In an unprecedented move today, the government of Saudi Arabia declared war
to all of the Worlds firemen. A government official made this statement:
Firemen are one of the biggest costs in oil exploitation.
Every time an oil well is on fire, those guys show up, and a
couple weeks afterwards, we get this huge bill. This has to
cease! We cannot let the people of Saudi Arabia be exploited
like that by outside agents. Therefore, we place a bounty of
100,000 per firemans head we get.
The announcement has provoked a world-wide frenzy, with people going after
firemen as if they were the key to their Klondike. Here is a partial
bodycount, after 6 hours:
Country Firemen killed
Russia 385
Saudi Arabia 298
United Kingdom 265
Slovakia 191
Germany 187
France 176
Canada 18
One of the most effective strategies so far has been to set things on fire to
lure firemen. Russia is currently reporting the most incidents, with 324 of
their 385 kills achieved using this strategy. A part of Moscow called
Idiotchgrad has stopped answering fire alarms after 20 men were killed in 2
hours. Now half of the old city is set aflame, and nobody is willing to go
out to do anything about it.
In Saudi Arabia, the strategy literally backfired: 298 people were killed
before authorities quickly made a second press release to announce that the
bounty wasnt applying to firemen native to the country. Fifteen different
oil wells are currently being consumed by flames.
The United Kingdom, who accounts for the most firefighting forces in Saudi
Arabia, immediately recalled their firemen in place there, and placed all of
their firemen at home under police protection. After riots erupted around the
countrys firehalls, the Queen made a public request for peace. Her words
went unheard.
In Toronto, Canada, a depressed fireman with a gambling addiction who had just
lost everything killed himself. I want my family to send my head for the
bounty, he wrote in a letter left to his family.
Surprisingly, the United States, which boasts the worlds biggest fireman
population, has not announced any deaths yet. It seems that the media are too
busy dealing with some sex scandal, and broadcasts of the news relating to
this story have not sparked any interest.
Well be back after these messages.
Hello, my name is The ExtremisT. For 4 years, I have run a
bulletin board on a phone line. Recently, I have discovered the
joy of cablemodems, and I will soon open up my telnet bbs at
cizb.sietch.bc.ca. You too get rid of that shitty phoneline!
Log on CITY IZ BURNING soon!