gj!BLADE
the edge is a
propaganda vehicle for the blade nation
welcome to our revolu
tion
the edge -- the blade informational textfile - v
olume 4 / issue 2
sadjester b
lades moto should be we are delusional.
A quick note to the FBI and ot
her people of authority: This
infofile is for informational purposes onl
y. We not only take
no responsibility for the shit
kids will try these days, we
also take no respo
nsibility for any word we say.
You see,
were just fucking insane and
we mean this whole thing as a
joke. So, whereas
there may be a death threat or
two, we
really dont mean it. HONEST!
contents -- the edge
:: volume four, issue two
the blade nation :: ap
ril ninety seven
our affiliates :: apri
l ninety seven
we have explo
sive.
i. Welcome to the April Epic. Let
me introduce myself. Im Crime.
Mindcrime. And Im the leader of the Blade Na
tion. This month, were
going to take you with us on a bit of a journ
ey. So, pack your bags
and put on some music, becuase well be leavi
ng in a matter of
minutes. Were going to take you with us to a
place of imagination,
creativity, and above all, schizophrenic delu
sions. Because were
going insane, and youre coming with us wheth
er you like it or not.
Sanity is an overrated concept, and were her
e to smash down the
walls and expose the public to our own litt
le insane reality. Weve
got art, weve got music, weve got text, and
most of all, weve got
explosive. So SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND ENJOY T
HE FUCKING PACK.
Thank you.
: - mindcrime of the blade nation
were buildin
g empire.
imes they are a changin, and were
changing right along with them.
In a bold and daring effort to become hip to
the anarchy that is the
internet, Blade Productions has finally gotte
n up off its lazy ass
and registered a domain. Blade.org is here, a
nd will be opening its
web doors to the public very soon. Look for t
he web page to be
relocated to www.blade.org in the next few we
eks. For now, you can
still check us out at http://www.exit109/com/
mike/blade. Word
has it that once a world domination seeking g
roup gets its own
domain, theres little standing in its way.
SO BACK THE FUCK UP,
BECAUSE WE HAVE ANGST AND WERE COMING TO RAP
E YOUR WORLD, TWIST
IT UPSIDE DOWN AND INSIDE OUT, STEAL YOUR DOG
, AND COOK DINNER FOR
YOUR MOTHER. WERE BLADE FUCKING PRODUCTIONS
AND WE OWN YOU.
: Thank you.
y
ou can be a winner at the ymca.
ell, the contest in februarys edi
tion of The Edge was a smashing
success. coughYEAHRIGHTcough. The only person
to succesfully guess any
of the songs was Sexrsist, so he wins the ori
ginal Mindcrime ansi. Too
bad I was my usual lazy self this month and d
idnt get around to it.
Soon, man, I promise!
Anyways, here are the answers. I was thinking
about holding this
contest every month, but it has become abunda
ntly clear that NO ONE
CARES. SO FUCK YOU ALL :
Thank you.
come to me... ill be your guar
dian angel.
- Guardian Angel, Juno Reactor
hack the heads off little girls and put
them on my wall.
- Skulls, Misfits
play that beat, play that beat, BANG!
- Here we go, C+C Music Factory
doing just for the cause.
- The Cause, NOFX
the sign said that long haired,
freaky people need not apply.
- Signs, Tesla
black lipstick stains her glass of red w
ine.
- Love You To Death, Type O Negative
i can hold the world in my virtual hand.
: - Virtuality, Rush
a sign of the
times.
here once was a dork named Wizy.
With his dog he liked to get busy.
Every time he shows his face in public,
all the girls shout and call him a sissy.
Hes a fruitcake of the ultimate kind.
He masturbates so much that hes blind.
You could look under any stone on earth,
but a bigger ball of slime youll never find.
Wizy, Wizy, we hate you Wizy, and youre gunn
a die.
Because the Blade Nation has a new target in
mind.
AND WE WONT STOP UNTIL WE SEE YOUR FUCKING F
ACE MANGLED AND BEGGING
FOR MERCY UNDER THE ALMIGHTY FOOT OF THE MOST
POWERFUL SOCIETY OF
DERANGED LUNATICS THIS WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE D
IE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.
: Thank you.
ive got my h
and on my nutsac.
his month, the Blade Senior staff me
mbers had some interesting times!
