nuskooler presents..
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z d f i b a r d
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i n n n o n e m o t g i e t a o
s ns t o f fa n b c s t m l
h z d sen a io i b a e r n a i a I
e z n s d en a o of f i i be am o o g i es tha u
e i z n s nd se sation of fainti g became o st o g t tim s ha cou
The dizziness and sensation of fainting became so strong at times that I could
no longer hold myself erect, and had to lie down on a sofa. My surroundings had
now transformed themselves in more terrifying ways. Everything in the room spun around, and the familiar objects and pieces of furniture assumed otesque,
threatening forrns. They were in continuous motion, animated, as if driven by an inner restlessness. The lady next door, whom I scarcely recognized, brought me
milk - in the course of the evening I drank more than two liters. She was no
longer Mrs. R., but rather a malevolent, insidious witch with a colored mask.
En worse than these demonic transformations of the outer world, were the
alterations that I perceived in myself, in my inner being. Every exertion of my
will, every attempt to put an end to the disintegration of the outer world and
the dissolution of my ego, seemed to be wasted effort. A demon had invaded me,
had taken possession of my body, mind, and soul. I jumped up and screamed,
trying to free myself from him, but then sank down again and lay helpless on the sofa. The substance, with which I had wanted to experiment, had vanquished me.
It was the demon that scornfully triumphed over my ll. I was seized by the
dreadful fear of going insane. I was taken to another world, another place,
another time. My body seemed to be without sensation, lifeless, strange. Was I
dying? Was this the transition? At times I believed myself to be outside my
body, and then perceived clearly, as an outside observer, the complete tragedy
of my situation. I had not even taken leave of my family my wife, with our
three children had traveled that day to visit her parents, in Lucerne. Would
they ever understand that I had n experimented thoughtlessly, irresponsibly,
but rather with the utmost caution, an-d that such a result was in no way
foreseeable? My fear and despair intensified, not only because a young family
should lose its father, but also because I dreaded leaving my chemical research
work, which meant so much to me, unfinished in the midst of fruitful, promising development. Another reflection took shape, an idea full of bitter irony: if I
was now forced to leave this world prematurely, it was because of this
lysergic acid diethylamide
that I myself had brought forth into the world.
downdowndown...to the upside down... /, / , , , /
I am on a curiosity voyage and I need my paddles to travel.