:21 David West: Did you just horn in to heifer chance to give Larry a
-bum
steer? Quit yakking before you get buffaloed, put on yer reeb ox and
stampede outa here!
Feb29/88 10:22
34:22 Erna-Lynne: Whoa, bossy!
Feb29/88 13:08
34:23 Linda: all this is just mooooo tuch.....?
Feb29/88 15:09
34:24 Greg Diamond: Am I to understand that someone has a beef with all
-this
bull? Why dont we steer the item into greener pastures?
Mar03/88 06:05
34:25 Mark: This whole discussion is causing me mental angus.
Mar03/88 09:51
34:26 David West: Then you should simply skim it.
Mar03/88 16:19
34:27 Ed Vielmetti: More like a flop, Id say.
Mar03/88 18:48
34:28 Larry Kostecke: 6:05??? Isnt that a bit pasture bedtime, Mark?
Compiled NOT drawn by: ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU Eric W. Tilenius
Last update: Jan. 3, 1988 -- Send any contributions to above address.
oo oo oo oo
* ---- * W--- * w--- * V---
Cow Cow laden Same cow Betty Ford-type
with milk after milking cow with milk
o o o o o o o o
/ O / O O / -+O
* ,--- * @-- ,--- * ,----
Bull Same bull after Rotc bull after Red-blooded American
-Bull
seeing above cow seeing other bull shooting the Rotc bull
oo oo oo oo
Cow munching Grass munching Cow in water Cow in trouble
on grass on cow
oo oo oo oo
/--------/ /-oooooo-/ -------/ -------/
* o * ooooooooo o o /
---- ooooooooooooo ----/-----
ooo ooooooooooooooooo
Cow taking Cow in deep Cow getting the shit
shit shit kicked out of her
oo U
/-------/ /---V
Cow at 1 meter. Cow at 100 meters. Cow at 10,000 meters.
vv vv
oo oo ---- *
* ---- / ---- oo
vv vv
American Cow Polish Cow Australian Cow
oo oo ---oo
Freshman Cow Freshman Cow Freshman Cow
Arriving at Rit After the Freshman 15 After the Freshman 20
OO @@ xx
Cow who drank Jolt Cow who ate Cow who used Jolt to wash
psychadelic mushrooms down psychadelic mushrooms
oo Meet our great leader!
M M OOOO OOOO
MM MM O O O O
M M M M O O O O
M M M O O O O
M M O O O O
M M OOOO OOOO
SooS oo / oo
This cow belonged Ben Franklin owned Abe Lincolns
to George Washington this cow cow
* oo
oo /------/
Old One Arm belonged This cow was given to
to Ceasars Palace Hugh Hefner for his Birthday
O oo oo
/ V
The cyclops that Jason and This cow lived with
the Argonauts met had this cow Dr. Doolittle
@o
/ / / oo
This cow belonged This cow lived with This cow belonged to
to Flash Gordon the Little Rascals the Headless Horseman
The following three cows were supposed to be appearing with the
Celebrity Cows pictured above... However, I found out that they
were sitting around a bar getting drunk discussing what exactly
is art. The cows conclusion: Art is a bunch of Bulls.
Sorry, but I couldnt resist,
Hawk, Sesquipedalianite
and Head of Heffer Control.
oo o o O O
This cow belonged This was Salvatore No one was sure whether
to Pablo Picasso Dalis favorite cow M.C. Eschers cow had
four legs or eight
Seeing as how it is Spring Break Season, I thought I would share
with you some Vacation Ideas for any of you Cows out there on the
Net who dont know where to go for some fun.
- Steve Hawk Schultz
Head of Heifer Control
Well, first of all, there are theme parks and historic sites:
OO /
oo oo
Cow at Disneyland Cow visiting the Statue of Liberty
Theres the fun and warmth of the southwest:
oo
Cow Hanging Ten at Malibu
And on the other coast, while the water might be a little chilly up
north, it is still exciting:
/ oo
Cow swimming at Amityville
Where Jaws was filmed, for those less educated
For those who believe in Winter Wonderlands, the Rockies present
excitement galore:
oo
Cow skiing a Black Diamond at Aspen
And of course, the traditional Spring Break spot, where you can go for
expensive beer and cheap sex:
DD /----
* ---- Cow sunning at Fort Lauderdale
What a bod, huh guys?
Cow chugging brews and staring at
sunbathers at Fort Lauderdale
Or, for those who have trouble picking up members of the opposite sex:
O O O O
DD +--------+//
Cow fantasizing about Riding the Mechanical Bull
at Gillies in Texas
Disclaimer: If these have offended anyone, I apologize, not
whole-heartedly,
but I do apologize. I mean, what do you expect from a bunch
of cows???
oo
This cow plays bagpipes.