This is the elite section where we tell you w
hat happened.
Where to start... Well, Edicius got a girlfri
end, right? And he
fondled her boobies and stuff. But, get this,
this is the good part,
she was an AOL slut! She pimped herself out o
ver the digitally wired
nation and hooked up with some homosexual ped
ophile that was going
to rape her silly and make GIFs out of it. S
o Edicius, being an
upstanding member of society, dumped her bitc
h ass faster than a
three dollar hooker gets sold in ansi. Membe
rs of the Blade Nation
can get much better chix0rs than her.
So, while Edicius was hanging out with his gi
rly girl, Mindcrime and
and Belial, being the smarter of the bunch an
d knowing that girls
are evil, were all kinds of pissed at Edi for
not hanging out with
them anymore. So Edicius got his ass demoted.
Senior staffers have
no time for women.
But then he dumped her and everything was hun
ky dorey, and Edicius got
promoted back to senior staff! And the kingdo
m rejoiced! YAY!
But then, out of NOWHERE, Grey Hawk decides t
o give into the man and
get a girly girl of his own. OH NO!, you sa
y? DAMN RIGHT! This caused
much problems for the nation. For three weeks
, we didnt see Grey
Hawk at all! Then one day, he calls up Mindcr
ime and wants to hang out.
it turns out his chix0r was out of town or so
me such crap. Good excuse
to hang with OLD BUDS, HUH GREY!?! Yeah... We
ll, we went out to buy
some oonce, and we did. And then we were all
bored and stuff, because
theres nothing to do in South Central Bumble
fuck, New Jersey. So we
: went bowling. HAH! Thats right -
The Blade Nat
ion Goes Bowling.
o, we went bowling. It was Mindcri
me, Grey Hawk, Belial, Dimes, and
Jason. And it just so happened that there was
an air hockey table at
this bowling alley, so Dimes, being the air h
ockey freak he is,
decides to play some. But get this, THE FUCKI
NG TABLE HAD A RUBBER
PUCK. The plot thickens. So after playing a c
ompletely loopy game of
air hockey, we bowled.
For 10 bux a piece, we got two lanes for as m
any games as we wanted!
What a deal! And get this, it was COSMIC BOWL
ING. So they played oonce
and there were lasors and it was just a big p
arty in there. So we
acted like complete idiots for a while and to
ssed balls all over the
place.
Then, it happened. Mindcrime, pulling a move
that has to happen at
least once at every bowling session, decides
to run down the lane in
an attempt to get closer to the pins. THOSE F
UCKING LANES ARE SLIPPERY.
Mindcrime, arms flailing, approached the floo
r with amazing speed as
his feet flew right out from under him. Ever
see the most powerful
: man in the world take a header on a bowling l
ane? It was quite a sight.
ive got my ha
nd on my nutsac. Part Two
he next night, the unbelievable happ
ened. For the first time in
months, the entire whole of the Blade Senior
staff, plus Dimes and
Jason, wanted to hang out! Flat broke and wit
h no options, we
decided to go over Edicius house and cause a
ruckus in the room
surrounding his elite pool table. And boy, di
d a ruckus happen.
Belial, after being insulted one too many tim
es, erupted into
ultimate stupidity. We wanted to knock his te
eth in, but hes like
family and stuff. But then, he insulted Jason
s mom. OH SNAP!
So Jason almost made a permenent imprint in E
diciuss wall with
Belials head. It didnt happen though, unfor
tunatly. I was hoping
there would be a fight, werent you? ANYTHING
TO SPRUCE UP THIS
FUCKING BORING ASS STORY. MY GOD WHAT HAS GON
E WRONG IN MY HEAD?!
IM NOT A FUCKING WRITER FOR MELROSE PLACE. T
HIS IS REAL FUCKING LIFE.
ITS SUPPOSED TO BE ENTERTAINING. FUCK FUCK F
UCK.
: Thank you.
uyem da fuyu
hstahtuh.
ye uhm dah fuyuhstahtuh, twisted f
uyuhstahtuh. Ahm da silly brit boy, wul
kin true duh staights singun muh silly brit sung.
Uye uhm dah
fuyuhstahtuh, twisted fuyuhstahtuh. Uye phur
duh Blayed Nuytion. Uye uhm dah fuyuhst
ahtah, twisted fuyuhstahtuh. Look uht muh guitar, it
s guht
silly techno bites und muh granny puht hur te
ef uhn it.
: UYEM DA FUYUHSTAHTUH, TWISTED FUYUHS
TAHTUH.
DONT MAKE ME
GET OUT OF THE BOOOOOTH
eres some funny shit, to make th
is info file funny. Because right
now it really sucks, and Im getting really d
epressed, because Im
not very creative anymore and I can see it al
l going downhill from
here. First I lose my creativity, then my ori
ginality, pretty soon
my personality goes, then my individuality. B
efore I know it, Ill
be hanging out in ansi.
mindcrime if i had an apple2e, id be on dr
ugs, too g
phaelinx and on the 9th day.. god created A
NSI.SYS and shite was
good.
phaelinx and on the 31337th day, blade was
forged in iron and blood,
and shite was very good..
- gj - haha.. you know what i find funny?
i have my mirc setup with
all my channels visible with divisio
ns equal to each window
blade is bigger than the rest thoug
h, and recently i discard
ansi from my autojoin, and ive fou
nd more fun and interestin
stuff with what i replaced the ansi
channel with, which is my
fucking status window.
kiwiBLADE im a pyro-necro-pedapheliac. i l
ike little dead flaming
children...
VEk when does he usually come?
edi he usually comes after i use my tounge
mindcrime edi, you almost made me spit my r
ed powedery drink all
over the monitor.
+ mindcrime turns into Nuno the Amazing Flyin
g Fat Boy.
ironghost ..damn.. better run
greyhawk 2
+-- - mindcrime now thinks hes fatboy
greyhawk :
+ fatboy flys at ironghost
empty no! NOT NUNO!
ironghost you guys can stop, im nolonger a
cia agent
+ edi hits you with an alt-165 for +2 damage
+ AmishGuy runs over ironghost with his buggy
+ greyhawk turns into a rock.
ironghost i was for about 1 week
+-- - greyhawk now thinks hes rock
edi dood, i just wrecked you with the span
ish n
fatboy a rock?
AmishGuy hahahahahahah
+-- - AmishGuy now thinks hes b3
fatboy what bloody good is a rock gunna do?
b3 grey hawks a rock!
b3 hahah
fatboy edi: ABHAHAHAA
: + rock is thrown at ironghost.
were an undergrou
nd revolution working over time..
ere to bring you the newest infor
mation on the Blade BlackOps
crew is one of our newest members, Julian.
blade blackops...
th
e april 1997 report.
after a long and phearsome b
attle with the upstarts
in serial,
blade is again victorious. they may not
now it, but we own them.
we own them all.
cias Agent45 last seen
undergoing much painful we have compiled a list
of all our aquisitions for
interrogation as to why this month, so that you may kno
w where the blade
he opped agent julian- nation has stru
ck. phear.
friez. reported dead.
phear our skillz. we took the following:
cia and magma on efnet. cias agent45 opp
ed our director, who
proceeded to secure the channel. we gave i
t back in a display that
the blade nation is quite b
enevolent, and we just want to RULE you.
magma were not so kind in. we also had a bo
ut with bush and the
filthy teensex, but decided to leave them be
the autoexec.bat of an offensive personage wa
s changed to create a
loop effect, scrolling
your computer has been hax0red by blade blac
k0ps.
suffer while we delete your hard drive.
phear. black0ps strikes again
the recipient of this was not pleased and thr
ew a tantrum.
chalk another one up for the blade n
ation.
one gallon of gas.
three laser printer readouts changed to read
blade nation.
a cow. her calf hamburgers and veal steaks
for all!
one theatre managers car. the car was late
r driven off a cliff with
said manager tied to the wheel.
the perkasie, PA 5 and 10 store
the quakertown, PA AMC 6 theatres.
the Lehigh Valley Mall allentown PA Walden
Books. free playboys!
1 inkjet cartridge
3 Star Wars kites
Vermont the entire state
the town of Hammonton, NJ.
a six pack of diet coke, which were shaken an
d thrown at traffic.
Microsoft. Bill Gates was executed, and
mindcrime is the new CEO.
Tourettes Syndrome we traded cancer for thi
s one... FUCK YEAH
a dog, which we named rover.