From: eric@snark.UUCP Eric S. Raymond
/ 666 / /
Satanic cow This cow is a Yuppie Cow in love
From: thomas@leah.Albany.Edu Thomas Barry
oo oo
Stretch Cow
Cow in Argyle *
/ 00 / /
Cow in Heat
/--------00
Cow Chewing Marbles
From: Anonymous name withheld upon request
o o
/ O oo
/ /--------/ Where did that camera come from!
/oo /
From: ihnp4!decvax!savax!sii!siia!kgg Kenneth G. Goutal
Thanks very much for distributing your cow canon.
I got a copy via a friend who has access to netnews, which I do not.
I ran off a copy to send to some friends who recently moved away,
to a suburb of Detroit, and are not on the net at all.
I thought they should have some cows appropriate to their locale.
Herewith are my apocryphal cows:
oo
OO OO
Detroit cow
o oo
OO OO
Mustang cow
oo
OO OO
pickup cow
oo
OO OO
li-moo-cow
oo
OO OO
fastback cow
OO
teenagers cow
The following has nothing to do with Detroit,
but surely belongs among the canonical cows:
oo
holy cow
- ERIC -
BITNET:ewtileni@pucc ARPA:ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU ColorVenture
28 responses
Feb27/88 12:07
34:1 hyc: Dont blame me, Dean forwarded the message to me!
Feb27/88 12:11
34:2 Suzanne Capitalist Pig: Cow cute, such bulloney.
Feb27/88 12:21
34:3 Suzanne Capitalist Pig:
oo
Cow after T-day
OO
----- 00
mm mm
Compu-cow, with mouse
Feb27/88 13:39
34:4 Rod Johnson: ACK!
Feb27/88 15:48
34:5 Greg Diamond: Well, thats the first Polish joke Ive seen in quite
awhile.
Some of these are rollers. Why doesnt the T-Day cow have any question
marks, Cap-Pig?
Feb27/88 17:52
34:6 Suzanne Capitalist Pig: Because some fool plannerperson ran her
through the translator...twice.
Feb27/88 23:29
34:7 Suzanne Capitalist Pig: And the cows are almost cooing....
Feb28/88 12:31
34:8 John Lawler: Im totally cowed.
Feb28/88 13:15
34:9 Erna-Lynne: Well, they certainly milked that genre for all it was
worth.
Feb28/88 13:56
34:10 Deborah: Not as dis-graze-ful as you think : lets have an udder.
Feb28/88 14:44
34:11 Ben: Oh, please. Havent we herd enough of this? Im really not in
the mooed for any more...please.
Feb28/88 15:18
34:12 Erna-Lynne: Ben! Butt out! The discussion afterwards is calf the
-fun.
Feb28/88 16:27
34:13 Ben: I dont cow-tow to that kind of pressure, Erna-Lynn.
-Especially
from you people, who will pun till you die, bison or by moon.
Feb28/88 17:08
34:14 Maya: If this goes on much longer, Rods going to have a cow.
Feb28/88 20:48
34:15 The Rev.: I cant think of anything to say.
Feb28/88 20:55
34:16 Suzanne Again: Never mind. The cow-estion is moot.
Feb28/88 23:52
34:17 hyc: Seems these folk want to keep ruminating over it.
Feb28/88 23:58
34:18 Erna-Lynne: Well, I cud-nt think of anything else to say either,
-Rev.
Feb29/88 09:43
34:19 Larry Moss: The whole thing makes me cower.
Feb29/88 09:50
34:20 Erna-Lynne: Well, youd better just hoof it out of here, then,
-Larry.
Feb29/88 10:04
34:21 David West: Did you just horn in to heifer chance to give Larry a
-bum
steer? Quit yakking before you get buffaloed, put on yer reeb ox and
stampede outa here!
Feb29/88 10:22
34:22 Erna-Lynne: Whoa, bossy!
Feb29/88 13:08
34:23 Linda: all this is just mooooo tuch.....?
Feb29/88 15:09
34:24 Greg Diamond: Am I to understand that someone has a beef with all
-this
bull? Why dont we steer the item into greener pastures?
Mar03/88 06:05
34:25 Mark: This whole discussion is causing me mental angus.
Mar03/88 09:51
34:26 David West: Then you should simply skim it.
Mar03/88 16:19
34:27 Ed Vielmetti: More like a flop, Id say.
Mar03/88 18:48
34:28 Larry Kostecke: 6:05??? Isnt that a bit pasture bedtime, Mark?
log in to add a comment.