1,000,000 californian sewer rats
a beer factory in Fogelsville, PA strohs!
1 1978 Oldsmobile Omega, dubbed, The Black0l
dsmobile
China ACmE strikes again, now as the anti ch
inese mass extermination
well, we let them live. we just kix0red all
the commies out, and made
the people slaves to the Blade Nation.
the words phear and angst. use them with
out our permission, and
you risk death.
Sydney, Australia thanks to agent oxi-10
and finally.... after the capture of
electronic arts, weve decided to
add the following changes to NHL98:
martin brodeur is uninjurable
, and no pucks can get past him... ever.
every devils player has 100 sh
ooting/passing.
every other team has 0 shooting/passing.
passing causes fights, and multiple team memb
er can get into fights.
the title screen will be an ansi by Mindcrime
and the soundtrack will be by QueensRche....
Empire, fittingly enough.
thats our acquisition list for march. it wa
s a slow month. phear.
but wait! theres more! what Julian didnt kn
ow was that all the
while he was playing blackops boy out in 215,
the 908 crew was busy
with some aquiring of their own!
heres our list:
a rubber air hockey puck.
a micron millenia transport p133 with 32 megs
of ram.
a nerf table hockey game.
several volumes of oonce on cd.
astrorocktm.
two turntables and a microphone.
wizys mom.
americanstandardcodeforinformationinterchang
e
the saint.
elle mcphearsome.
two gallons of all purpose sulphuric acid for
use in cleaning.
the brooklyn bridge.
a waitress at the americana diner.
a slippery bowling lane.
baseball simulator 1000.
a little league team named the angst crusade
rs.
the shrewsbury, nj starbucks.
a waitress at ruby tuesdays. she wanted me.
37 thousand pounds of idaho potatoes, with an
e.
the hour you lost due to daylight savings.
mindcrimes cousins purple hair.
several sluts of the day, including one fie
sty little teenager
who almost tackled mindcrime to the ground at
the white trash
bowling alley.
a cue ball in my pocket.
coolio.
america online. were looking to sell. CHEAP
an oscar won for best supporting bra.
the AOL geek that Edicius sluty ex-girlfrien
d fondled.
grey hawks girl friend.
the entire cast of Party of Five. Mindcrim
e attempted to put the
moves on Neve Cambell, but shes like, marrie
d and stuff.
whiplash willy, the motor psycho.
: and last, but definitly not least, The ACiD N
ewsletter.
i wanna rock and r
oll all night and party every day.
his just in! The entire senior staff
of the Blade Nation has formed
an 80s hair band! Calling themselves Fruity
Death, the foursome
are masquarading around in tight leather pant
s and frizzy hair.
With smash hits like Mama Said I Could Dance
Like Elvis and
Ruling the World With Our AquaNet Hair Spray
, the bands first
album is sure to be a smash hit. Look for it
in stores everywhere
: sometime this month.
the sanatarium
his months new nutcases are:
Elusive Vision - OldSchool ex-acid ansi artis
t. We like to say He duh
bomb.
Essence : Ascii Fruitboy.
Phaelinx : Lit boy.
Knocturnl : Ansi Liverdick.
Diarmuid : VGA Fruity McNasty.
Julian: Ascii and Ansi Geek / Blackops.
Spoonz : Ascii Wormbiter.
: Kno-3 : High Resolution Extraordinaire / Blac
kops.
t.n.t. for the
brain.
ou can play along once again with the blade na
tion this month!
Although were not going to be offering ansis to the f
reaks who
get the answers, all of this months articles titles wi
th the
exception of one obvious one are song lyrics! Play Th
e Edge Home
Game and try to figure them out! You can even email mi
ke@exit109.com
to see if youre right. Need some hints?
Music we listened to while compiling this epic:
Hear in the Now Frontier - Queensryche
Dubnobasswithmyheadman - Underworld
Everything is Wrong - Moby
Ambient - Moby
Greatest Hits - The Moody Blues
The Wall - Pink Floyd
Snivilisation - Orbital
Wipeout XL Soundtrack
Beyond The Infinite - Juno Reactor
A Classic Case: The London Symphany Orchastra plays th
e music of
Jethro Tull featuring Ian Anderson
Second Toughest in the Infants - Underworld
Movies we saw while people in blade were yelling f
or the pack:
The Saint twice
i feel so shak
en in my faith.
ell, there you have it folks. I do
nt know anymore. It seems weve
just exausted ourselves making this newslette
r every month. Ive
always thought it was the most fun part of th
e pack, but lately it
has really turned out lousy. Mental note: Sta
rt the edge sometime
before two hours before the pack goes out. Th
ats probably a hip
idea. So settle down next to us next pack for
what might prove to
be a better issue. Or, it might not. Hell, if
all we ever do is
take over the universe, life is going to get
pretty boring. Hopefully
: well find something new to do next month. En
joy the pack.
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: l: l,P :,
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.: l .l :
leader of the revolution:
AI-L-- mindcrime ....................
.................... mike@exit109.com
secretary and dogboy to the president of the blade nat
ion:
DOGBOY napalm .......................
................. nappy@liverlips.com
senior staff:
IL belial .......................
.................... marc@netlabs.net
L edicius ....................
..................... edi@cybercomm.net
AI grey hawk ..................
..................... grey@infi-pos.com
coordinators:
L cappacino .......li
terature................ cbowers@sup
erlink.net
C dark knight .....co
ding......................... darky@
execpc.com
I exar-kun ........as
cii..................... koondo
g@ix.netcom.com
AM grymmjack .......mu
sic............................ grym
my@123.net V ravaged wanderer
.high resolution......
........... rw@shocking.com
members:
L acolyte ......................
V charr ......................
..................... charr@matches.com
M dead soul ....................
V diarmuid ......................
FTP dimes ........................
............... sdiamond@skidmore.edu
A elusive vision ................
............... elusvisn@pacbell.net
I essence ....................
I hard liquor ..................
................. hliquor@alfheim.net
C hex ...........................
I julian .....................
........................ julian@itw.com
A kiwi ...............
V kno-3 ......................
................. brunning@skidmore.edu
A knocturnl ..................
L q ............................
....................... hu.86@osu.edu
V liquid blue ..................
................... disco@javanet.com
AI lucifer .........................
............. lucifer@injersey.com
L luke skywalker .....................
............. lscodine@juno.com I
meltdown ..............................
I oxidizer .....................
....................... oxi@post1.com
L phaelinx ...................
..................... phael@pacbell.com
M paladin ......................
I queerkilla ...................
.................. cuekay@hotmail.com
V ravaged wanderer ..............
.................... rw@shocking.com
A riddler ........................
.......... survey2000@earthlink.net
M sensei .......................
............... rformido@skidmore.edu
V sodom ........................
.................. lance2@themall.net
I spoonz .....................
L string .......................
................ string@earthlink.net
C the emperor ..................
AI the illusionist .................
I the masked marauder ..........
I torgo ........................
................. torgo@geocities.com
toth ............................
L tron powerhouse ............
...................... tronepic@tir.com
M trobriand .............
I zempf ........................
.................... zempf@modex.com
alumni:
counterpoint .....................................
darkman ..........................................
errant angel .....................................
facsimile ........................................
flux .............................................
soul seeker ......................................
.... soulman@cybercomm.net
tourian ..........................................
. tourian@angel.heaven.god
! - several people have been deleted from this l
ist due to inactivity.
this does not necassarily constitute r
emoval from the group.
affiliated outposts
alderaan
908 mindcrime
: galactic temple
the regency n/a
halaster
: internet shrin
e
apocalypse 201
napalm :
eastern shrine
harvest moon 2
16 quran :
central shrine
free coke 514
the night angel :
canadian shrine
organized kaos 612
krisis
: australian shrine
prevail +46
rex :
swedish shrine
mater pound 385
mater
: croatian shrine
ravebase +41
maverick
: swiss shrine
ironyx +31
radical
: dutch shrine
the rebel base 718
luke skywalker :
distribution outpost
internet email mike@exit109.c
om
world wide web http://b
lade.home.ml.org
http://www.exit109.com/mike/
blade
file transfer 141.222.126.22
1 /blade
snail mail blade producti
ons
p.o. box 213
rumson, nj 07760
NOTE: sites that do not contact mike@
exit109.com before
june 1st will be removed from this list.
gj!
all the sugar and twice the caffeine.
end of file